5 years ago, OysterBed7 was born. If you’ve been around the blogging block, you know that the average lifespan of a blog is about 6 months. So, that makes OysterBed7 approximately 690 in blog years.
In honor of my blogversary, I thought I’d answer the 5 questions I’m most frequently asked when people find out I’m a marriage and intimacy blogger.
Why did you start this blog?
I started this blog to share the hope that low-libido and conflict in marriage aren’t permanent conditions. I’m here to witness that transformation is possible. However, it requires both the Lord’s work and your participation.
In the early 2000’s, my husband and I facilitated a class called, “Dynamic Marriage,” because God and this class saved our relationship. After a couple of years, my husband’s work schedule grew too demanding so we retired from facilitating.
I continued reading marriage resources and walking alongside hurting wives when they came to me. As I began to find marriage resources online in blogs, God started tapping on my shoulder. “You can do this,” He whispered. But, He wasn’t just asking me to write. He was asking me to be transparent about our struggles in marriage and my low-libido nature.
What does your husband think?
Dave, my husband, has a heart for others. If the blog helps other marriages find hope to rebuild, he is all for it. Plus, as the other half of me, he knows that I will never frame him in a negative light. (He ain’t perfect and neither am I, so we don’t bash each other.) He is an amazing man of God capable of making me laugh and tremendous self-introspection. I adore him.
What has kept you writing?
Two things have kept me writing. The first is the possibility of helping one hurting marriage.
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
As a teen, I cross-stitched this Emily Dickinson poem and hung it on my dorm room wall. This poem, plus the following verses in John 13, have created the anthem of my life.
In the words of Jesus, “…I have set you an example so that you should do as I have done for you. Truly, truly, I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them,” John 13:15-17.
The second thing that has kept me writing is connecting with women who need encouragement. I enjoy writing, tremendously. But, I’ve discovered writing isn’t my passion. Writing is the vessel God uses so that I can connect with women who need to hear the message he has given me.
Aren’t you embarrassed to admit you have low sex-drive?
The first time someone asked me this it caught me off guard. Frankly, I am more embarrassed to admit we have marriage problems than to admit I have low sex-drive. I don’t mind telling people I’m low sex-drive, because it doesn’t mean my marriage is low sex.
In this highly-sexed world, the average person may think it’s a deficit to call yourself low-libido. I’m not embarrassed because I know where my strength is coming from and I don’t see sexual intimacy as a purely physical encounter.
2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
1 Corinthians 1:31, “Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
Where did the name OysterBed7 come from?
Even though I write about sex a lot, the title had little to do with the slimy aphrodisiac and much to do with beautiful pearls. For the full story see: Take a Little Grit and Become a Pearl
The number 7 was tacked on because OysterBed.com was already taken. 7 is a biblical number and I liked it better than 3 (another biblical number). It rhymes with heaven.
My newer readers may not know, I wrote anonymously for the first year and my pseudonym was Pearl. Read the “historic” unveiling here: Out of the Shell
Can I sign up my wife secretly to your blog?
I’d love to encourage your wife, but ambushing her with OysterBed7 posts will probably get you the exact opposite result you’re hoping for. I’ve had hundreds of people subscribe and then unsubscribe through the years and I wonder how many of them were wives who were surprised by me in their email box?
I suggest you first tell her that sexual intimacy is very important to you because it helps you emotionally connect with her. She may play the BS card, but don’t be deterred. Lovingly, not in exasperation, explain to her that men and women view sexual intimacy different. Simply ask her permission to send my bio and let her decide for herself if she wants to read anything I have to say. And then, pray!
Watch for other 5th Blogversary posts this week!
First time visiting? Welcome!
You may want to start by reading, “Why Sex?”
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