Don’t do it in the dark.
Men bond with what they see while climaxing.
In Christian and Sexy, we briefly hit upon the fact that male brains release feel good chemicals when they see a female form. Let’s take this a step further and contemplate what is happening in the male brain when he views his wife while making love.
According to Dr. Douglas Weiss, in his book, Sex, God and Men, pg. 15, “Whatever his eyes focus on when he sexually releases – a person, image or object – will become etched in his brain as a photographic attachment toward that person, image or object. I call it Sex Glue. ”
This is probably why pornography is a gazillion dollar industry. Men view and quite possibly release while viewing sexually stimulating material. Unwittingly, they are training their brains with a reward response for viewing pornography. When what should be happening is that they train their brains to reward release only with their wives.
Could this be a factor for the low-libido husband? He’s got a very willing wife down the hall in the bedroom, but it’s too hard to deal with a real person. Not only that, but if a male is consistently viewing pornography and releasing, this becomes the most satisfying way to be sexual because of how he’s trained his brain.
The good news is the brain can be rehabilitated.
The husband absolutely has to take responsibility for the negative effects of his porn viewing. But, the wife can help him retrain his brain by allowing there to be illumination during lovemaking.
Get a candle.
If this is a jarring thought to have sex with the lights on, start out slow with a nice little lavender votive candle. Then, work up to the big ol’ Yankee Candle full-size jars. Then, leave the bathroom light on with the door ajar. Before you know it, you’ll be doing it with the curtains open in broad daylight, daring the neighbors to peek.
It is not just for his benefit. It is spiritual to look into the eyes of your husband and lover. It’s the ultimate emotional connection. It helps you bond with your mister.
Do I hear you say, “But, I don’t like how my body looks in the light?” Take heart, my lovely friends. Hear what else Dr. Doug Weiss has to say.
On pg. 113, of Sex, God and Men, it states “Most women don’t understand that a man attaches to his wife by looking at her. If she understood this, she would know that her physical appearance doesn’t matter. Once you consistently attach to her person relationally, her body will become desirable regardless of its proportions.”
One last word of caution, if you live in the state of Virginia, you may want to keep this on the down-low. Apparently, it is illegal to have sex with the lights on and in any other position besides missionary. I’d like to see the face of the cop that writes that ticket!
And God said, “Let there be light,” Genesis 1:3.
“Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for the marriage of this reader to be full of emotional, physical and spiritual connection. Lord, may this marriage mentor your character of love, unity, tenderness and strength to all the children who witness it. I pray joy and laughter in the marriage of this lovely reader. And I pray tenacity and persistence. Bless this marriage to uphold your design. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
I highly recommend the book Sex, God and Men. It goes a long way in explaining the brain biology of men and their sexual nature, including help with sex addiction.
Other porn related posts:
My Response: Married Men Your Porn Habit is an Adultery Habit