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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

52 Week Challenge: Sex Drive Transformation for the Low Libido Wife


Our hearts play a huge role in our libido.  Our minds play a huge role.  Put our hearts and minds together and you get an overall attitude.

In 1985, Michael Scheier of Carnegie-Mellon University and Charles Carver, University of Miami, conducted a study that proved optimism could affect health.  This was ground breaking for the positive psychology movement.  (See the study here.) 

Dec. 2012, a study conducted by Pia Aravena and associates in France shows that positive sentence structure can literally enhance physical performance.  More specifically, it was action words in affirming sentences.  Volunteers, while gripping a sensor, heard a variety of verbs (i.e. throw or scratch) in different sentence structures.  The researchers observed increased strength on the grip sensor when words were presented in affirmative sentences.  No change in strength was observed when the word was used in a negative context (i.e. don’t throw) 

The theory behind positive affirmations is that through repeating and thinking positive phrases a manifest change in your physical life will happen.  Does the phrase positive affirmation conjure the Saturday Night Live Skit, ‘Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley?’  Well, this study says, “Ridicule positive affirmations no more!” 

Although Aravena’s French study did not specifically use positive affirmations, but only verbs in a positive context, couldn’t there be a correlation?

As the sports world grabs this tidbit to enhance their multi-million dollar teams, why can’t we low-libido ladies grab a hold of it to increase our performance?

Let’s envelope this science with scripture and see what happens!

Would you be willing to try an experiment with me?  Truly, I'll be doing this right along with you.

52 Weeks of Libido Transformation

Until the end of 2013, on Thursday, I will post a scripture with an accompanying positive thought regarding libido.  It will be something that you could print out (copy and paste, for now) using a half sheet of paper or less.  Post it where you will see it all week but is still discreet; your car’s visor, inside your makeup bag, use it as your bookmark for the week or make it pop up in your iphone’s reminders.

This challenge is about follow-through.  If you read my post of New Year’s week (see it here) I believe creating a positive libido is a function of much ACTION on your part, not just wishful thinking.

I realize that all marriages are at different places.  All relationships between husband and wife have different dynamics.  If you have concerns about certain aspects of your marriage, pray about them along with increasing your libido.  You really can work on both issues at the same time.  Don’t wait to improve your marital sexual intimacy.

Most importantly, pray over yourself DAILY incorporating the specific thoughts from our challenge.

Husbands are invited to pray over their wives and marriages with these scriptures and thoughts, as well.


WEEK 1
“Be very careful about what you think.  Your thoughts run your life,”
Proverbs 4:23, (International Children’s Bible).
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life,”
Proverbs 4:23 (King James Version).
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it,”
Proverbs 4:23 (New International Verson).

I will hold thoughts about sexual intimacy with my husband as good, pleasurable, sweet and something I want to participate in.  I will hold thoughts about sexual intimacy with my husband as God-ordained and fully cementing our bond as husband and wife.

16 comments :

  1. Interesting ideas and research, Pearl. I'll have to try this! Thanks for your wisdom and challenges.

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    1. Thanks for your willingness to give it a try! Let me know if you feel there is or is not positive momentum.

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  2. This works! I kind of "stumbled" across several things at the same time frame a few years ago. I was having a myriad of health issues that I couldn't figure out (still haven't figured out). All I knew was I just didn't "feel" like having sex with my husband...I had absolutely no physical signals that anything felt good, no tingles, no warming sensations, etc. So, in searching for answers (along with hundreds of $'s worth of blood work that all came back "normal") I saw a story about The Marriage Bed website. I read and read and read on the pages & forums. I also came across Francine Rivers novel "Redeeming Love" and read it. I began to THINK differently about intimacy and the effects on every aspect of our lives and the benefits to the body/mind/soul. Long story short, I still don't FEEL like I used to or want to, but my "want to" is very strong now. We probably average 3/4 times a week, where as before it was probably once a week and I didn't really put much priority into it. I have joked that if I ever do get my body fixed, we will need to go away for a month :) I keep trying to tell so many of my friends that in my opinion, sex is 90% in the mind and heart. Hopefully, you will have many who will give this a try with you.

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    1. Tammy, What a wonderful testimonial!! God gives us a mysterious tool, our brain! I hope your words inspire other ladies to give this a try....intimacy does affect every aspect of our lives, body/mind/soul!! "Want to" has many facets, doesn't it? I may have to re-read "Redeeming Love" now...THANK YOU for sharing your journey.

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    2. Tammy, you sound so much like me, except my physical change actually came with pain. Stabbing, tearing pain that made any attempts at special intimacy terrifying and uncomfortable. After months of doctors visits and tests, the final diagnosis was vulvadynia. It's what doctors refer to as a "junk" diagnosis because there is no test to confirm it. It is simply because nothing else is wrong. It essentially means that the nerve endings in my vulva and vagina are all screwed up. I'm on medication now for chronic pain and depression (another lovely challenge in my marriage) and the pain is gone, but no "good feelings" have replaced it. :( I try to tell my husband it's OK - I don't need to orgasm, but he is discouraged and less excited and fulfilled when he thinks that I am unexcited and unfulfilled. It is taking such a toll. I am going to read Redeeming Love, and I'm definitely doing this 52 week challenge, even though I'm very late.

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    3. Tammy, you sound so much like me, except my physical change actually came with pain. Stabbing, tearing pain that made any attempts at special intimacy terrifying and uncomfortable. After months of doctors visits and tests, the final diagnosis was vulvadynia. It's what doctors refer to as a "junk" diagnosis because there is no test to confirm it. It is simply because nothing else is wrong. It essentially means that the nerve endings in my vulva and vagina are all screwed up. I'm on medication now for chronic pain and depression (another lovely challenge in my marriage) and the pain is gone, but no "good feelings" have replaced it. :( I try to tell my husband it's OK - I don't need to orgasm, but he is discouraged and less excited and fulfilled when he thinks that I am unexcited and unfulfilled. It is taking such a toll. I am going to read Redeeming Love, and I'm definitely doing this 52 week challenge, even though I'm very late.

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  3. Pearl,

    I just happened on your website. What an awesome challenge! I am up for it! :) My husband and I have had 4 kids and will celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary this June. I just recently found out that my husband had somewhat of a "friendship" with another woman. It seems like it was maybe leading into something more. More texting etc between them. Since then he has promised they no longer text and I trust him. Our relationship had really suffered with making other things and people more important than each other. :( In confronting him with the situation I learned a lot about us...I know that sounds odd but we kind of found out what was missing for us. With that said we average about 6/7 times a week where before we really had relations about once a week! :) I really want to keep our marriage strong and alive. Please let me know how to sign up for this challenge. I just liked you on Facebook too. :)Where do you find the word you will post for us each week?

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    1. Hello new friend! First off, congrats on 25 years! That's an achievement. Sometimes, it takes extreme trials/troubles to help us realize what was missing. We were there, too. It sounds like you are making great strides toward becoming all that God wants you to be as a couple in marriage. Signing up for the challenge is as simple as signing up to 'follow me by email.' I'm also posting each challenge on pinterest under Pearl in on a board specifically called 52 week challenge. And, there is a section on the menu up top that says Unlock Your Libido: 2013 challenge. I will list all the challenges there after they are posted. The active verb will be in the positive sentence after the scripture. But, you've made me aware that I should bold/italics the verb. However, if you are asking where I'm actually finding the verbs, it's in the scripture for each week. I am letting the Lord lead me to which verb we use each week.

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  4. Thanks Pearl! :) I am now following your 52 week Challenge, signed up for your emails and liked you on facebook. I forgot to mention...most importantly, I gave our marriage to the Lord to help with the next steps for our 25 year marriage. :) I think He led me in your direction. Thanks for the kind words and looking forward to sharing your challenge with others.

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    1. You made the best decision, giving your marriage to the Lord. I'll pray with you that there is healing and reconnection and 25+ more years together. The best thing you both can do for those 4 kids is to love each other! If I am of any service, it is all because of HIM. Blessings to you!

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  5. Hello Pearl,
    I am glad I stumbled across your challenge. My husband and I could write a book on our marriage, there have been so many ups and downs. God has been faithful and we have learned a lot along the way. We lived together from 1988, were married in 1993 and are blessed with three boys. I am in! We do have sex, we make love, and it is good ("Bible"). We recently went to a wedding and something stirred in my heart - that I could love my husband more. What better way to start than with the Word and Prayer?
    Darina

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    1. Darina, welcome new friend! What beautiful imagery, 'something stirred in my heart'...to love him more. Please share your wisdom at any time. Ups and Downs typically teach us a lot. I am so glad you are joining us!

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  6. How do I join and can I get things daily through email?

    I definitely need help with increasing my LIBIDO

    THANK YOU
    KELLIE johnkelliep@gmail.com

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    1. Hi Kellie, just sign up to 'follow the OysterBed by email.' The sex drive challenges are sent out on Thursdays each week. Follow the OysterBed and the rest of the Christian Marriage Blogger Association members for daily tweets and encouragement in your marital relationship and bedroom arena. Email me at pearlmail3 at gmail dot com if you wish to carry on the conversation! Blessings, Kellie!!

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  7. I'm so far behind on these that I decided to come back to the beginning of your series and reread them. I'm taking one a day (unless the thoughts you share require a little longer to reflect on/put into practice) to hopefully catch up. I'm excited & hopeful this will strengthen my husband's and my already good sex life and make it even more amazing, and also help me through some of the challenges we've faced with sex. Thanks for your encouraging words & for staying grounded in Scripture!

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  8. This was a great post (and a super idea)! I moved through something similar to this years ago, but I used only a handful of verses with the main one being "becoming adaptable to my own husband." I can honestly say - Prayer works! And, believing for what you are praying.

    I'm encouraged by your site and ministry Pearl.

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Any thoughts? I'd love to hear them.