In reading Forgiven Woman’s post, An Ever-Fixed Mark, I had flashbacks. I think in some way, shape, or form, we’ve all received those phone calls. Mine was at 11 p.m.
As much as I pray they won’t happen, there are more 11 p.m. phone calls in my future, too. That’s just the nature of life here on earth.
If it were up to my instincts alone it would take weeks to engage sexually after an event rips my heart out. To engage while dealing with fury, fear, humiliation and inadequacy is nearly impossible.
It takes time for the taut wire of panic and anxiety to slacken. To come to a state of slack, I repeat Psalm 34:18 and my other mantra, “This too shall pass,” over and over again in my mind.
However, operating merely from our viewpoint isn’t fair if we have a goodwilled, high-drive man who is enduring the trials and tribulations right alongside us. In general, a high drive man’s desire is not as negatively affected as ours by stress and anxiety.
Once again, we have to operate from a place of love. When your mind knows that sexual intimacy with your husband is comforting and the best way to connect emotionally with him, our hearts can follow.
In the end, even though it seems to go against our instincts, sexual intimacy makes you and your husband a team that can conquer whatever 11 p.m. phone call comes your way.
Here are some ideas to help melt away the traumatic event’s impact so that you can feel less raw.
First and foremost, get connected with the One who guards your soul. When the bottom falls out I’m most tempted to try to handle it on my own with my endless lists and ideas for how to fix things. Let him lead you. The Great Comforter will infuse abundant peace into your heart. All you have to do is ask.
When my husband is listening to my outpouring of emotion with all of his heart to understand my ache and brokenness, it’s easier to engage sexually. When he listens and wraps me in his arms, with no judging tone, just simple acceptance, I feel loved. Words are not always needed.
Get a massage. This is my number one choice for relaxation. You can go to a professional or you can ask your husband. A massage from your husband is best in my opinion. Not because it’s cheaper, because it’s more connecting.
Other ideas are
~ taking a bath with dim lighting,
~ exercising to release tension,
~ or 10 minutes in your closet for prayer with or without music (depending on if music soothes your soul).
When the kids were little I would escape to the bathroom for a moment of peace. But, now with kids grown, the quiet dark of the closet is where my thoughts can halt and my soul can find a moment of reconnection.
These ideas may sound simplistic when you are in the midst of something big. Just choosing to try to calm your nerves is a good start.
Find a godly person who has gone through your same scenario and you feel has encouragement to offer. When the worst of things were happening, I was embarrassed to tell anyone. I did disservice to myself by remaining quiet and stuffing my emotions. To the world, I was sunshine as always. Inside, I became a vacuum of nothingness.
By stuffing, I wasn’t filling myself with any helpful thing. God uses people to minister to his hurting children. When we stuff our emotions, it creates an empty airless space in our souls. Let God fill your empty airless space of hurt with someone who can give you words to get you through just one day.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,” Psalm 34:18
I rest in the Lord’s palm. I rest from all trauma and anxiety. I rest fully aware that I am a sexually charged creature. I rest knowing that sexual intimacy with my husband makes us a great team.
For when your husband is dealing with traumatic events see: Family Crisis and Intimacy.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional counselor or medical professional. This is just my experience when the bottom has fallen out.
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