Sex Isn’t Like the Movies…But It Can Be 5-Star

Two lovers stumble toward the bedroom, caught up in passionate kisses and undressing one another with their eyes and their nimble fingers. Clothes come off in a snap and fall to the floor, leaving a trail behind them. They can’t get enough of each other and lower themselves onto the bed in a well-orchestrated crash. Their bodies join and move in rhythm, as dramatic music plays in the background. Their contorted faces reveal waves of pleasure rushing over them as they experience simultaneous climax. A sigh of satisfaction follows. And minutes later, the cycle begins again, to be repeated over and over, all night long.

Yep, you’ve just watched movie sex.

When have I ever experienced such an encounter? Um, never.

Yet, we wives may watch these scenes and feel a twinge of jealousy at how well it goes for the movie couple and even frustration that our own sex life isn’t that hot-and-heavy. Why can’t our husbands say such beautiful words? Why can’t our husbands kiss us that fervently? Why can’t our husbands deftly move their hands and lips all over us for hours on end until we are caught up in a rush of excitement worthy of Meg Ryan’s famous orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally?

Reality check: Sex isn’t like that. The sex you see in movies is scripted by professional writers, portrayed by professional actors, choreographed by directors, accompanied by orchestras, and fine-tuned by film editors. Not to mention make-up artists, costume designers, and body doubles.

But it’s every bit as good, or rather better…because it’s real. Go in with the right expectations, and it can be 5-star.

The Actors. You and your spouse are the stars of your bedroom. No screen testing required. Yet you were picked especially for the part, by a spouse who chose you and loves you above all others.

We wives often struggle with not looking like flat-tummied, hourglass-figured actresses (ignoring that our husbands were overlooked for a People’s Sexiest Man Alive nomination). But you are the one with whom he wants to make love. Find ways to be confident about who you are and how you look. Pamper yourself with a bubble bath or a home pedicure. Dress the part with lingerie of your choice. Remember that you are a daughter of the King, knit together by God Himself. In your marital bedroom, you have stage presence, and with your husband, there can be plenty of off-screen chemistry.

The Script. The script is more like an improvisation prompt than the screenplay of an Oscar-winning film. It goes like this: You’re on a bed, you’ll eventually put your private parts together, but get there however you want. And…action!

Let the lovemaking unfold in its own way. If it’s not going smoothly, communicate and adjust. At times, sex can be awkward or even funny. Raise your hand if you’ve ever fallen off the bed. (Ooh, Ooh, Me!) Don’t sweat the small stuff. Remember that this is an opportunity to explore one another, express your love, and enjoy the moment. There isn’t a single way to do that. Make it up as you go.

The Setting. If you can hire John Williams to write your love theme and an orchestra to play it while you’ve making love, go right ahead. The rest of us must set the scene ourselves.

And it need not feature a perfectly lit bedroom with a crisp-white-sheeted bed, rose petals strewn about, and music playing in the background. Or even the movie favorite of a moving elevator—as if that would even be comfortable or wise, given security cameras these days. Your perfect setting can be anyplace you choose, as long as you two have space and feel free to make love there. But take time to create an atmosphere that puts you in a romantic mood, like sprucing up the bedroom, playing music, or using special lighting. Make it an inviting place to retreat from the world and focus on marital intimacy.

The Director’s Cut. Remember that the ultimate Director of your lovemaking is God Himself. Sex in marriage is His idea (Genesis 2:22-24; Song of Songs 5:1). God created sexual intimacy not to be a well-edited scene from a film, but to be a series of scenes from a marriage that lasts a lifetime.

Yep, I’d rather have God in the director’s chair than Stephen Spielberg any day of the week.

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About our author, J Parker~
J is a Christian, a wife, a mom, a writer, and a work in progress. She writes anonymously at Hot, Holy & Humorous, where she uses a biblical perspective and a blunt sense of humor to foster Christian sexuality in marriage.