While Oysters R In Season

‘While Oysters R in Season’, Pearl is going on a little hiatus.

Most coastal dwellers know to only eat oysters in months that end in R.  Some think this is an old wives tale having only to do with the lack of refrigeration in days gone by.  But, as with most ‘old wives tales’ there is an element of wisdom.  People around here still live by the R rule.

Here are four highly debated points.  I believe they are true.

1.       Spawning

     May thru August, oysters are spawning and growing.   The Oyster population using their energy to spawn, typically has less flesh than when they are just relaxing and not being frisky. 

2.    Spats

The newly created ‘spats’ (baby oysters) have milky, bitter flesh.  It typically takes 4 months for spats to reach maturity.  So, if you do the math, spats spawned in May will be mature in September.

3.    Vibrio parahaemolyticus

     The warmer months of summer promote growth of a bacteria called vibrio parahaemolyticus.  Vibrio likes to house itself in oysters.  In cooler months, there is less chance of getting vibrio poisoning.  Skeptics say all you have to do is cook the oysters to kill the vibrio.  But, who wants to take chances?

4.  Rise in birth rate in months ending E, Y, and T.  Yep, Oysters are an aphrodisiac.  Check out Oysters and Sauerkraut for the science.  

This brings us to the hiatus part.  It's only for 1/4 of the oyster season, though.

As the rest of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association takes on a blogging marathon challenge, I need to take a step back.

It’s only a HIATUS, nothing permanent.  The past week has taken me to my hometown to help care for my invalid father.  The next week is taking us out of the country.  The week after that is taking us to a week long family reunion at the beach.  I don’t know how much internet access will be available.  But, truly my family needs my sole attention during the month of October.

I know my energy limits.  I want to give you the best of my thoughts and writing.  Juggling jet lag and family dynamics may just take all I’ve got to survive.  J

This has been a prayerful decision.  I will try to check in through facebook and twitter from time to time.

I will be back going strong in November.  Look forward to a small travelogue, family satire and an interview with my favorite doctor, Tabetha Smith, menopause hormone specialist.

THANK YOU dear sweet friends and compatriots, for following the OysterBed.  You have strengthened and encouraged me more than you know.    I can't wait to come back invigorated and with renewed wit (or my delusional wish of having wit).

As you travel your way this October, I leave you with:

Tefillat HaDerech

www.hebrew4christians.com

(a Hebrew Traveler’s Blessing)

May it be your will, Adonai, My God, to guide me in peace

and direct me in peace and keep me from all dangers along the way,

and bring blessing to the work of my hands and return me home in peace.

The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in,

from this time forth and forevermore.

I would LOVE to hear your topical suggestions for Pearl to cover when hiatus is over.  Please email your thoughts to Pearlmail3 at gmail dot com.

Please check out www.upliftingmarriage.com to check out the bloggers who have accepted the challenge to write for 13 days in their unique perspectives of how to encourage Christian marriage.

Sexual Variety and Libido

Do you take the same route to the bank or to work?  Do you park in the same spot when you go to the grocery? Do you listen to the same radio station?  Do you visit the same 2 restaurants and order the same 2 entrees?  Like a well orchestrated memorized dance, is your lovemaking beautiful, yet routine?

I can easily do all of the above.  Familiarity makes me feel comfortable.  I know what to expect.  If I don’t park in the same area of the parking lot, I become a dottery old lady walking through the lot pushing my remote key’s panic button in hopes of a response from my car.  Sometimes, juggling everyday life, I’m just too tired to try to deal with the unknown.

However, according to StonyBrook University and University of Michigan researchers, novel experiences shared with your mate promotes long term marital satisfaction.  Of 123 married couples who participated in this study, those who felt they were bored with their marriage at year 7, showed greater dissatisfaction at year 16 than those who didn’t feel bored at year 7.

Doing new things together not only enhances your bond as husband and wife, but new stimuli can keep your brain healthy.  Experiences that show us new ideas or perspectives pushes our brains to build new pathways. (The Adaptive Brain: Aging and Neurocognitive Scaffolding.)

When your marriage was new, libido was not a problem.  Granted, hormones were plump and juicy and love banks were overflowing.  Could this also be because most of the experiences were first time fresh?  Introducing novel experiences into the marriage can enhance excitement.  If this new experience is sexual, I bet it can promote libido.  

Low libido women typically have to be more mindful about their love making.  But, this extra effort is good news.  

Here’s how novelty can promote your personal growth and libido as well as sustaining something special within your marriage.

Creative Process

Planning a new element to you and your husband’s rendezvous will allow your thoughts to wonder to sexuality throughout the day.  It’s intentional thought, not obsession.  Decide will this be a surprise or does your mister need to be in on it to help carry it to fruition?

Courage

It takes courage to try something new, no matter how slight the variation.  Courage builds self-confidence.  Whether the variety lights roman candles or just sparklers, either way it’s a success.

Growth

Planning a novel experience allows you to grow in relationship with your husband.  Trying something new is opening yourself to growth.  Growth usually comes from a new experience.

Thoughts on how to add variety to your lovemaking

Novelty can start small, like….

New Scent

Fragrance sheets with something different.  Buy a new cologne for you or him.  Use a new candle fragrance in your bedroom.  May I suggest you read Smellin’ Sexy for fragrances with aphrodisiac qualities?

New Music

Use a new collection of music that is outside of your ordinary tastes.  Why not try Christian Hip Hop or Hard Rock?  or go Classical with Rachmoninoff’s hard pounding piano or Debussey’s lyrical cascades?  Try some ‘50s Do-Wop, Country (“If I Told You, You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me”), or barbershop (“Everybody Wants to go to Heaven, But Nobody Wants to Die”).

New Lubrication or Body Oil  
If you haven’t tried coconut oil, I highly suggest it.  See Buttery Love.

Body Blitz*

Contemplate glitter, temporary tattoos, vajazzling, or different personal body grooming (Brazilian anyone?)*

Novelty can start bigger, like….

New position*
Take a lesson from J using stick figures.

New Clothing, Costuming or Lingerie
With the Halloween stores open and preparing to outfit the children for the season, there is a plethora of cheap costume ideas.  I think it’s pertinent to mention that costumes should not promote fantasy disassociation.  In other words, don’t fantasize that your costumed husband is anyone other than your husband.  But, it’s not a far stretch to see your husband as Superman who jumps dead car batteries in a single keyturn, or a Salty Pirate who wants to ravish YOU, his marriage booty.

New Location*

This can be a tough one if children are still in the house.  However, outside in a tent in your backyard would be interesting.  Pitch it for the ‘kids’ and you can take advantage of it, too, after they are asleep.  Take the baby monitor with you.  You can use different rooms in the house after kids are asleep.  A car parked in the garage is another idea. Vacations are good for new location.  (Check out this site for unique backyard tent creations.)

Will all of these things be a ‘comfortable’ experience?  Well, if your car is a Mini-Cooper, the answer may be no.  But, it’s the endeavor that matters.

Not only will novelty enhance libido and increase brain health, it can sustain a feeling of camaraderie and lightness of heart.  Give it a shot!  The worst that can happen is that it will be a failed attempt.  But, that just lets you know what not to do next time.  The failed attempt may not be orgasmic, but I bet it'll be full of humor.  When your hubby says, "Hey Honey, let's go check the yard for fire ants!"  You'll know exactly what he's thinking!  Who doesn't love an inside joke?  

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights...,"James 1:17.

I know I've not even skimmed the surface of creativeness here....what have I forgotten???

*J at hotholyandhumorous has touched on these subjects, go over and check her out!!

Linked with Jolene at The Alabaster Jar:  Marital Oneness Monday

Linked with Sheila Gregoire at tolovehonorandvacuum: Wifey Wednesday

Love at First Bite

www.freedigitalphotos.com

According to a 2010 research study conducted by Chadwick Martin Bailey on behalf of Match.com, 1 in 6 marriages  since 2007 met through an online dating service.  If you count all committed relationships, this percentage jumps to 1 in 5.  I personally know quite a few couples who have been introduced through technology.

When this phenomenon first appeared, there was a slight stigma, a blush of response.  I remember asking a friend from another town where she met her new boyfriend (now husband).  She looked down and spoke with hushed tones into a hand that covered her mouth.  

“What?”  I asked loudly to coax her into a more audible tone, “You met through an escort service?”  

“NO!” She blared and then still in a hushed tone, but directed more my way, she said a bit more boldly, “We met through an online dating service.”

As more matches are made in heaven cyberspace, there is less stigma. 

Mr. Muscle and I met the old fashioned way, sans technology, in college.   We first set eyes on each other at a retreat held off campus for the student governing boards of our respective dormitories (uni-sex dorms, not co-ed).  The focus of the retreat was to learn parliamentary procedure (*yawn*).

It was late Friday afternoon, when two girlfriends and I arrived in a lime green Ford Fairlane.  The boys were playing flag football.  I immediately took notice of a handsome guy wearing an orange Tennessee Vol’s mesh football jersey.  The Tom Selleck chest and moustache were both heart stopping.  It was a nice sight to enjoy for the moment and then I went about unpacking.

(Side note:  Girls, hairy chests used to be very appealing.  I still find them so and am mystified by the need to ‘manscape.’)

Later in the evening, after dinner, we played ice-breaker games.  One of these games included a Caller (or leader) naming two body parts, then boys and girls paired to connect the body part.  I know that sounds a little suggestive, but it was platonic.  Toe-to-knee, would involve one person placing a toe on another person’s knee.

After touching, you introduce yourself to your partner. 

When nose-to-ankle was called out, Mr. Tennessee (a.k.a future Mr. Muscle), found his way over to me.  He kneeled down and BIT my ankle.  That unexpected nibble got my attention!  When I remember it, my heart still skips a beat and goosebumps reappear.  

I never knew how sensitive the skin around my ankle was until that moment.

Although there was an immediate physical attraction, as we got to know each other better, we found we had spiritual chemistry and common life goals.  Plus, he loved to make jokes and I loved to laugh at them.

Even during the times of struggle in our marriage, remembering those sweet times of our budding romance gives me reason to persevere.

Whether you met your spouse virtually or in reality, it’s good to remember the butterflies of your new beginning.

"While he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she was a shepherdess.  When Jacob saw Rachel, the daughter of Laban his mother's brother and the sheep of Laban his mother's brother, Jacob went up and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother.  Then Jacob kissed Rachel and lifted his voice and wept," Genesis 19:9-11.   

Have you ever found inspiration through remembering your butterflies of new beginnings?

And will someone please explain for me the trend of grooming male chests of all their hair?

Sexual Pollution

The Devil has been working to destroy marriage relationships since Adam and Eve.

One of his most effective strategies of discord is sexual pollution.

There’s a sexual pollutant the Devil has convinced us to keep secret.  We are doing it quite well.  That is child molestation.

“National surveys of adults suggest that 9-32% of women and 5-10% of men report that they were victims of sexual abuse and/or assault during their childhood,” Universityof New Hampshire Childhood sexual abuse fact sheet.  

Innocence is ripped from the victim

no matter what the level of perpetration.

Even if it was just one encounter, do not shrug it off as insignificant.  Even a single childhood episode can taint your view of sexual expression as a married adult.  This can include withdrawing from being sexual with your husband. 

Here is where the Devil goes the ultimate distance in marring a marital union.  His most devastating and efficient work begins with an innocent victim.  He teaches her to hate her body and her God-given sexual nature through shame, guilt and self-loathing.  The brain of a child can’t comprehend that this act wasn’t her fault.

She may think;

“If I had done this different, it wouldn’t have happened.” 

“If my body looked different, it wouldn’t have happened.” 

“If I’d been less happy, it wouldn’t have happened.” 

It was NO FAULT of yours. As a child, you aren’t mature enough to know that it’s only the perpetrator’s fault.  It was only the sin of the perpetrator and nothing on your part that caused this.

It makes sense, doesn’t it, that a woman with this experience in her past may have low sexual desire within marriage?

The devil knows he is most likely sabotaging this innocent child’s future marital intimate relationship.  Thus, affecting 2 people instead of 1. 

No woman should feel shame, guilt and self-loathing regarding her sexuality due the vile act of another!  Heinous!!  I am livid and in tears for those hurt through the sexual pollution of child molestation.

Here’s the HOPE.

“I will not insult refugees from childhood hells by offering easy answers to the imponderable questions that such experiences raise.  I don’t know why our loving Father God permits children to undergo such unspeakable suffering.  But, I cling to my belief that somehow in ways light years beyond my capacity to understand God will fulfill His promises to comfort the mourning and bring joy out of the pain.  If the pain of our pain is that God allowed it, then the joy of our joy must be learning that God can heal and redeem our pain and lead us into lives of genuine joy,” Sandra Wilson (from the book, Hurt People – Hurt People).

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion.

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,the oil of joy

instead of mourning

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of his splendor,” 

Isaiah 61:2-3.

Ranae Garrunae, an abuse survivor and founder of www.nomorevictim.com, believes all can recover.  But, there will be effort on your part.

“You are honoring God by cleansing your temple to restore it to its divine purpose,” Dr. Doug Weiss (in regards to sexual abuse recovery).

Your divine purpose is to be Christ’s ambassador.  But, when we are wounded, we may not be functioning at full potential.

You were betrayed when you trusted an adult as a child.  Let Christ help you heal from this.  He knows what it was like to be betrayed.  His life was betrayed by Judas Iscariot.  His disciples abandoned him when he was arrested in Gethsemane.  Matthew 25:56, “…then all the disciples deserted him and fled.”

Where to go from here?  I am NOT a licensed counselor.  But, from my own experience with childhood sexual pollution, I have three thoughts.

Don’t Keep It A Secret Any Longer

Childhood abuse victims are trained to be quiet.  They are intimidated by the powerful adult perpetrator to not tell anyone.  For women, it is very good to talk about their experience.

When you talk about it you are showing you have power over the perpetrator that swore you to secrecy.  You can begin to heal. 

Be discerning with whom you share.  Christian licensed professionals are a good place to start.

Your Husband Still Needs You

You may go into marriage with the past abuse fully disclosed to your spouse.  But, you may not realize that it can have a negative impact until years later.  Sometimes the response doesn’t appear until after children arrive and memories of your own childhood transport you back to a vulnerable time.  The memories bring feelings back to the surface.

Don’t shut your husband out.  He can help love you through this. Talk openly with him.  What if he has a similar experience?  You can call the Great Physician together for healing.  You can together make sure that Christ is the center of your home.  You husband can be your shoulder and your biggest fan.  My personal opinion is that you stay connected through physical intimacy, too.

Forgiveness

Once healing has begun, you have to find a way to forgive your perpetrator and yourself.  Why yourself?  Even though the feelings of shame, guilt and self-loathing aren’t from YOUR action, that doesn’t make the feelings any less real. 

The beauty is you don’t have to learn to forgive alone!  You have the Holy Spirit and his incomparable power to help you clear and cleanse your heart of the residue of pollution.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean everything is hunky dory and you act like nothing ever happened.  It means the perpetrator holds no power over you any more.

Let God bear the burden of vindication.  He makes it clear how he will treat those who mistreat children.  We see how precious children are to Jesus when he calls a little child to him in Matthew.

“If anyone causes one of these little ones, those who believe in me, to stumble, it would be better for them to have a millstone hung around their neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea,” Matt. 18:6.

Pray for Cleansing and Healing

Pray for clarity of mind to see into the truth of your value to and in Christ.

Pray for the adult wisdom to know you were a helpless child. 

Pray for the Holy Spirit to give you the power to cope and overcome. 

Pray for your marriage to be protected so that you can focus on healing.

Pray to be directed to the appropriate help, especially to the right counselor. 

Pray that the Holy Spirit help your heart become forgiving. 

Pray you can fully embrace that past abuse doesn’t define you or your marital sexual success.

When the pain rears its ugly head, keep praying!!!

Awareness

I write about this not only for awareness within the marital union.  I write about this so that those who have not been affected can be sensitive.

Statistics say 1 in 4 of us are abused sexually as children.  (1 in 6 males are abused.)  I think the statistics may be skewed because it is such a secret sin.  Far more people are probably affected than reported.

The anger within an adult survivor of sexual abuse can manifest in various ways.

Just because you don’t understand or even agree with the way a person acts or responds, don’t think you know the full story. Only GOD knows the motives and facts.  Knee jerk reactions by us hurt more than help.  We need to be gentle with each other, soul sisters.  We know not who carries the scar of this childhood trauma.

Additional Thoughts

Two insightful articles at Familylife.com

Dealing With Past Sexual Abuse

When Your Spouse is a Survivor of Sexual Abuse 

American Psychological Association Information 

American Psychological Association: Sexual Abuse

Heartlight.org

High Cost Forgiveness?

Overcomingsexualabuse.com 

Overcoming Sexual Abuse: What about Forgiveness? (One survivor’s story)

Linking with Jolene at The Alabaster Jar: Marital Oneness Monday

Linking with Sheila Gregoire at tolovehonorandvacuum.

Hurting Marriage?

Feeling like you are the only half of your marriage who is trying to restore compatibility?  You've described the issues to him from every angle and he still doesn't get it?  Does it feel like your spouse doesn't even want to understand you?

Whether your marriage is in a deep abyss or just kind of a puddle, there is hope for all levels of healing.

Members of Christian Marriage Bloggers Association come from different walks of life and all manner of marital issues.  We are quite the menagerie, with different types of personalities and focus. This community is very real and transparent, full of hope!!  I have felt so blessed to be among them because there is no pretention.

I am passionate about healthy marriages.  Healthy marriages mean emotionally healthy children, healthy future spouses.  Healthier future marriages will mean less divorce and less pain.  Healthy relationships is in line with God's ultimate design.  When we are healthy, we can let go of the flesh and look more toward the spirit.  Restoring the relationship with Him that God put into design in the beginning.

Restoring my marriage to health involved emotional and sexual intimacy.  The thing that kept us holding fast and not running to divorce was our spiritual connection.  Christ is the center of our personal lives, marriage and home.  

My blog's focus is restoring waning female libido because it is so personally relevant and it changed our marriage in such a radical way.  Mr. Muscle did a vast amount of work to reconnect emotionally to me.  But, I feel strongly that women minister to women and men minister to men.  

Sexual intimacy is just one part of a marriage.  There are all manner of marriages, all levels of health and physical ability.   Restoring libido may not be of value to you.  But, I can guarantee you that there is a topic at CMBA will.  So, this weekend, explore this marriage blogging community by clicking on the badge above for insight from other scribes in all the areas of marriage.

Please be encouraged by Sanctus Real's song, 'Don't Give Up.'

Motherhood and Libido

The scent of Johnson’s Baby Shampoo will transport me back to my children’s baby days quicker than the theory of relativity.  Remembering the joy and chaos of our family’s sprouting season fills my heart with a myriad of emotions.  I was ecstatic, proud, grateful, uncertain, scared and exhausted.  I relished the job of rearing our precious bundles of potential into adulthood.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens,” Ecclesiastes 3:1.

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, the greatest challenge for me in this season was mentally meshing motherhood with wifehood.  I had a hard time switching gears between mama and sex kitten.  This wasn’t just an issue for the first six weeks of healing, or the first year.  For me, this problem lasted a bit longer.

My unseasonably long dry spell, put a strain on our marriage.

Dr. Linda Papadopolous says, “The two aspects of womanhood, mother and sexual partner, are not mutually exclusive but we are made to feel they are.  In reality, every woman has it in her to be both sexy and maternal.  We should be able to be both.” (www.dailymail.co.uk)

Societal conditioning may be part of it, as Dr. Papdopolous suggests.  The readjusting physical changes of pregnancy, breastfeeding and fatigue, also, have great influence on our sensual mindset.  

49% of new mothers studied at the University ofAberdeen still had intercourse problems after the first 12 months.   It's not an uncommon issue. 

Here are some thoughts I’ve had in the subsequent years:

Juggling the Duality

Breasts are both sensual for your husband and nourishing for your children.  I didn’t feel very sexy when I was leaking during intimacy.

With three toddlers, sometimes I was over stimulated by the mere act of touching.  Sweet little hugs around my legs, the unexpected slam of a head into my chin from underneath, holding a hot little body next to me for hours, the pats and pokes were all cause for me to withdraw.  Who knew I had such a developed need for personal space?

A Meaningful Glance

Instead of brushing touch off altogether, if I had taken the time to make the glance, meaningful soft gazes would have been soul nourishing.  His eyes would have touched my heart.  Remember dating and you would catch his eye across the room?  I still craved connection, just in a different way.  If I'd connected at the soul level better, maybe I would have accepted his touch better.

We Time

My husband was great in providing plenty of ‘me-time.’  He had no qualms in wrangling the three little he-urchins solo so that I could enjoy time out with girlfriends or crafting. 

In looking back, what would have remedied much of these issues wasn’t ‘me-time,’ but ‘we-time.’ 

Time talking alone together, consistently, would have been the perfect gift.  Not talking over the dinner table dodging spaghetti sauced hands and sloppy kisses. It’s hard to have intimacy on deeper levels when there isn’t much communicating aside from the fact checks.  

The sensual side of you needs to be nurtured through interaction with your husband that does not involve little people.  It doesn’t have to be an expensive date night either.  Pop a movie in for the kids and get 15 minutes of talk time in the other room.  Carve out 15 minutes during the day to chat on the phone.

Incorporate your other half. 

Growing up in a home with very traditional roles for man and woman, I assumed the children were ‘my sphere’ and to that extent I unknowingly excluded my husband.  I think today’s generation of young men are going to be great fathers.  (Not that the last generation wasn’t great!)  They understand fathering is more than a paycheck and military discipline, but nurturing through their unique male style and helping their honey.  His willingness will help your fatigue and will help cement family team spirit as you work toward the common goal of washing, drying, and imparting Bible knowledge!

Lavish praise and prayer on one another. 

You are both entering uncharted territory as new parents.  Even if this isn’t the first child, every child brings with it a different personality and needs.  With each additional child, the family takes on new dynamics.  Sleep deprivation makes us cranky, keep this in mind and thwart the crankiness with niceness!  Spiritually feed each other with words of praise and encouragement through the new experiences and joint words of prayer to the Father.

“The good man brings good things out of the good stored in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For out of the overflow of the heart his mouth speaks,” Luke 6:45.

Ambience and Hope

Your sensual nature is so much more than biological processes and physical stimulation, even though the physical is significant.  For me it had a lot to do with the ambience of our relationship.

Not every new mom will deal with this kind of sexual disenchantment.  But, if you do, the upside to new-mama-low-libido is that it’s usually temporary.  Have HOPE, your sexy will return.  AND with it, you will have new confidence.  Your new role has given you many experiences that you have conquered; birth, possibly breastfeeding, maintaining your relationship with the Lord, continuing to function in spite of sleep deprivation, creating an inviting home, caring and nurturing your new mission field (your child!), all the new people you meet because of the children (doctors, teachers, coaches, other parents), making your husband proud.

Embracing the WHOLE

In the end, I realized learning to switch gears really wasn’t the answer.  It was when my identity embraced both aspects of motherhood and sensual being, that I hit my stride. 

Give yourself time to accept the new layers of your identity, but don’t let go of who you are.

Additional Thoughts

If you wish to explore common hormone imbalances that could affect libido check out “Common Female Hormone Conditions.”  

Be aware that postpartum depression is very real and doesn’t mean you are faulty!!!  If life seems out of control and you are in a panicked state, check out this postpartum guide from the MayoClinic.  

Check out Marriage Missions International: Coping with Change after the First Baby is Born.

Linking with Jolene at The Alabaster Jar:  Marital Oneness Monday
Linking with Sheila Gregoire tolovehonorandvacuum: Wifey Wednesday.

Diamonds

I’ve never met a diamond I didn’t like.  From colorless, blue, red, canary, and now ‘chocolate,’ diamonds come in all colors.  Some are more transparent than others.

Are any of them too big? 

Ideally, diamonds are chemically pure, only made of carbon.  They are formed through intense pressure and heat.

Most diamonds are flawed.  Does that diminish their beauty?

Think about your body.  1 carat, 2 carat, square-cut or pear-shaped, figures come in all sizes and shapes.  AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Our hearts are pure because of Jesus.  We endure the pressure of life and now our facets reflect His light.

Feeling more like a collection of dead weight than a diamond?  Know that you are not the total sum of your past, with painful and limiting memories.

“At one time, we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures.  We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.  But when the kindess and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3:3-7.

If Jesus Christ is your Savior, you have this promise of a regenerating and renewing Holy Spirit.  He will help you reshape your negative body image.  He will help you remold burdensome memories into a past that doesn’t define who you are in the present.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17.

The renewal of your spirit can start by seeing everyone you encounter as lovely, inside and out.  Even the most grouchy Christmas clerk at Toys-R-Us is a gem.  Breathing a gentle, kind word into someone’s life, especially someone who radiates the opposite, is healing and comforting, not only to THEM but to YOU.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven,” Matthew 5:13.

After awhile, you are no longer willing your beautiful attitude to exist, it’s a part of you.  You can start to see yourself as a diamond...uniquely compressed through the trials of life, with a flaw or two, but beautiful on the inside and out.  God wants us to see ourselves, not with haughtiness or vanity, but with humility and awe at His wonderful creation (Psalm 139:13-14).  Through the days to come you may be overcome with gratefulness as you witness your regeneration.

As we accept our diamond ‘status’, we can grow in confidence.  Confidence comes from knowing, “ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” and putting it into action!

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline,” 2 Timothy 1:7.

My Prayer for You, Beautiful Readers 

"Dear Heavenly Father, I pray this lovely person reading is filled with your love and growing in  confidence.  May they see themselves as YOU see them.  A beautiful diamond, no matter their shape, their size or their background.  We all have the ability to be regenerated and renewed through your Holy Spirit.  I’m so grateful it’s not a one time action, but a daily one!  May we be released from the past pain and realize the great potential we have as your children. THANK YOU for Jesus and his ultimate sacrifice so that we can know boundless, eternal love and come near to YOU dear God, with confidence.  In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.”

Practical Tools

Ask God to point these things out as you encounter them daily (Phil. 4:8)…

Truth

Nobility

Purity

Loveliness

Admirable traits

Praiseworthiness

If negative body image is nagging you, disengage from the media as much as you can.  This can help break the cultural ideals of unrealistic body types.

What kind of diamond are you?

Birth Control and Libido

Fall 2011, Several of the Christian Marriage Blogger Association scribes passed the hot potato regarding Birth Control Options and how some may affect sexual desire.  

Since their information is top notch and the wheel does not need to be reinvented, I'm going to point you their way.  

But first, just a tiny bit about my personal experience.  

                                                                                                  

Our oldest son was conceived because when packing for a holiday visit we forgot prophylactics.  One must remember in the words of my first doctor (who was a female), "Men's penises are like basketball players, they dribble before they shoot."  So, I will whole-heartedly agree with Julie Sibert's Birth Control post, the 'pull-out' method may bless you.  We brought home a little pumpkin 9 months after that Thanksgiving.

We continued with OTC (over the counter) methods until the birth of our twins.  For the record, the twins were planned (at least one of them was) and not a product of birth control failure.  I had avoided hormonal birth control pills because both of my sisters had problems with them.  But, with three children within three years, I didn't think I could handle more children.  We sought out the most effective form of birth control available, hormonal birth control pills.

I didn't have any catastrophic side effects, but I was a moody monster with NO libido.  Plus, after two years of consistent use, I developed migraines.  I coped for an additional year with migraines before deciding I was willing to accept the blessing of more children if conception took place while using OTC.

OTC methods were quite effective, mostly condoms, until the final freedom of the vasectomy.  

Now, please see the following posts for more personal and indepth information regarding birth control options.

The Marriage Bed (great science here!):

Birth Control

The Pill Ruins Sex?

Sheila Gregoire at tolovehonorandvacuum

Which Birth Control Method is Best?

Christian Birth Control Round-Up

J at HotHolyandHumorous

Want to Rave about Your Birth Control?