I wish I’d had a clue about the full meaning of sexual intimacy.
There is immense meaning behind the act that is glorified in the media as fast and furious and so inconsequential it can be done with any ol’ person, even a friend with benefits.
You see, I had bought into the lie and had already given away my husband’s right and honor of being the first, an honor he did bestow upon me. I have long since forgiven myself. I’ve reconciled with my history. When the thought of wedding night firsts come to mind, I have regrets. (And my sweet husband forgave so easily.)
It’s my deepest wish that I can help other newlyweds to understand the exquisite gravity sexual intimacy holds, especially my own children. It’s one of Satan’s favorite tools. He doesn’t want us to fully understand.
I wish I would have realized that married sex is the fullness of all things spiritual. It is the essence of love, peace, joy, gentleness, goodness, patience, kindness, self-control, and faithfulness (Galatians 5:22&23). If God is with us everywhere, he is also in our bedroom during the ‘act of marriage.’
However, God cannot look upon sin (Habakkuk 1:13).
My other experiences before marriage were without the presence of God. That’s why I felt so shallow and empty. I was looking for God in the arms of men I wasn’t married to.
I didn’t understand that with the sanctification of the covenantal vows, sex becomes weighty with wonder because it’s experienced with the approval and presence of God.
I felt used and brought those feelings into my marriage. I was being used by the others. (Of course, I wasn’t an innocent victim. I had made a choice.)
But, my new husband was not using me. He was conversing with me physically. He was baring his soft underbelly of emotion every time we made love.
Most women don’t instinctually realize this (some do), sexual intimacy is an emotional experience for your husband. Because I now understand this, it has evolved into an emotional experience for me, as well.
Continue to look deeply into each other’s eyes. Sex isn’t just about your nether regions joining. Sex is a one-flesh moment, one-flesh is built upon spirit, emotion, and physical body. The actual act only takes fractions of your whole life as a married couple, but it’s a sacred fraction.
Sexual intimacy is like pixy dust that lightly lands on all areas of your marriage and gives it a little sparkle.Sexual intimacy is like pixy dust that lightly lands on all areas of your marriage and gives it a little sparkle. Click To Tweet
The temptation of selfishness sneaks in when a marriage becomes sexless. Not just infidelity, but the temptation to exclude your spouse from other important decisions of your everyday life. Without the protection of pixy dust, personal preference may wrongly trump the one-flesh nature of marriage.
As a young bride, I couldn’t have fathomed a married life without sex because I had a physical hunger for it.
It would have been good for me to understand that:
~ If/when the physical yearning fades, keep pursuing and nurturing your sexual intimacy.
~ If/when there is disillusionment in your spouse, keep pursuing and nurturing sexual intimacy. (I’m not talking about abusive behavior of any kind, just the disappointments of life lived with a human being that isn’t perfect.)
~ If/when one spouse is lower drive and the other higher drive, patience and grace is extended as solutions are created to the benefit of both (one-flesh compromises).
~ If/when there are problems in the marriage bed, you speak about them out loud, gently over coffee somewhere.
As a young bride-to-be, my mom fostered a positive view of sexual intimacy. I just didn’t know that to neglect the marriage bed was to neglect the relationship. It is also true that if you neglect the relationship outside of the bedroom, you are also neglecting the atmosphere of life for sexual intimacy to thrive.
As weird as is it is for my kids to know that their mom is a Christian intimacy writer (a.k.a. sex blogger), I feel strongly enough about their future covenant that I’m risking dedicating this to my son, the groom, and his bride. They seal their life together in 2 days.
It’s my fervent prayer that their relationship thrive not just for their personal happiness but for the growth of God’s Kingdom. We need more young couples carrying Christ’s banner with joy and smiles.
If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome! See Why Sex is my focus.