Today, I am taking Paul Byerly’s (the_generous_husband) challenge to celebrate my husband’s sex drive.
If you are married, celibacy is not your spiritual gift.
So, why do so many married men feel like they are living in a monastery?
There was a time I was a none (yes, wordplay intended). In our marriage, I’ve lived on both sides of the convent wall.
I work on gut instinct, intuition. Mr. Muscle’s sex drive isn’t intuitive for me. ( Yes, that’s present tense.)
Because it’s not intuitive, in the dark phase of our marriage, I counted his sexual need as frivolous. I think I know why.
In 1Corinthians 7, the apostle Paul speaks words that say it is not a sin to be married. But, it is better to be unmarried. If you are unmarried, your concern is not divided between the Lord’s Kingdom and your relationship with your spouse. This could be construed to imply that sexual intimacy is what is keeping one from their right relationship with the Lord.
I discovered St. Paul is not saying that the absence of sex is what helps us focus more on spiritual matters. He is saying the absence of the entire spousal relationship is what frees a single person to devote more of their energy to serving and loving the Lord. Add children into the mix and you have even less time to devote to the Lord.
Sexual intimacy is not counter to our spiritual life. It’s God ordained!! He created it not just for procreation but for recreation. Sexual Intimacy can rock your marital spiritual life and leads to betterindividual spiritual lives.
Even as a low libido wife who doesn’t intuitively understand why my husband has an aching need, I feel blessed to have Mr. Muscle’s urge to keep us connected in that way. We’d just be roommates if it weren’t for slipping out of the monastery to celebrate our love in a physical way. Now that I’ve experienced the harmony consistent lovemaking brings to our relationship, I never want to settle for being roomies again!
I’ve encountered the healing of sexual harmony. YOU can, too!!!! Don’t settle. If lovemaking is something you struggle with, do some serious introspection and PRAY.
Pray for a feeling of gratitude about who your husband is. You married a guy who set you on fire. He was and is amazing. But, forced into a life that doesn’t include consistent sexual intimacy may have changed his demeanor (can you say grumpy, crabby, absolute jerk?).
Pray for release of fear. I think we fear that we will have to manage some uncomfortable situations if we give ourselves permission to be a sensual wife. It’s quite the opposite.
If there are more serious issues within your relationship, pray for the right resource to be revealed to you. But, don’t give up!! He didn’t sign up to be a monk and you didn’t sign up to be a none.
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