Your interest in sex is shaped by everything that goes on outside of the bedroom. Gratitude is an attitude that can improve your sex drive by helping you to emotionally desire to make love with your husband.
Gratitude is an emotional connection that can help you move toward lovemaking. When you foster gratefulness, you foster a deeper connection. When you are deeply connected, you want to touch the heart of your spouse in a way that speaks loudest to them. For many spouses, sexual intimacy is like hearing a gong: it’s reverberations shout love.
Within any marriage, but especially the low sex drive marriage, gratefulness translates into a richer depth of interest in sex.
Although not a scenario from the bedroom, I’ve seen gratefulness in action.
The Blessing Jar
The only reason my mother would let something so ugly sit in plain view on the kitchen counter was because it housed snippets of beauty. Inside the cork-sealed crockery jar were notes scratched on multi-colored scraps of paper. Through the years, we all had added bits of paper to the jar. We each contributed by writing our memories of happy, weighty, or poignant experiences we’d had as a family.
These written memories were pure love to our mother. Every so often, she dumped the jar to read the blessings within. There were a few Christmases where we would sit around the kitchen table and take turns reaching in and pulling out a memory to read out loud. (There was one caveat to writing a note, you had to be willing to have it shared out loud.)
We all grew to love that hideous little jar for the precious feelings that enveloped each little note. The stories stored in the blessing jar helped each of us, not just mom, feel loved, appreciated and supported. When you feel loved, appreciated, and supported you are more interested in returning that feeling.
Although this jar was inscribed with the word blessing, it could have easily said, gratitude. The memories written were a way of expressing our gratitude for the connection we had as a family.
Finding Gratitude for your Spouse
The story above can easily translate to a husband and wife.
I’ve found my heart is softer toward my husband when I focus on how we love, support, and appreciate each other. Of course, this is easier to do when things are going smoothly and he’s not been acting like a jerk. I’m sure it’s easier for him, too, when I’m not acting like a diva.
Gratitude is simply knowing that you are the, “recipient of goodness,” Robert A. Emmons. If you are married to a mostly decent guy, in spite of the tough seasons, you know deep down he’s given you some goodness. Focus on the goodness he’s given, not on where you feel empty.
Look for that goodness daily. If after a few months of practicing gratitude you still have empty spots, you can address it with him from a much calmer place.
Fostering gratitude requires deliberate action. That’s why it is a practice.
Practical ways to practice gratitude in your marriage
Decide to be grateful. Gratitude is more than a feeling because it requires contemplation and reflection on our part. You have to decide to take active part.
Decide to let go of entitlement (i.e. I deserve it) and expectations (i.e. he didn’t do it good enough). Frankly, if you always feel dissatisfied you are never going to have a happy life or marriage or sex life. It is in your power to change, however. It only takes one little decision and a whole bunch of follow-through.
Go out of your way to be grateful. Your part will involve speaking less, listening more, and being observant. Be on the constant lookout for kind and thoughtful behavior from your man. Then, thank him for it!
You are never going to inspire your spouse to greater heights if you make sure they know how much they’ve disappointed you. Frustrating your spouse with nagging and critical words will only lead to apathy not ambition to change. What does inspire change? Gratefulness and appreciation.
Turn your, “I’m sorry’s,” into, “Thank you’s.”
Seen on Instagram: “Instead of saying, ‘I’m sorry for being late,’ say, ‘Thank you for waiting for me.’ Instead of saying, ‘I’m sorry for being such a mess,’ say, ‘Thank you for loving me and caring for me unconditionally.’ It’s not only shifted the way I think and feel about myself but also improves my relationship with others who receive my gratitude instead of my negativity.”
Create your own blessing jar. Write little notes of how your spouse has blessed you and hide them away in the jar. It will help you become more intentional in finding ways to be grateful for the spouse God has given you. After a year, read them.
Gratitude is contagious
What if you’re the only one showing gratefulness in your marriage? That’s when gratitude and grace collide. (You’ll be interested to know that gratitude and grace share the same Latin root word, gratus.)
Give him grace (a free pass) and time to absorb what you are doing.
Practice gratitude for several months and you’ll be surprised by the goodness that will be reflected back at you by your husband. However, if after several months you see no response, you may need to take a deep breath and have a conversation with him about gratitude. You can point him to this article.
Let’s all be that one leper.
In Luke 17:11-19, Jesus is found healing 10 lepers. Only 1 returns to thank Jesus for the miraculous gift of healing. For this act of gratitude, Jesus tells the man, “your faith has made you whole,” (KJV). I think the King James Version captures the essence of Jesus’ words best. The leper was first cured on the physical level. Then, the leper’s act of gratitude healed him on a higher plane, on a spiritual level. He was made whole.
Here we have an example of what pleases Jesus. This act of gratitude received a special spiritual blessing the other 9 didn’t receive. The practice of gratitude is a spiritual practice that God honors.
“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” Ps. 103:1-5
Gratitude may seem to have nothing to do with sex drive, but I don’t agree. Gratitude builds connection on the deepest level. Emotional connection inspires a low sex drive spouse to participate in the physical connection of sex.
Give the gift of gratitude to work toward lifting a low sex marriage to wholeness.