Best Kept Secret to Lift Low Female Libido

It’s Libido Monday!  Why do I write about remedies for low libido?  Because, it doesn’t have to stay that way!  Do you have the desire to change?  Then start trying to make it happen. 

If it weren’t for outside intervention, my libido would be chronically low.  My intervention started in a small room in my heart.  Not with a close cluster of good friends and family, just the Holy Spirit urging me to embrace this part of marriage with irreverent reverence.

Today I offer just one suggestion for your intervention.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God,”             Philippians 4:6.

PRAYER

I’m not sorry to be a clanging gong and noisy cymbal when it comes to prayer. PRAYER is paramount.  It tethers you with Thee One who created sex for intimacy in marriage. 

I never dreamed that I would pray to God about sexual desire.  It felt like I was praying for a new Ferrari, at first.  Wasn’t it frivolous to want to have sexual desire?  Wasn’t that just fluff?  I should pray for my needs, not my wants.  However, Mr. Muscle felt strongly that sexual desire on my part wasn’t just fluff.

Pray for libido resources to be revealed. 

Pray for sources to come your way that may help you understand HOW to increase your sexual desire.  Every situation is different.  Unfortunately, there is no ‘cure all.’  Female Viagra sounds enticing.  However, a quick fix may not be the right fix.  I am not discounting that God could bestow a libido miracle if he wanted.  But, maybe part of your walk with God will involve being proactive with your married sex life. 

Intentional Libido:  Be intentional with your sexual intimacy by taking that part of your life by the…..shoulders.  Start reading, start googling, start talking to your friends and healthcare workers.  Ask God to guide you to the knowledge you need to increase your libido for yourself and your husband.  Be open to the unorthodox (not unethical or ‘sketchy’, just outside of the box a little), you never know where help may come.

Pray for relaxed communication with husband.

Let your hubby in on the secret.  You are trying to improve your libido.  Things got a lot better when Mr. Muscle and I got comfortable talking outside of the bedroom about our sex life.  

If there are concerns or ideas along the way that may make your husband sensitive, pray for the exact right moment and words to convey your thoughts.  You may want to tell him you need …..

1) encouragement and positive words during the rendezvous.   

2) more time to get in the mood, like a whole day.  

3) a different technique (rough, gentle, faster, slower).  

4) more non-sexual touch (affection) through the day.  Etc….    

God will give your husband an open heart to hear and accept what you have to say.

Pray for an attitude shift. 

Find your jolly heart.  Laughter and orgasm release nearly the same amount of feel good bonding chemicals in your brain.  Your jolly heart will reshape the sexual encounter into a rendezvous, tryst, sexcapade, etc., not just a chore.  

My jolly heart likes an inside joke.  Sometimes I wear seductive undies.  I think it’s funny because if the public only knew what this middle aged woman occasionally has on under her capris….and it makes me feel a little sexy, even when the persona I show to the world isn’t.

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones,” Proverbs 17:22.

Ask your husband to pray with you and for you regarding your sexual intimacy.  In addition to libido, he can pray for ways to make you more comfortable and encouraged in the bedroom.  He can pray how to connect with you more emotionally outside of the bedroom to eliminate all obstacles in regaining your libido.

Beautiful ladyfish, know that God will answer your prayers positively!!  God desires families to be strong.  Families are strong through spiritual, emotional and physical unity of the mama and papa.  Part of this unity comes from a satisfying sexual experience for both husband and wife. 

If your husband is not as strongly connected to his faith as you, this may be a way to solidify his belief in God.  As he witnesses you actively praying for answers to improve his most favorite ‘bonding time’, and seeing positive steps being made, hubby may begin to realize that there is something to this ‘faith’ stuff.

LOW LIBIDO IS NOT EXCLUSIVE TO FEMALES.  Does hubby have the low libido?  Start praying these things for him.

What have I forgotten?  Please share your ideas or experiences about what other specific items can be prayed for regarding regaining libido.

Linking with The Alabaster Jar:  Marital Oneness Monday
Linking with Tolovehonorandvacuum: Wifey Wednesday
Linking with Unveiled Wife: Wednesday Link-Up Party

God Is Not Anti-Beauty

Ever felt bogged down trying to come to terms with the spiritual nature of our fleshy selves?  


How do we juggle the dual nature of body & soul?


Becominghiseve's, Hannah, is a sweet soul sister and I am energized by her blog's perspective.  She has graciously allowed me to guest post.  Please follow me over to the garden for, "Permission Granted!"

Superheroes Defrocked

In the life of a marriage, at some point, the Superhero reveals the inner complexities of his/her psyche.  Batman’s underpinning really isn’t about justice.  He’s about serving revenge against those who murdered his parents.  Mystique uncloaks to reveal her blue form and yellow eyes.  She likes to take matters into her own hands.  Batman and Mystique can hurt the ones they love, mostly unintentionally.  Batman and Mystique are damaged goods.  Aren’t we all???

What happens when the masks come off and there is disillusionment?  How a marriage handles this revelation can make or break it. 

Mr. Muscle and I were stripped of our Superhero costumes.  Dark workings were revealed.  The very thing I was subconsciously afraid of, happened.  I lost trust.  I was disillusioned (with BOTH of us).  Our life was in turmoil.

This is where choice comes in.  What’s the next step?  Batman and Mystique are weary.  How do you battle on?  With HOPE!

“No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning because they are born of God,” 1 John 3:9.

Realize you are not battling each other.  You are battling against the forces in this world, behaviors that move us farther from God.  How does one push aside inner wounds in order to acknowledge the demons of the other, especially when those demons caused the wounds in the first place?

“This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment:  In this world we are like Jesus.  There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love,” 1 John 4:17,18.

Jesus will help you each lay aside the hurt so that in spite of the flaws, and because of them, you can build each other up and heal.  God will help you overcome your fear of pain to rebuild if you ask.

The blessing comes in the rebuilding.  We reconstructed our home as an invisible fortress over several years.  The foundation of which was solidly based on the Grace and Mercy and Forgiveness of Jesus Christ.  Invisible so that we could share with others the flaws of our life and how the love of Christ can transmutate a marriage between two sinners.

"So let God do his will in you.  Yell a loud NO at the devil and watch him scamper.  Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time.  Quit dabbling in sin.  Purify your inner life.  Quit playing the field.  Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out.  The fun and games are over.  Get serious, really serious.  Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet," James 4:7-10 (The Message).

In restrospect, I was relieved and elated to discover Mr. Muscle’s complexities.  I came to know the WHOLE man.  Not just the charming and handsome exterior, but the dark and marred interior.  He let me in and trusted me with the most vulnerable part of his inner workings.  How could I not trust him again?  It helped me work through my inner Mystique, as well.

Our nemesis' are still plotting and resurface occasionally.  We just have to keep on guard.  Pearl and Mr. Muscle don't have a corner on the 'perfect' market, FAR from it.  We've just learned to be persistent in our love.

What about our sexual intimacy during all of this?  Well, it took a nose dive for a while.  But, like I mentioned in "Why NO to Sex," you cannot wait until everything is gleaming in Metropolis to restore that most important part of your union.  There was a direct correlation to our sexual fulfillment and our emotional reconnection.  It was just one more miracle God performed in our marriage.

Practical tools:

PRAY TOGETHER with your spouse.

PRAY for the truth to be revealed if ‘red flags’ are on your radar.

PRAY for complete, non-judgmental communication.

PRAY for true repentance within both of your hearts.

STUDY God’s Word together and discuss.

ROLL UP your emotional sleeves.  Love your spouse enough to want to help them overcome their issues, even if it is painful for both of you.  The pain will subside and joy will be restored as you align yourselves closer to God.

My Prayer for you beautiful ladyfish:

“Dear Lord, not all marriages are in crisis.  I pray that you bolster the marriage of the reader with honesty and unity and joy.  I pray that the lovely reader and her spouse can be Superhero’s for their marriage.  Brave with the courage of Christ to face tough issues and bare their failings for true healing, if needed.  I pray that the Holy Spirit be an all encompassing presence in their home.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.”


Linking with The Alabaster Jar & Marital Oneness Monday
Linking with tolovehonorandvacuum Wifey Wednesday.

Yes, Virginia, Superb Mother-In-Laws DO Exist!

I want to share that I lost someone very dear to me on July 6th.  Mr. Muscle's mama went home to the Lord that day.  I know many out there have mother-in-law issues.  And where Mr. Muscle and I have had our issues, my MIL was a 'mother-in-love.'

She was a gift from God.  And these are the things I learned from her:

1.  You are never too old to change.  This woman was using a Swiffer the week it came out in the stores.  This may seem stupid, but I'm much more cautious when it comes to the latest thing.  She was all for it and embraced it.  She embraced all new experiences.

2.  Everyone is dealing with something.  And although this isn't a new thought, it was a new thought for a 25 year old.  She helped me see that actions were sometimes the reactions of a hurt spirit.

3.  Mental Illness is a valid illness.  But, it doesn't give you an excuse.  It gives you a purpose.

4.  Honor the choice your son or daughter has made in their mate. Believe it or not, I WAS NOT the optimum choice my MIL would have made, for reasons I won't go into here.  She accepted me and loved me.  She never spoke down to me.  She went out of her way to get to know me.  

5.  Don’t stick your nose in your married children’s business.  But do make your concern and availability known.  If a difficult subject is broached or advice sought, use the most diplomatic language possible.  Think carefully how to phrase things so to not place any wedge between you and your adult children.

In looking forward to when one will be an in-law, remember respect of your child's final mate choice is paramount.  We taught our children their values.  Let's trust that their values will lead them to an honorable individual as their mate.  and PRAY!

I can only hope to honor my "Naomi" by being the loving, non-judgmental mother-in-law to the next generation that she was to me.

“But, Ruth replied to Naomi, ‘Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you.  Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God.  Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried.  May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me,’” Ruth 1: 16,17.

Oysters and Sauerkraut

Well, surely you knew there had to be a post sooner or later about OYSTERS as aphrodisiacs.  Pearl is NOT an oyster fan (cannibalism and all...*wink*).  I believe where there is smoke, there is fire.  Old Wives Tales usually contain an element of truth.

Here’s what I’ve found:

Oysters contain a large amount of zinc.  Zinc affects female and male sexual drive through different pathways.

In men, zinc increases testosterone availability.

testosterone is converted into estrogen through an enzyme called, aromatase.  Zinc is an aromatase inhibitor.  Zinc inhibits aromatase’s action to convert testosterone into estrogen.  This means, more testosterone will be floating around.  Thus, levels are raised for males.

In females, zinc encourages dopamine production.  Dopamine is the delicious brain chemical that encourages libido.

Aside from chemical composition, an oysters flesh is said to resemble the area which husbands seek, the vulvar area.  And hence, oysters are also a visual stimulant.

And now on to a little known aphrodisiac Pearl LOVES (Mr. Muscle, doesn’t love it at all….)

SAUERKRAUT

 

Sauerkrat contains large amounts of tyramine.  Tyramine is neurotransmitter releasing agent.  In other words, it’s a chemical that induces the release of feel good brain chemicals.  This includes our friend, dopamine!

“A person who is full refuses honey, but even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry,” Proverbs 27:7.

The two foods mentioned above, are specifically known as aphrodisiacs.  However, modifying diet to include healthy choices is the best chance you can give your sexual appetite.  The most important organ in regards to sexual libido is between our ears, not our legs.

Brain foods includes food with lots of proteins.  Protein is made of amino acids and can be converted to neurotransmitters (feel good chemicals) in the brain.  

Some brain foods include: 

oily fish (which is a double whammy, because Omega 3 also increases dopamine and serotonin levels)

red meat

eggs

cottage cheese

beans

peas

wheatgerm

bananas

milk

Spices that can boost dopamine levels include:  basil, black pepper, cayenne pepper, chili peppers, cumin, fennel, flax seeds, garlic, hinger, mustard seeds, rosemary, sesame seeds, tarragon and turmeric.

Overall, the best food choices you can make for your body are those least processed foods.  Choose organic whenever possible.  I am not a hippy mama.  But, I do believe that the pesticides, hormones and other chemicals used to aid in the production of our food can be detrimental in ways we are yet unaware.  If you cannot choose organic, choose the least processed food possible.  Choose fresh spinach over frozen spinach.  Choose frozen spinach over canned spinach…etc.  Choose a chicken breast over a chicken breast patty or chicken nuggets.  These are only my suggestions.

“One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person only eats vegetables.  Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him.  Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another?  It is before his own master that he stands or falls.  And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand,” Romans 14:2-4.

For more information on a libido diet, see Dr. Cecilia Tregear’s “Between the Sheets” Diet. 
Linking up with The Alabaster Jar's Marital Oneness Monday.

Walking on Eggshells or Sunshine?

Is there someone in your life that you refrain from sharing much of your inner thoughts with because of fear of their reaction?

There was a time in our marriage that my husband walked on eggshells whenever discussing problematic issues with me.  I had a tendency to go ballistic.  Yeah, I was the bulging eye-ball lady.  My head did some spinning and there was an explosion of negative emotion blasting out of my mouth.

Consistently being judgmental and over-reactionary, taught my husband to bottle up his thoughts/emotions or at least not divulge them to me.  Guess how much effective communication happened in our marriage?

It took practice, but I learned to create a safe emotional environment in which to have discussions.  I had to ask myself a few questions. 

Would I want to share information if I had the fear of getting my face chewed off? 

Do I want to be the friend of my husband or the parole officer?

So, I prayed and remembered the golden rule by which all relationships will thrive, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” Luke 6:31.

On the other hand, Mr. Muscle wasn’t the only one who faced critical reactions.  So, we had a sit-down and came up with a few ground rules.

~We are adults who love each other.

~We wish our marriage to thrive with joy.

~We are humans who have failings.

~Neither of us are responsible for the other’s sins.

~We each owned up to our own responsibility to refrain from sin.

~We each owned up to our responsibility to not hurt the other.

~We would try to reverse the initial knee jerk, negative reactions with calm,

   “Let’s work on this together,” reactions.

Ecclesiastes 7:8-9, “Finishing is better than starting.  Patience is better than pride.  Don’t be quick-tempered, for anger is the friend of fools.”

Finishing with a cool head is better!  Having this discussion meant packing away past hurts.  It was committing to a fresh start of sunshine.  We would move forward with forgiveness and forgetfulness.

It’s such a blessing to walk on sunshine instead of eggshells.

Linking with the Unveiled Wife's Wednesday Party.

Song of Solomon Pick-Up Lines

Beautiful ladyfish, Please enjoy the Song of Solomon Pick-Up Lines Video.  I promise to unveil more quirky and interesting libido information next Monday.  Until then, think about how your hubby could impress you with these words....... 

7 Things I Asked My Son About Marriage

My 22 year-old son phoned me very upset.  His girlfriend had given him an ultimatum of sorts.  She told him she may never believe in God, let alone a savior in Jesus Christ.  He understood that even as the boyfriend, he had a budding leadership role to promote unity of faith.  This was a pivotal life moment.

When words came forth from my heart in counsel to my hurting son, I knew they were of the Holy Spirit.  Measley ol’ Pearl is not clever or discerning enough.  These are the 7 things my son was asked to contemplate regarding  his potential future with this young lady.

1.      As the husband, how will you promote spiritual unity within the home?

How do you anticipate marriage will flow if she doesn’t believe as you?  Will you expect conflict or calm, especially down the road when the newness of romance and honeymoon have long worn into everyday life?  Will you ever find spiritual joy together?

(Phil. 2:1-18)

2.    Where will you find the worth of your marriage and life together?

“For you know it wasn’t with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you by your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect,” 1Peter 1:18-19.

3.    What will be your purpose in life together? 

Will it be to work day-in and day-out to accumulate wealth and earthly treasure…or will your purpose be to look outside of yourselves to serve with God-endowed talents?

“But, whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many,”  Matthew 20:26-28.

4.    What ‘life-manual’ are you going to use? 

As much as I’m an optimist, imperfect humans can’t be trusted to write and remain true to their own ‘moral code.’ Having high morals and integrity are good things.  Non-believers exhibit these fine qualities.  But, when these qualities are strengthened with the mercy and grace of Christ and the truths of God-breathed scripture, marriages can thrive.

5.     When problems arise (and they will), how will you work through them? 

When the husband and wife both have personal relationships with Jesus Christ, the marriage has an overtone of humility.  If God forgave me of my sins because of Christ’s sacrifice, how can I not forgive my husband of his sins?  Problems are prayed about and solutions revealed.  (Eph. 4:23)  Will divorce be an easy next step if the bride and groom haven’t mutually committed marriage vows unto God?

6.    From where will your children’s HOPE come?  

To me, this is MOST IMPORTANT.  Don’t you want to leave a legacy of HOPE for your children and subsequent generations?  Don’t you want to give them knowledge of the peace that passes all understanding in this world and eternal life in the next?  Fill their hearts with spiritual substance so that when they yearn for purpose and understanding they won’t run to drugs/alcohol/sex, they will run to the Bible.

“We, who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go.  It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us…,” Hebrews 6:18-20 (The Message).

7.     Are you prepared to teach your children about God and Christ and Holy Spirit ALL BY YOURSELF? 

Or, do you want a partner who will help impart Christ’s love and Biblical words to your children?  (Eph. 6:4)

Be strong and courageous, my dear son.  Marriage is much more complex than just a fun outlet of sexual expression.  If you are building a life together, who is the mortar between your bricks?  What tools are you going to use?   The wise man builds his house upon the rock.

"......Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.  Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.  Then you will be prosperous and successful.  Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go,"    Joshua 1:8-9.

My prayer for you beautiful ladyfish:  “God, please endow this lovely lady with insight for the future of her children or the children she mentors.  Help her be open to the Holy Spirit’s guidance when tough questions arise from these children.  Give her a ready answer about her faith and why her faith strengthens every facet of her life.  In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.”

Linking with The Alabaster Jar & Marital Oneness Monday 
Linking with The Unveiled Wife & Link Up Party

Family Crisis and Intimacy

Libido Monday was christened last week, and this week I am writing about the near opposite.

When medical crisis, family emergencies and family conflict invade the peace of life, libido may be the first thing to disappear.  The emotional and physical energy of tending to the needy, tends to drain the libido tank. 

Intimacy is not always sexual in nature.  However, the sweet communion of tenderness and intertwining can be the prescription for a drained spirit, ladies.  The closeness of skin and contact with your other half can help you feel vital and alive.

For your husband, beautiful ladyfish, intimacy can be giving your spouse space.  Give men time to process weighty emotional matters.  Their brains are wired differently and truly take longer to evaluate their emotions.  It’s not that they want to be difficult or appear less intelligent.  We’ll discuss male brain structure and function in regards to verbal and emotional processing more fully in a later post.  


In times of heavy emotional crisis, applying the knowledge of Michael Gurian's, 'Intimate Separateness,' can be helpful.  Intimate separateness gives men time to process.  It just means, backing off a little, ladies.  Be silent.  Let him go shoot skeet, play basketball, or go bowling with you or his friends.  Guys don't need the same type of emotional support females do.  'Doing' is a solace.

In times of heavy emotional crisis, laugh.  OK, maybe we are the most insensitive family in the world, but we’ve learned to laugh about constipation, morphine loopiness, and catheter bag explosions.  We are not irreverent.  We have just decided to not take this world too seriously, because our true home lies across the Jordan.

I end this by asking you, dear readers, to pray for my mentor, Mother-in-love, and friend.  She is awaiting the final moment to go on to her glory.  She has taught me how to navigate being a woman.  Soon, I will share her quirky nuggets of wisdom (in another post).  I praise God that it will only be a momentary separation.  She already promised me when she gets to heaven, she’ll tell my mom, “Hi.”  Also, please pray for Mr. Muscle.  She taught him how to be the affectionate and loving man that I would die for.

Practical Tools:

1.  PRAY

2.  Communicate openly about your husband’s sexual needs during times of crisis.

3.  Be open to fulfilling his need of sexual intimacy even if you are lagging in libido.

4.  Don't take this world too seriously, find something to laugh about daily.

For those who are also currently enduring the grit of life that produces luster, this is our prayer for us, beautiful ladyfish:

"Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress;my eyes grow weak with sorrow,my soul and body with grief……But I trust in you, Lord;I say, 'You are my God,' ” Psalm 31: 9, 16.

Linking with The Alabaster Jar: Marital Oneness Monday


Linking with 'tolovehonorandvacuum' Wifey Wednesday:  Magic Mike, Marriage and Women's Libido