Everybody Say AMEN!

I pray this musical excerpt from the Atlanta Symphony blesses your soul with sweet praise to the Lord!  May the spirit move you to seat dance.  Even better, get up and sing along!

The Way to a Man's Heart.....Low Country Christmas Gift

I hold these truths to be self-evident.  Lovemaking and food are two sure ways to a man's heart.  Part of the way to please Mr. Muscle is through his stomach, just like part of the way to my heart is through vacuuming and dishwasher-unloading.

So, I would like to bestow you with a recipe.   If you have male offspring, this gift will clinch your title as "Momma Who Can Cook."

My gift to you is a traditional low-country crab dip, with a few Pearl alterations for cost and effectiveness.  This is just like the hot crab dip appetizer served in our coastal restaurants.  It's a WONDERFUL Christmas/New Year's offering.  It could also be used as a heavy appetizer with a bottle of wine for a date night.  ENJOY!  (If you do make it, let me know what you think!)

LOW COUNTRY HOT CRAB DIP


6-8 oz. Crab Claw Meat (packaged, in seafood section)
1 Pkg Imitation Crab Meat
Small Onion, finely diced
4 Tbsp. Butter (NO substitution)
16 oz. Cream Cheese (2 bricks, softened)
4 oz. Sour Cream
2 Tbsp. Mayonnaise
8 oz. Shredded Jack & Cheddar Cheese
4 Tbsp. Cream Sherry
1 tsp. Dill Weed
2 tsp. Garlic Powder
2 tsp. Basil
2 tsp. Lemon Juice
1 tsp. White Pepper
1 C. Bread Crumbs

Saute Onion and Crab Meats in butter.  When finished sauteing, chop the crab meat on a cutting board with a butcher knife.  Set aside.

Combine all the other ingredients, then add the crab meats last.
Spread into a broil-safe shallow casserole dish.

Broil in oven until top is brown and top with paprika.

Serve with toasted bread points or crackers.

Parents of Difficult Children, You Aren't Alone

When heinous events happen, experts start spouting where the solutions lay in solving our society's deficiencies.  I feel convicted to do something, but am often at a loss to know what.  With Sandy Hook, I immediately knew what action.

I weep that one choice was made that defiled an entire community of their innocence.   Those children who lived to remember the gunshots in Sandy Hook will never be the same innocent children.

As much as I want to hate the killer of those 20 precious children for ripping their souls from the arms of their parents, I cannot.

My definition of a difficult child is one who’s behavior is extreme and volatile.  They can cope some days and some days their anxieties overwhelm them.  They can rage over small frustrations.  They may be labeled with different mental disorders, but a lot of the behaviors are the same.  They can be born into the best of circumstances and still suffer.  No parents are perfect, but parents are not the cause of their child’s temperament.

Have YOU raised a difficult child?  Or are you still in the midst of the battle?  Either way, you are an Extra-Mile Parent.

We like to remain invisible, blend with the rest of the parents.  You can’t confide in just anyone that little Suzy had a screaming rage that she couldn’t find her favorite piece of string.

Extra-Mile Parents NEED SUPPORT from other Extra-Mile Parents.  We are the only ones who truly understand.  Don’t remain invisible any longer!  The best thing you can do is UNCLOAK.

 

I have very little power when it comes to mental health reform.  BUT, I can spot a child with ‘that certain temperament’ a mile away.  Once you’ve been in the trenches you recognize the war weary.  I bet you can spot them, too.

There are a lot of people out there who are desperate for the help of a seasoned vet.  Your kids may not share the exact same set of problems.  But, advocates and mentors don’t have to have identical problems to understand the gist of the pain and the hope for the goals.

Showing these hurting families the balm of love gives them hope.  Hope that there will be resolution to the anger and angst their child experiences.  Hope that the parents can feel something beside disappointment in themselves.  When parents try every angle to help a child feel better emotionally and nothing works, it's a type of failure not many can understand.

"Loving your neighbor as yourself," sounds easy.  But, when it comes to revealing our tender underbelly, we run the risk of rejection.  It's a risk we MUST take.

Go up to them, open your mouth and join them in their walk of trying to raise a non-violent child.  It takes a little guts and the love of Christ.  Is there a more valiant use of your experience if not to help others?

This is our call to action, Extra-Mile Parents!  By walking side-by-side with families who have children outside of the norm, we may just help prevent heartache like Sandy Hook down the road.

God Among Us

Mary, Did you know? by Ceelo Green

I pray it blesses your day.  

Mistletoe

Who has ever wondered, “That bunch of dried up herbs hanging on the doorjamb is supposed to invite kissing??” 

The authentic mistletoe I viewed in Indiana was parched and old, nothing like what was venerated by the Druids.

Fresh mistletoe is a glossy green freeloader in the treetop.  It retains its color for quite awhile after being cut.  It is a parasite, unlike Spanish Moss (an epiphyte) which resides on tree limbs and takes nourishment of its own accord.  Mistletoe digs its tentacles into the bark of its host.

Mistletoe has white berries which lead to interesting symbolism (keep reading….).

Mistletoe is different from holly, although both have berries.  Holly berries are red.  Holly leaves are pointed and are murder on your forearms when trying to trim the bush’s branches.  The Holly bush roots into the ground.

What else is there to love about mistletoe?  

It propagates through birds, literally.  The word mistletoe derives from the 2^nd century Anglo Saxon word “mistle-tan.”  Mistle = dung  &  tan = twig.   

The Druids of medieval Eastern Europe and Anglia (modern day England) held a spiritual attitude toward mistletoe.  It was believed to ward off evil spirits and held symbolic fertility enhancement.

Stefan Allen, of the Mistletoe Foundation revealed, “Traditionally mistletoe was considered (by Druids) to be the semen of the gods and of the forest, because the berries contain a liquid that looks like and has the texture of semen.  This is the real reason we kiss under it at Christmas, this and because mistletoe blooms in the dark womb of wintertime.”

This racy berry is also thought to have life-giving qualities.  Druid’s reportedly believed the white liquid was the antidote to all poisons.  This couldn’t be farther from the truth!  All parts of the mistletoe plant can be poisonous.  DO NOT INGEST.

The kissing tradition is also linked to Norse mythology. See Bill Petro’s History of Mistletoe.  The tradition was romanticized during the Victorian era.  It is this romanticized tradition that we cling to today.

If anything has a marital life-giving quality, it is the kiss itself.

Our lips are packed with sensitive nerve endings.  The slightest brush can start a fire.  Kissing inspires automatic responses in our body that are remarkably similar to orgasm.  We get a rush of wonderful bonding and pleasure chemicals. 

I recently read the marital secret of a husband who had been married for 75 years.  He kissed his wife twice a day, every day.

Whether your home hosts mistletoe or not, the most important kiss in any marriage is the Kiss of Forgiveness.

This time of year, I especially need mercy.  It’s full of events that embody humility and love regarding our precious gift of the savior.  It’s full of magical outings to inspire wonderment in our little children.  It’s full of fun social gatherings.  But, put them all together in a short span of time and I have stress and frustration that sometimes spills over onto Mr. Muscle.

Jesus told the parable of the prodigal son....Luke 15:20 (NIV), “And he arose and came to his father.  But, while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.  And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ ”

Do I deserve such a merciful heavenly father that upon my return to his loving arms, he is more concerned with my arrival than my actions that caused the separation?  May we embody this grace and mercy toward our all-too-human spouses.

Are apologies necessary for the Kiss of Forgiveness?  No.  But, a sweet kiss and gentle words can open up a dialogue where things can be addressed.  Maybe an apology will ensue, but that shouldn’t be your goal.

My Prayer for You
"Dear Heavenly Father, may our marriages live in a sea of forgiveness.  May we remember the good in our spouses when we are frustrated with them.  May we continue to keep Christ as our example of humility and service.  May we remember that as we seek to be more and more like you we are promoting grace and mercy within our home.  Only then can true love flourish.  I pray for the precious reader who may have unbelieving spouses.  Grant that marriage an extra measure of the Holy Spirit so the believing spouse can gently mentor their mate into a relationship with you, Dear Lord.  In Jesus' precious name I pray, Amen."




For more thoughts on kissing see:
J @ www.hotholyandhumorous.com:   A Little Instruction for the Kiss  (this will lead you to the entire series of 3).

Linking up with Jolene @thealabasterjar:  Marital Oneness Monday
Linking up with Sheila @tolovehonorandvacuum:  Wifey Wednesday


If you blog on Christian Marriage and have a post regarding kissing, please leave your link in the comments!  (Someday, I may get around the those 'link-up' parties.  I think they are great.  But, not before Christmas.....I think there will be a learning curve.)

Sex Scheduling Can Lead to Romance

Forethought in carving out time for lovemaking is not a new concept.  We all nod our heads to the logical argument; appointments are made for an oil change, teeth cleaning, and colonoscopy.  But, we set aside no time for marital sexual intimacy.  Can we thereby infer that our marriage doesn’t have the same priority as our car or colon because of this neglect?  Why not slate your own nuptial lube and rotation on the docket?

The biggest argument against sex scheduling is that it takes all the romance out of the dance.  Even Scarlett had a dance card.  She had her suitors on the dance planner with their own appointed song.  Of course, we marrieds only have one suitor, but they need to be on the docket frequently.

Romance doesn’t always lead to sex.  But, I’m willing to wager there is a good chance that sex scheduling can lead to romance, especially if the spouses’ have unequal libidos.

You ask, “Isn’t that a little backwards?  Puttin’ the fire before the spark?  Entering without a key?”

For the lower drive spouse, sometimes it’s hard to wrap your mind around the physical urgency our partners feel for the intimate and loving touch, the sexual release.  That’s why it seems counter intuitive to schedule something we don’t urgently crave on a physical level. 

But, have you craved connecting with your spouse on the spiritual level?

There are huge spiritual and emotional benefits of sexual intimacy, not just physical.*

When the higher drive spouse’s anxiety level for sexual intimacy has decreased, he/she will have more head room (a.k.a. room in the brain) to think about ways of pursuing you that are more subtle.

When you are hungry and you try to cook a meal, what’s your focus?  Isn’t it slaking that gnawing as fast as possible?  You pick the fastest thing you can fix and forget presentation. 

If you aren’t quite as hungry when you enter the kitchen, isn’t it easier to enjoy the process?  There is time to marinate a crimson steak in bourbon and brown sugar.  You may steam the veggies in a double boiler instead of the microwave and also whip up a beautiful golden cheese sauce to garnish.

If sex isn’t consistent, the higher drive spouse is walking around in a constantly hungry state.  It’s hard to enjoy the gourmet meal when you are ravenous.  The gourmet meal is romance.  It’s the time and emotional vulnerability.

Sex scheduling helps relieve anxiety for the higher drive spouse of when their next meal will be.  It relieves the lower drive spouse by allowing them to know when it’s time to cook.  It is not manipulation or to be used to selfish ends.  Sex scheduling is for the benefit of you BOTH.

Anticipating an upcoming rendezvous for the low libido spouse, helps them get ‘pumped’ mentally for the lovemaking celebration.  Anticipation actually releases some feel good chemicals.  See this Generous Husband post on Anticipation.  Plus, some personality types don't enjoy surprises.

Romance is from within

Kissing Parrots at Dreamstime

Is romance a candlelit dinner with champagne and escargot?  Or is romance the burst of combustion in your heart when your spouse winks at you from across a crowded business gathering?  Romance can be as simple as holding hands in the car.

Could romance be tag teaming as you clean up the kid who was sick at both ends?

Could romance be an overwhelming gratitude that wells up as you watch your spouse unselfishly serve through the mundane work of housekeeping or home maintenance?

Witnessing true romance is watching your 82 year old father, who is in excruciating back pain, insist that only he can guide your mother down the hall to bed.  Because sometimes she forgets the mechanics of walking, he has to coach her along.  She can’t speak anymore from the dementia.  But, she sighs contentment as he puts lotion on her feet and legs and then tucks her into bed saying, “You will always be my sweetheart."  

Romance of longevity is doing life together and cherishing the moments where you meld into one spirit.  Romantic gestures show we are treasured by our spouse.  But, romance evolves into so much more from enduring the difficulties of life in an ambiance of warmth and cohesiveness.

I am not saying that scheduling lovemaking is ‘enduring a difficulty of life,’ far from it.  I am saying romance is an atmosphere which includes flirtation and the weightier issues of life.  Both become just as sweet because of who you are 'doing life with.'

When we take the needs of the higher drive spouse seriously, we step up to the plate and part of that is calling ahead for reservations at your local boudoir.

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased,”  Hebrews 13:16.

Practical Tools:

1)   Decide if this is a season in your marriage that requires lovemaking appointments.

2)   Decide if the lower drive spouse would benefit from sex scheduling, even if life is not too busy.

3)   Discuss your schedule and actually INK (not pencil) your rendezvous in.  Part of the success of sex scheduling, especially for spouses with unequal libidos, has to do with the follow through, absolute commitment.  It WILL happen, unless someone is sick or an unforeseen, genuine emergency.  Mr. Muscle and I are at a stage where we moderately ink it in on a couple of options.  If not this day then that….but it will happen.

4)  If sexual intimacy is a rather large bone of contention, there may be other issues within your marriage relationship to iron out.

*See WebMD’s “10 Surprising Benefits of Sex.”

*See Julie Sibert’s post at intimacyinmarriage.com, “Worship the Lord, Make Love toyour Spouse.”