Newlyweds, 26 of my friends share from life experience what keeps the romance alive. I asked my eclectic (divorced, married, single, old, young) set of friends on facebook,
“What one bit of advice would you give to Newlyweds to keep things spicy in the years to come?”
Here are their unedited answers. I’ve made comments in italics under some of them.
Live every day like newlyweds, even after 10 or 20 years. Ok, I get the gist behind this statement. I value the friend who suggested it. The next question would be HOW do you continue to live like newlyweds? Practical suggestions found from other friends below.
Surprise one another. Take time for one another, plan dates and stick to them. Make each other a priority, even over the kids, at least once a week.
Keep it passionate beyond the bedroom.
Don’t cheat on each other. Once it’s done there’s no going back and it’s never the same. Live up to the values you said to each other everyday (ps she’s always right even when she’s wrong lol)
Make time for each other. Also, put little surprise notes everywhere. The little things are the things that are remembered the most.
Be best friends. I’ve always had a hard time with this one. Because, relating with your spouse is different than relating with a same sex friend. Husbands won’t necessarily be a ‘girlfriend’ to shop with and paint toes. But, he does need to be the one you discuss deep things with, get advice from, accept/give help and have fun with more than anyone else.
If and when you argue, don’t talk badly about each other to family and friends.
Get rid of expectations. They can ruin the joy of, ‘what is.’ So true. Neither of you are the perfect romantic ideal of what you thought as newlyweds. But, in order to keep the newlywed feeling going, you have to accept them with their imperfections. His dirty laundry sits on the floor a day or two, so? At least he takes the laundry to the laundry room and even puts in a load or two.
Some personal habits need to be kept private, using the bathroom, shaving legs, etc. This depends on the couple, but do be sensitive to this. Familiarity can smother romance, but familiarity can breed romance, too. Being very comfortable with each other is a good thing, like showering together. Keep an open dialogue to know where your mutual line is.
Pamper your wife.
Look into each other’s eyes when you talk, really connect when you are telling each other how you feel. Eye contact is very important. Take the time to acknowledge each other with this little, but important, action.
The grass is greener where you water it. Water your marriage with time, be interested in what your spouse is doing, ask questions, engage. Don’t just pass each other in the hallway and grunt.
Continue to date
Learn each other the best you can, respect and love each other enough to give what the other needs…gladly.
Put God first. Be selfless and try to out serve each other. Continue to develop a deeper friendship with each other. Make time to be alone and have fun together. Weekly date night. A getaway at least once a year with just the two of you. Learn each other’s love language. Oh sorry, lol you said ONE.
Always put each other first. Serving others is important, but not at the expense of your family, especially your spouse. Serving took a precedence over my husband/family at one time. I was out of balance.
Remember to go out on date night.
Never take each other for granted. … live every day like is the last with each other. Love like there is no tomorrow.
Always look good and keep the surprises going.
Never stop talking.
Take a break from each other once in a while to remember and honor that you are an individual with strengths all your own, and you’ll have more to share with them. I understand what is being said here. You possess God-given talents. You are valuable, apart from your spouse. However, ‘taking a break’ depends on your circumstance. If a husband travels for business, further time apart can be detrimental, even if it’s ‘once in awhile.’ For me, personally, I needed more time with my husband without the kids around than anything else.
Openly discuss each other’s likes/dislikes in your sex life. Be open to try new things and pray together for each other and your marriage.
Never stop dating!
Life isn’t about being right; admit when you are wrong, apologize sincerely and learn from the experience. Wish I knew “then” what I know now….
Cherish, communicate, compromise, and Christ.
What practical bit of advice do you wish you’d known as a newlywed? Please tell me in the comments. Thanks!