We gals thrive on a good tradition, especially when it venerates love, romance, chocolate, and a possible reprieve from the kitchen (i.e. dinner out). Scoffers may loudly decry Valentine’s Day as Hallmark’s brain child, one of the most commercialized days of the year. But, generally women love it. Although, I am not unaware there are those who are hurting and find Valentine’s Day a painful reminder.
However, for the low-libido wife….we see it coming. It’s like the Super Bowl of Sex. To quote Paul Byerly, “What’s a celebration without sex?” For our misters, sexual intimacy is an emotional need. (See: Understand His Need) I know, that goes against (almost) every fiber of our low-drive innate being. But, this year, let’s not over-think this.
Let’s just accept it and roll with it.
GOOD NEWS! You have time to prepare and warm-up the sexual muscle (brain).
7. LIGHTEN UP.
Start by finding ways to laugh! Mirthful attitudes and laughter help awaken the same brain chemical that orgasm produces. Prime the pump by kidding around with your husband, talk with a friend who always makes you laugh or read a humorous blog (hotholyandhumorous is always a winner!) Google “Funny Blogs” and see what comes up. Sexual intimacy is more fun if you’re not so serious.
Summon forth your favorite memories. Talk about them with your hubby in advance to V-Day. Pull out the picture albums. Refresh an inside-joke or silly phrase you may have used while dating.
Start using only positive words when thinking about yourself or your husband. Capture those negative thoughts and put them in a trunk. Of course, this is a good habit in general, but make a special effort pre-V-Day. (See Do_Not_Disturb's: Developing a Positive Word Culture)
Days in advance, start consistently wearing your favorite sensual fragrance. If you are like me, you have several fragrances, one is for daytime/casual (Moonlit Path), one is for high-end activities (Chanel No. 5), one is for ‘I-want-to-feel-sexy-and-wear-stilettos’ (you fill in the blank). OR, if perfume isn’t your thing, start days in advance burning your favorite sensual candle. (See: Smellin’ Sexy)
3. TRUCE. If there has been a consistent point of contention in your marriage, call a truce. BOTH of you have to agree to this and stick to it. Refrain from speaking or referring to your hot buttons for a pre-determined amount of time. It’s not to deny the issue. It’s just a reprieve to remember why this man is your perfect counterpart. (Fun Fact: In the Civil War, there were spontaneous ‘brother's truces.’ The two sides would cease fire and share coffee/tobacco and have ‘dueling concerts’ by the musically talented in their ranks.)
See: MarriageMission's: Calling a Truce.
He loves you and your body whatever shape it’s in. He does know that your person-hood is far more valuable than your body. But, he just really likes to know that you know he likes your body. He gets a little brain chemical reward when he sees your gorgeous au-naturale beauty. (See: Christian And Sexy)
Generally, he doesn’t care how extravagant your lovemaking is. Lovemaking with his lady is ecstasy for him. There doesn’t need to be any tricky moves or outfits. Beautiful readers, just be in the moment and have fun connecting with the man who loves you, dearly. (However, if you feel up to a little variety, he probably won’t be opposed. But, don’t let this be a point of pressure.)
The above list doesn’t have to be Valentine’s Day specific. Who knows? Maybe practicing these ‘warm-ups’ for a short period of time will grow into a habit of thinking relaxing, steamy thoughts about your husband.
On a different vein, remember those who may be fresh widows, widowers, or singles who are not quite so content in their singleness. Send these sweet souls a ‘thinking of you’ card (not a valentine’s card) or give them a call. Let them know they have someone in their corner. You’ll bless them, I know it!