Feisty

A Memorial Day Tribute to my favorite Veteran and his wife.  I am deeply grateful to every Veteran for serving the USA.   *Re-posted for Father's Day 2012.

Edward

My father, Edward, entered the Navy at 17.  Ed served in the South Pacific on a submarine.  

He came home with tattoos on each shoulder.  (Those tattoos were identifying tools when pointing him out to my friends at the pool.)  He came home with hearing loss due to working in the sub's diesel engine room. 

Herbert 2/4/1924-10/30/1944

Battle of Leyte Bay, Manilla

He came home brotherless.  

Ed's brother, Herbert, 

was killed when a kamikazee 

rammed his aircraft carrier.

Ed came home motherless.  His mother died suddenly while he was on the other side of the world.

He was homeless because his father, a WWI Vet, had suffered a debilitating stroke and was living in a Veteran's Home.

He came home to a sweetheart that said NO to his first marriage proposal!  But, she quickly changed her mind and would become my mother.  From NO to 62 years....what was the key?

Mary and Ed, 1945

The key to my parents' marriage included:  
Deck of Cards
Hoyle's Book of Rules
Fishing line and worms
Tent
Starcraft Boat
Water skiis
Coffee Can Full of Frogs
Cribbage Board
Croquet Set
Badminton Set
Jarts (lethal lawn darts)
Bowling Alleys
Euchre Tournaments

For 62 years, my mom and dad played together.  

They first met when they were at their playing prime, 11 years of age.  Mary and Ed spent the late 1930's riding bikes and roller skating.  They began their lifelong romance with recreation.  It only made sense that's how they maintained their spark in marriage.

Sparks flew, alright.  In preparing for a weekend of family camping, there was bickering over who forgot to pack the toilet paper.  If it was an unfamiliar campground, there was a spat over directions.  There were heated discussions over where to hang the clothes line.  Later in the evening, they slipped off for a midnight cruise of the lake.

Even with dissension, neither stomped away mad.  name calling never happened and no voices were raised.  They were feisty.  But, they showed consideration in their dispute.  Even with dissension, they were a team.  They could stake a tent in pitch dark and launch a boat in a minute flat.  

My dad could zing a one-liner.  He diffused situations with a witty word.  We laughed a lot as a family.  Mom was forthright, but tactful, about all life's aspects.  She never played coy games.  From the spiritual to the nitty gritty of bodily functions to sex, all were acceptable subjects.  

When memories of my parents bubble to the surface, they are either hugging/smooching, laughing or arguing!  In spite of their conflictual relationship, they communicated well with each other.  It could be their constant debates facilitated communication.   


One more key.....
When my marriage began, mom was in her mid-60's.  She would salt her speech with ideas that sex was important to a marriage.  She'd say, "sex makes you close."  "It's very special."  "It's good to have fun with sex."  I began to wonder what they were doing on those late night cruises of Lake Cumberland?

I didn't understand what she was telling me until later in my marriage.  Sex is essential and is a two way street.  For the man, it involves sharing his feelings and having conversation.  For the ladyfish, it involves enthusiastic participation in sexual fulfillment.  And by enthusiastic, I mean being more involved than a rigid tent stake.

Living with my marriage mentors for 18 years, I witnessed the best sermon on marriage.  Praying together builds a foundation.  Conflict can be resolved.  Variety and playing together is the spice of life.  Love and acceptance is the best atmosphere in which to live.  Sex and laughter is the best way to bind.

The Rest of the Story....
Feb. 21, 2008, Ed lost half of himself.  My mom succumbed to a 7 year battle with dementia.  His selfless and gentle care of his confused wife was a love story like no other.  (Now that she is gone, dad sometimes reminisces sweetly about the frisky intimate life they had.)

My funny, firm and brilliant father currently lays in a nursing home confined from a massive stroke.  He didn't lose his mental capacity, just strength on his left side.  My hero confesses that he lived a great life.  He had loss in the beginning, but was then blessed abundantly.  Because of his faith, he looks forward to the sweet and glorious future.

I can only HOPE that I am passing along Ed & Mary's legacy to their grandsons with love and laughter and the occasional sex talk.  

Pearl & Papa

PLEASE share stories of your favorite veteran as a tribute.....

SEX (cheaper than plastic surgery)

Prudes of the world take heed!  SEX is good for us!  There are long lasting physical benefits beyond the Big O.  Aside from a burst of beneficial biochemicals, burning calories and decreasing the risk of male heart attack, here are some.......


Surprising Benefits of SEX


1.  SEX CURES COLDS......Well, almost....Sex boosts immunity to help fight colds and flu.  Immunoglobulin A, an anti-body, was shown to increase in number by having sex twice a week (according to a Wilkes University, PA, study).  This part of the immune system binds to invading organisms and sounds the alarm so that other's will come to destroy the invaders.







2.  SEX HELPS YOU SMELL GOOD.....University of Calgary study shows that prolactin (a hormone) release in mice can double the new nerve cells in the mouse olfactory bulb (where the sense of smell resides).  In humans, prolactin is released during orgasm.  So, there is a possible correlation.  Your sense of smell could be improved by orgasm.  See Pearl's Fun Friday post, Smellin' Sexy for certain scents that may increase libido. 






3.  SEX, BETTER THAN HAPPY PILLS....A controversial study at the State University in Albany, NY, showed that females who engaged in unprotected sex had less symptoms of depression.  It was suggested that semen's components of testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, and prostaglandins can pass through the vaginal walls and help elevate mood.  Not to mention, the female releases her own mood enhancing molecules during orgasm.





and the piece de resistance....


4.  SEX IS CHEAPER THAN PLASTIC SURGERY.....Sex helps you look up to 10 years younger!  Women who had sex 3 times a week looked up to 10 years younger, according to David Weeks, MD, Royal Edinburgh Hospital, Scotland.  This study was conducted with 3500 women.


This may be due to the fact that sex can release growth hormone.  Interesting to note, CASUAL SEX DID NOT DECREASE THE AGING PROCESS!  Sex with different partners or cheating in a marriage, may actually increase aging because of the stress and anxiety.

"The sex doesn't work (for anti-aging) without a good relationship,"  Weeks said,  "It works via a relationship that is very supportive and empathetic, in which both people are physically and emotionally compatible."

What Dr. Weeks doesn't plainly say, but I will, sex between married partners is the BEST way to have sex because it is approved by God.

"One final word, friends.  We ask you - urge is more like it - that you keep on doing what we told you do to please God, not in a dogged religious plod, but in a living spirited dance.  You know the guidelines we laid down for you from the Master Jesus.  God wants you to live a pure life.  Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity,"  1Thessalonians 4:1-3 (The Message).

Reclaim your SEXY, beautiful ladyfish!  Sometimes, a spike in lagging libido comes from just choosing to reclaim it.  If all factors are positive;  life is generally good, you have an emotional connection with your husband (who loves you as Christ loved the church) and your hormones are in balance, sometimes an attitude shift is what is needed.    Now, you have some motivating biological factors to help you get busy with your mister.


Practical Tools:


1.  Try an experiment, DECIDE TO BE SEXY and see what happens.... :)


2.  PRAY...God really does care about every aspect of your beautiful self!  If you struggle with lagging libido and all other factors are positive, PRAY about it.

May the Grace of the Lord overflow upon you, lovely ladyfish, with faith and love that is in Jesus Christ. (1Tim1:14).

The Alabaster Jar gets into The Word regarding dealing with difficult times, check it out:  Fight or Flight or Vulnerability  (Who would have guessed Jolene was a mean little girl???)


Check out Wifey Wednesday at Sheila Gregoire's:  Get Over Thinking Sex Is All For Him

Smellin' Sexy

Fun Friday

Can you think of a certain fragrance that makes you feel sexy?


The soft glow from lit bedroom candles may yield more than just ambient lighting.  Certain fragrances can turn you on according to some philosophies.  From personal experience, I think they may be on to something.....





The olfactory bulb in our nose, from which we pick up scents, has a direct connection with the limbic system.  The limbic system is a set of brain structures.  Their functions include; emotion, behavior, libido, motivation, long term memory and olfaction (sense of smell).  It's claimed that certain scents mimic sexual olfactory signals.  Hence, we can light a libido fire with that candle.

Essential oils that are claimed to increase libido are:

Bergamot

Cedarwood

Cinnamon
Clary Sage

Coriander

Ginger Clove

Jasmine

Nutmeg

Rose
Vanilla

Ylang Ylang

A Vanilla and Cinnamon blend is said to mimic a pheromone-like fragrance to enhance libido

Lavender is a calming fragrance and can help libido by decreasing stress.

AVOID CHERRY...according to Dr. Alan Hirsch, M.D. director of the Smell and Taste Research Foundation in Chicago, the scent of cherry can inhibit sexual arousal.

High end candle stores have listings of the oil combinations in their candles.  You can have the clerks search the lists for candles that contain some of these fragrances.


AND in the cyclical universe that the Lord wondrously made, if you want to increase your smell-ability, have more SEX!  Orgasm releases the hormone prostaglandin which stimulates the olfactory bulb.

Song of Solomon 1:3, "Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out.  No wonder the young women love you!"  (What a beautiful thought, that the young ruler's name was received like a pleasant fragrance that wafts through the air, because his reputation was so good.)

Practical Tools:
1.  Discount stores (T.J. Maxx, Big Lots, Marshalls, etc.) in my area carry high end candles, yours may, too.
2.  Yankee Candle has printable online coupons.
3.  Light up a candle in your living area early in the day to warm up for the evenings sexcapades.


My prayer for you, beautiful ladyfish...

"May this beautiful reader be blessed with abundant knowledge of your love, dear Lord.  In your love for your children, you desire good things for our lives.  Help this woman connect with her husband and find a deep desire for him sexually.  May our marriages be firmly stationed upon you, Lord.  Through our marriages and families, may we shine as your light into the world.  May those who know us feel our love and ask us why we are different.  In Jesus precious name, Amen."

Libido Boundaries?

Franz Heigl

In my libido rescue mission, sketchy (questionable) methods have appeared.  As a Christian, but not a prude, are there limits in this arena?  If I reserve my 'freaky' for only my husband isn't it OK to bring the entire circus to town?  What if the initial surge of libido sparks some great romps in the marital sack, but ultimately grieves God?


Pornography (images), erotica and erotic romance (the latter two are literature, and NOT the same thing I've found) are quick fixes.  But, are they in line with a healthy restoration of libido?


Healthy Thinking from the Bible


The Bible states a few things about healthy thinking, which spills over into all aspects of a healthy life, including libido and sex.


Think on these things, whatever is....(Phil.4:8)


1. True
2. Noble
3.  Right
4.  Pure
5.  Lovely
6.  Worthy of Respect


Virtues from Galatians 5:22-23 


7.  Love
8.  Joy
9.  Peace
10.  Patience
11.  Kindness
12.  Goodness
13.  Faithfulness
14.  Self-Control


The Center for Healthy Sex States (no religious affiliation):
1.  Healthy sex is not secretive or shameful to yourself or another person.


2.  Healthy sex is not abusive in any way.


3.  Healthy sex is not used to ignore or escape feelings.


4.  Healthy sex requires an emotional connection with the other person.


5.  Sexual health is about love, respect, mutual caring, giving and receiving pleasure, and a desire to know yourself and your partner in a deeper way.


These lists are 'quality control.'  Align your libido starters within this range and you are going to have a healthy sex life.  There will be no negative emotions lurking in the background to sabotage your emotional connection with the spouse.

Statue of David, Florence, Italy (vichie81)

Are there beautiful nude images that would not be considered pornography?  YES.  I have stood amazed at the statue of David in Florence, Italy.....breathtaking.  God makes good stuff.  Our bodies are marvels of physics, biology and beauty.


I recently learned that 'pornography' comes from the Greek word meaning prostitute.  Does staring at a stranger's naked body in a sexual pose create an emotional connection with your spouse?  NO.


Am I preaching to the choir when it comes to pornographic images?  Probably.  


But, be careful ladies, in the arena of your reading material.  Be careful of the genre you enter.  There are dark ideas that once implanted in your brain, you cannot remove.

"Everything is permissible for me"-- but not everything is beneficial.  "Everything is permissible for me"-- but I will be mastered by nothing,"        1Corinthians 6:12.

Pornographers know that they have an untapped audience and are researching how to get into the pockets (pants?) of women.  This will be through the guise of romance and relationship and lead to ever increasing situations that will desensitize the female response and finally desensitize to shocking images.  Beware, I foresee a trend where pornographers will increase their pursuit of the female audience.  Guard your hearts.  According to Mark Kastleman, when women are desensitized enough through media and tv, their brains will adopt a more male-like nature.  Kastleman also warns against internet chatrooms as more enticing to women than men because they are relational in nature.

SOUL SATISFACTION

My soul is the Snickers bar and my body is the shiny wrapper.  The Snickers bar was left in the hot sun and it melted within the wrapper.  So the soul is mysteriously intertwined with the flesh covering.  The flesh is extremely sensitive and sensual.  It quickens with novel and unusual.  But, novel and unusual may not be healthy.  


My marriage to Mr. Muscle ultimately focuses on soul and spirit, although much of my postings have to do with the sensual libido.  Neither of us are possessions of the other.  We serve the community striving to embody the virtues above.  Our joy is spiritually connecting with Christ as our focal point.


Jesus said, "The Spirit gives life.  The flesh counts for nothing.  The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life."  John 6:63.


Connecting through the literal and physical one flesh marriage is second to cultivating a relationship with the Lord, as an individual and then as a couple.


Ultimately YOU have to decide where your boundaries are.  These are my personal guidelines and maybe something for others to ponder.


Practical Tools:
1.  Self-Introspection:  Candid evaluation of what's going on in your head (Gal. 6:4)


2.  Take Positive Action:  Do not merely listen to the Word, DO WHAT IT SAYS (James1:22)


3.  Frank discussion with your Mister about what he feels are Biblical libido boundaries.


4.  PRAY




My prayer for you, beautiful ladyfish, comes from Philippians 1:9-11.

"And this I pray, that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense until the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God,"

How Internet Pornographers Market to Women vs. Men by Mark Kastleman




MEMBERS OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE BLOGGERS ASSOCIATION
  Commenting on "mommy porn"


How Kindles Can Wreck Your Marriage by Shelia Gregoire, also see Wifey Wednesday in how to support your friends' marriages.


Porn for Women by Mystery32


'50 Shades' and Infidelity by Affaircare


Stop Grey From Becoming the New Black and White by The Romantic Vineyard


Lead us Not Into EBook Temptation by Marriage by Divine Design


Be Careful Little Eyes What You See by The Alabaster Jar


50 Shades of Great Sex with Your Husband by Intimacy In Marriage


Escape Into Grey by The Generous Wife


A Disturbing Trend in Female Sexual Preferences by The Generous Husband

The Sole Secret to Libido

SOLE MATE TIME

My heart is at the crux of my libido.  I would dare say, for most females, a spike in libido is directly proportional to the amount of emotional connection we feel to our husbands.  

SOLE MATE TIME with your Mr. Solefish (husband) is a powerful tool to energize emotional connection. 

Sole Mate Time is alone time for you and your husband, no kids, no tv, no video games, no iphones, no blog-posting.  You and your husband in conversation.  Alone time isn't just a date once a month.  It's daily and it's quality.

Mr. Muscle and I limped through the child-rearing years without realizing this lustrous nugget of wisdom.  There were days when we were hardly in the same room, let alone had a private conversation.  Have you tried going to the bathroom alone when you have three toddlers?

Frankly, it was hard to wrap our minds around this at first.  BUT, as we honored SOLE TIME (soul to soul), satisfaction spilled over into other aspects of our life.  Our sex life greatly improved.  We were more patient with each other.  We were more of a team in parenting.  When I find time for him, He finds time for me.  When he sees the value I place on him in my life, he reciprocates and shows me value by his time and attention.  Gone are those pangs of 'being taken for granted' (which doesn't do much for the libido).

Even now that child-rearing days have transcended to waiting-patiently-for-grandchildren phase, if we don't spend quality time together, it negatively impacts our sexual encounters and attitude toward one another.  We are blessed to have Mr. Mussel earning quite a few frequent flyer miles these days.  But, that makes alone time just as hard to catch as child-rearing days.  We aren't always successful.  At least now, we're mindful of it.

SOLE MATE TIME is preventative maintenance.

This may seem frightening for the full-time career person, juggling kids/church/civic activities, or the homemaker who has over-committed her schedule with a million volunteer hours.  Where does one find SOLE MATE TIME?  How can one more thing fit into this busy schedule?  

I hear your sighs and see your rolling eyes.

FIRST, Let's UN-BUSY

Stuart Miles/freedigitalphotos.net

First, Let's un-busy and work toward sole mate time.  HOW?  Take stock of the activities that are in your life.  Here are some sample questions to ask of yourself:

1.  God - Your personal relationship with our Lord and Savior, takes ultimate priority.  But, do you really need to serve on four committees at church?  Would serving well on one committee free up time?  "Well, who would do it if I 'retire," you ask.  I say, if it needs to be done, God will fulfill it.  PRAY about your choices and decisions.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight,"  Proverbs 3:5-6.

2.  Family - 
Do you really need to be the team mom for each of your children's teams?  
Does every child really need an extra-curricular activity?  
Can the kids help you with more chores around the house?  
Is too much priority put on a clean house?  (Cleanliness is next to Godliness, but I confess that I can be a little obsessed with neatness and organization.)

3.  Work -
Can I learn to leave the phone/computer off after work-hours?  
Am I being an over-achiever and spending too much time analyzing projects?  (Yes, I realize in this day of scarcity of employment, being a valuable employee is crucial.)  

I had a very dear friend confess to being a workaholic.  She finally came to the conclusion that she had to relinquish her work-zeal for her family's emotional health.  She prayed that God would give her the serenity of just 'doing enough.'  He was in control of whether she retained her job or not.  She just trusted.  She's still employed.  

Don't feel guilty that you are taking time away from the children.  REMEMBER, strong marriage mentoring is the BEST thing you can do for you children.  If your children marry,  they will be married longer than they will be in your house.  Think to their future.

Don't be afraid to unravel yourself.  I found myself stuck in a quandry not wanting to upset anyone by my abdication.  Then, I finally realized my husband was worth far more than a few ruffled feathers.  Give yourself time to clear your plate.  It took me two years to pare down the activities of my life.  

There is an added bonus to clearing your plate.  Not only are you able to spend more time with your husband, now there's less stress to squelch your libido.  Stress has a negative effect on sexual desire.

OPTIMIZE your SOLE TIME  
1)Understanding Male Mode of Communication

Ladyfish, God made our men special and unique.  They process emotion different because of their brain chemistry and relying more on brain stem (fight or flight) activity.  Basically, men are less talk, more do.

The majority of males have less verbal processing centers, around 2, compared to the female who has 6 or 7.  Males have 25% smaller corpus callosum (the bundle of nerves connecting the right and left brain hemispheres).  Because of this men don't connect as many feelings and thoughts into words.  The male verbal processing centers are on the left side of the brain.  If emotional crosstalk is needed between the two hemispheres, it's going to happen slower or maybe get lost in translation.

Conversation does not have to be frustrating for the verbal and emotionally driven ladyfish.  Simply shift your expectations.  This does not mean lower your expectations.  Just realize that your Mr. may need more time between sentences to process what you've said.  

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person," Colossians 4:6.

Just like the song in Music Man, Peck a Little Talk a Little, conversation between females can seem like barnyard ruckus to an action, testosterone driven male.  (Even though the rapid fire Gilmore Girl conversation taking place in the bathroom with a total stranger may be music to our female ears.)  By no means is this a deficiency in the male.  It's the perfect way for men to be!  It's a beautiful complement to our female nature.  By realizing his delay in responding is nature, we can slow the pace down a bit.

After making your statement or question, wait for him to respond.   Don't jump in because you are impatient.  

OPTIMIZE your SOLE TIME
2)  Divest of Yourself, Invest in Spouse

This is a two way street;  Ladyfish need to divest themselves of thoughts of work, children, home responsibilities and the cares of the day to focus solely on Mr. Solefish.  Mr. Solefish needs to turn off the iphone, disconnect from work in every technological way and not think about the big game on ESPN.

Dr. Willard F. Harley recommends we spend 15 hours a week giving each other undivided attention.  Which averages out to 2 hours per day.  However, if this seems ambitious, shoot for 15 minute per day, but try to make it more.   The more time to connect, the greater satisfaction in the bedroom, gents, and the greater emotional connection, ladies.  It's WIN- WIN.

Practical Tools
1.  Create a safe environment, where it is mutually agreed upon that if sensitive subjects are discussed it will be done so with calm (digging deep to find your inner adult) demeanor.  Keep a good tone of voice.

2.  Discuss hopes and fears of the day, week, month, year.

3.  NO Judging.  Think back to the days of when you were first dating.  Everything and anything was divulged and you didn't flinch an eye.  Discuss, don't dis...as in disrespect.

4.  If working around kids, get up a half hour before them.  Or is there time between when they catch the bus and when you have to leave for work?  For Mr. Muscle and I, we discovered morning coffee.  Well, first, Mr. Muscle had to develop a taste for coffee. 

5.  If the only time you can chat is while you accomplish a task (such as yardwork, doing dishes, going to grocery, etc.), then utilize that.  But, optimally, it should be a more relaxed setting.

6.  And soul mate time with joint prayer can sky-rocket your connection.

"Is anyone among you troubled?  Let them pray.  Is anyone happy?  Let them sing songs of praise.  Is anyone among you sick?  Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord.  And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up.  If they have sinned they will be forgiven.  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective,"  James 5:13-16.

Remember for most ladyfish, the heart is at the crux of the libido.

You might also enjoy reading encouragement at The Alabastar Jar!
For more UN-BUSY motivation:  See Joyous Journeys:  Are you too b-u-s-y?

Where Did My Sexy Go?

The schematic for male vs. female arousal

The elusive female libido....OK, You're right, if a female is under the age of 25, libido isn't too elusive.  However, for my target audience of married ladies with or without children, probably a job, definitely a home to upkeep, groceries to stock and laundry to do, libido may be a little elusive.  I was on on a scavenger hunt the last few years searching for my libido.  It was found and then it slipped away again.


Why is this important?  So what if it's gone?  It's important because, the vast majority of married men say that Sexual Fulfillment is their top emotional need.  I personally believe, going through the motions is not enough.  The most fulfilling sexual encounter for men is when their wives desire them and reach climax.  


Why is sex so important to men?  Men's brains are wired differently.  (For a more scientific understanding of his 'wiring,' see former Pearl post WHY SEX?)  It's just a fact.  God made us that way.  Men need sex like they need air.  Don't you remember that yearning Pearlgirls, when you ached for his touch?  Well, guys feel that a large percentage of the time (at least my guy says so).  Could you imagine trying to focus when that feeling is pervasive?  I believe it's important to help Mr. Muscle (a.k.a my husband) alleviate that ache.  I'm the only one who's supposed to do it.

Song of Solomon 7:10, "I am my beloved's and his desire is towards me."

Man Paragraph
To 95% of men, having low or no sex drive, is probably one of the most foreign concepts ever contemplated.  Female libido is multi-faceted.  It involves the physical, spiritual and emotional.  Be patient and caring with your lady.  DO discuss your feelings calmly and as candidly as possible.  Pressure will have the exact opposite effect of what you desire.  Emotional connection is the key.


Now, let's discuss more of the female yearning....


Female sexual appetite waxes and wanes through a lifetime.  Low libido usually parallels stressful times.  Chronic low libido in women is know as Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder.  This doesn't mean the inability to climax.  It's the lack or even repulsion of sexual thoughts and desires.  The discussion today, is for the waxing and waning of sexual desire.  If you feel you lean into the HSDD category, please see your doctor.  Check out this link to the mayo clinic for Female Sexual Dysfunction.


REASONS for Low Libido:
(DISCLAIMER #1:  I am NOT a health professional.  I'm just your girlfriend throwing some thoughts out there on what I've researched.)


1.  Health Problems


Health problems that could affect libido; anemia, major diseases such as diabetes, hypothyroidism, depression/anxiety and many others.  If you have low libido and you've not been feeling yourself (brain fog, weight gain, can't lose weight, hair loss, etc...) go see your doctor armed with a list of your ailments and questions for him/her.  Other things to consider are:  adrenal fatigue if you are chronically tired.


2.  Medications


Certain prescription medications could be affecting your libido.  Check the side of effects.  You may be able to ask your doctor for an alternative prescription of a drug that accomplishes the same thing without the side effect.


3.  Hormone Imbalance


Hormone imbalance does not happen to only women in menopause.  (I was greatly encouraged by a British article that says there isn't necessarily a correlation between low libido and menopause.)  Testosterone plays a major factor in female sex drive as well as male.  However, there has to be a delicate balance between estrogen, progesterone and testosterone.  The luteinizing hormone may also play a factor in low libido.


4.  Emotional disconnect with your spouse.


Do your conversations revolve around a to-do list, or do you discuss hopes and fears of the day?  If the majority of your conversations are of the to-do list variety, put Emotional Connection on your to-do list.  


5.  Poor Body Image/Self-Esteem


Flawless females are a dime a dozen on magazine covers.  If I traveled with my air-brush artist, I'd be looking pretty awesome all the time, too. 


6.  Stress


I think this is self-explanatory.  Stress and over-activity zap our energy and are huge libido squelchers.  


7.  Abuse


Beautiful readers, I do not want to gloss over the fact that numbers of adults have been violated sexually at some point in their lives.  We all need to be aware that this is a very real facet.  I am not equipped to converse on that issue other than to say, if you have been abused and have not sought out counseling to heal, please do.  I will glady be your prayer partner in this.






My Libido Rescue

The scavenger hunt for my libido was eventually abandoned.  I went on a bona fide RESCUE MISSION.  I started with PRAYER and a very open heart, going down the check list.


HORMONE IMBALANCE SUSPECTED
Night sweats, foggy brain, inconsistent cycles, all were clues that something was starting to misfire.  I made an appointment with a menopause hormone specialist.


Personally, I did find a slight increase in libido when I started bio-identical hormone therapy.  This therapy is prescribed by a medical professional who specializes in menopausal hormone therapy.  She measured my hormonal levels and put them in balance.  Disclaimer #2:  Bio-identical hormones are not regulated by the FDA.


If you suspect hormone imbalance, go to your healthcare provider.  I sought out a healthcare professional who was an advocate of bio-identicals.  HOWEVER,  only YOU can determine what is best for you.  Do your research on traditional prescription hormones versus alternative bio-identical hormones.  Talk with your friends and family who are in the healthcare industry.


EMOTIONAL CONNECT
Emotional re-connection can take time.  The easiest cure for emotional disconnect is the gift of TIME.  TIME ALONE TOGETHER, conversing while doing something you both enjoy (conversation over a cup of coffee, game of boggle, fishing, it doesn't have to be sexual......but it can be).  We bought a deck of 'conversation cards' to prime the conversation pump at first.  These cards have simple questions on them.  What did you want to be when you grew up?  What was your favorite high school memory?  What European city would you most like to visit?  This link, Conversation Starters, is another good list.


BODY IMAGE
I am 64 inches tall.  At 32 weeks of pregnancy with twins, I was 56 inches around!  You can probably imagine what crepe paper looks like.  Welcome to twin skin.  My lower abdomen area will never be two-piece worthy again.  I'm OK with that.


What I wasn't OK with was getting winded unloading the groceries from the car.  I wasn't OK with my blood tests showing I was pre-diabetic.  I wasn't OK with having borderline high blood pressure and a sluggish thyroid.  I wasn't OK with the extra pounds that had been creeping on over the years.  Gone were the feelings of being a powerful, vigorous body.


Well, as a new favorite facebook picture says, "Life doesn't come with a remote.  You have to change yourself."


My cure for negative body image was EXERCISE.  I know, I know, it's a dirty 8 letter word.  Chew on this for awhile, let it simmer in your brain.  We'll explore exercise and sexual health later.

3 John 1:2, "Beloved, I pray that all might go well with you, that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul."

PRAYER


Mr. Muscle and I began to pray together, out loud.  It was uncomfortable at first.  With consistency, it didn't take long for it to be wonderful bonding time with our Lord and very comforting.  It went a long way in helping us emotionally connect, too.

  Psalm 56:8 "You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in your bottle, are they not in your book?"  

He counts our tears and preserves them.  He is a kind and compassionate Lord.  God cares about every detail of our lives.  Since he does care about every aspect, when I go through low libido episodes, I pray about it.  I have prayed for my libido to improve, for his libido to dimish, and everything in between.  The most effective prayer is when I pray over:

 Philippians 4:6, "Be anxious about nothing.  But, in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests known to God."  And boy, don't we all have so much to be thankful for???

I was finally on my way to re-claim my Sexy......  AND you can be on your way, too, beautiful ladyfish!


My prayers are with you radiant readers, that your marriage can be a beacon for your children and others to see Christ shining through.






I agree with One Flesh Marriage that Sex is the Glue.