11 Things to Give You Courage about Sex and Menopause

Spring Break, 1976, bicentennial year and my parents decided we’d do a historical tour.  It was one week after my 10^th birthday and we were in Gettysburg, PA.  Just where you want to be when ‘you become a woman,’ far from home!!  My mother was going through menopause at the time.  My sister loves to remind me that after my first cycle completed, I told mom I was “ready for mini-pause.”  I had already had enough of this womanly stuff!

Mini-Pause is finally starting to arrive.

Technically, menopause is tied to a specific date.  It is the last day of flow of the very last cycle.  The process of menopause is when the ovaries say, “I quit!”  Thankfully, they usually give longer than a two week notice.  It’s gradual.  The ovaries discontinue producing estradiol, progesterone and testosterone.  Due to this hormone cessation, monthly female menses eventually discontinue completely.  This process can begin as early as age 35.  It is usually completed by mid-50. 

Menopause is a slow progression, nothing to be scared of.  Remember, before you had kids, looking at teenagers and thinking how could I ever parent a hormone monster?  Well, you don’t give birth to a teenager right off the bat.  You give birth to a precious little love-bug.  Each day is a tiny step towards their independence.  Once you arrive at the teen years, you’re moderately prepared.  So with your body, estrogen production doesn’t come to a screeching halt (unless you’ve had some kind of medical intervention).  The brakes are pumped a few times before coming to a complete stop.

Don’t be a victim of your hormones!  Here are 11 thoughts: 

1.      Things start drying out with less estrogen production.  My blemish prone face is now much better!  But, my eyes and vaginal region is not.  I moisten my eyes with drops.  Lubrication in the nether regions is very important now.  But, it’s been fun to try new lubricants.  See Pearl Post Buttery Love.

2.    You do not have to be a psycho unless you let yourself be.  Nothing irks me more than to hear someone excuse bad behavior because of menopause.  Take responsibility for your mental health.  If you find that you are more irritable or anxious talk with your doctor.

3.    The process of menopause does not make you a sexless creature.  Some women have diminished libido and others get ramped up.  IF you end up on the low end of libido, again, you don’t have to be a victim.  There are ways to treat low libido, mentally, physically and spiritually.  That’s a lot of what this blog focuses on.  I’m the low-libido poster child.  What has helped me includes; consistent frequency of sex (use it or lose it!), hormones, exercise and remaining emotionally connected with Mr. Muscle.

4.    Talk with your doctor as symptoms arise.    With age, health issues may arise.  Be your own advocate.  Many issues can involve your sex drive and sex life.  There’s usually several different ways to tackle a health issue.  If one seems to affect your sex life, TELL YOUR DOCTOR.  I specifically have a female ‘lady doctor’ so I won’t be embarrassed telling her intimate details.  If you’re not comfortable telling your current physician details about your sex drive or sex life, find a doctor you will be at ease with.  ASK your friends if they like their docs. Here’s a link to help you talk with your doctor about menopause.  

5.     Do your kegels! OFTEN….not only for your sex life to keep the vaginal walls ‘toned.’  But, for bladder control.  It can go out on you early.

6.    Sex really does get better with age.  I’m not the first one to say this!  Mechanically, we’ve both been reading brail for so long every bump, dash and exhale has meaning.  Emotionally, we are at ease.  For more than half of my life, we have laughed, cried, confessed, and conferred as we walked this faith journey.  Plus, the combination of my diminishing fertility and Mr. Muscle’s vasectomy helped with the anxiety of possible pregnancy.

7.     Sometimes I need a day or three to recuperate after sexual activity.  In addition to drying out, vaginal walls start to thin.  It’s not that the vaginal area hurts, it’s just tired.  The ‘tiredness’ got better when lubrication was increased.

8.    I have an achy hip-flexor and mild sciatica.   We avoid certain positions because it will aggravate my iliopsoas.  There will be aches and pains for you and him.  You’ll just need to experiment to find positions that aren’t painful.  Get creative, think outside of the box (or off of the bed).

9.    The rate of the male sexual slow-down depends on the male.  I hear about erections taking longer and sexual desire waning.  Mr. Muscle is nearing 50 (in a month), and the slow down has not been radical.

10.  Exercise.  I am a broken record when it comes to this.  But, there’s no way around it.  It’s helped me retain my ‘sexy.’  It helps soothe my aches and pains.  Plus, the mid-life fat cell is tenacious.  Mere calorie cutting won’t keep you svelte (or in my case svelte-ish) after about 40.  See "Get Physical," my guest post at The Alabaster Jar.

11.  Sleep can become a precious commodity.  This is the most disconcerting item for me at the moment.  I usually don't have a problem going to sleep.  It's that I can't sleep past 4:30 a.m.  Sometimes, I wake up even earlier and can't get back to sleep.  Sexual activity and exercise do help this.  But, it's very frustrating.  It reminds me of the tiny baby days of sleep deprivation.  I try natural methods, milk before bed seems to help me the most.  But, when I'm desperate it's Tylenol PM or Unisom.

Thank you, Sarah and Abraham!!  I am greatly encouraged that at ages 90 & 100, Sarah and Abraham were still enjoying the comfort of sexual relations.  She laughed when the Lord (appearing as three visitors) told Abraham she would conceive because she was far passed the age of fertility.  (Genesis 18 & 21)  There is hope for us, beautiful ladyfish!  We can enjoy sexual intimacy with our hubbies FAR PASSED the age of fertility.  Not long ago, I found out that a dear 70 year old friend had only recently found her clitoris.  So, it is NEVER too late to enjoy the pleasures of the God-created act of sexual intimacy.

"And Sarah said, 'God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me,'"  Genesis 21:6.

Praying for your laughter during years that are rumored to be fraught with negatives.  Don’t believe all you hear!  J

Disclaimer:  I have been on bio-identical progesterone cream and testosterone oil for about three years.  So, I am easing through the process.  This treatment was sought due to several factors; horrible night sweats, fatigue, weight gain with inability to lose it, and no libido.  I can’t say enough good about them, but that’s my personal opinion.  There are pros and cons to hormones, bio-identical or otherwise.  Read more about them here. 

See this mayo-clinic page regarding Symptoms of Peri-Menopause for a more complete listing.

Linking with Jolene at The Alabaster Jar: Marital Oneness Mondays.
Linking with Sheila Gregoire's tolovehonorandvacuum:  Wifey Wednesday.

OK, beautiful readers, what can you add about your peri-menopause experience and your sexual health?  What have I forgotten?