When sex is the problem:
The Wife may:
-Hide while changing clothes.
-Find all touch to be sexual innuendo.
-Find there’s no sauciness/flirtiness in the relationship.
-Wonder where the laughter went.
-Think he would rather do anything than spend time with me talking.
-Contemplate that all I am is a sperm receptacle to him?
-Scream, “Why is he so distant???”
The husband may think:
-Don’t I mean anything to her? She hides her beautiful body from me.
-Doesn’t she love me? She won’t let me near her.
-I’m feeling so tortured with desire, I have to go away from her presence.
In truth, Sex isn’t the problem.
It’s the LACK of sex that is the problem.
Sexual drought doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a downward trend. The temperature slowly drops in your marriage through lack of connection.
I think for most marriages it boils down to this very basic element. Lack of time together means lack of emotional connection. Lack of emotional connection forms ice. Pretty soon you are the ice princess and he is the grouchy abominable snowman.
There are a myriad of reasons (excuses?) for not spending time together:
-Kids and their activities
-Too Busy with ministry (Yes, there is such a thing as too much concentration on ministry, if you are neglecting God’s first mission team, the marriage.)
That’s why I write for the low-libido wife. Sex is part of the solution, if not the solution, to restoring your marriage into a love affair. Start your libido ‘revampification’ by making the time to be together. PRAY about it.
There will be a perceived sacrifice, at first, to make this time together possible.
Eventually you’ll see, it’s not a sacrifice, it is the white flag of surrender.
Surrender to God whatever needs to be surrendered for the revitalization of your marriage.
Surrender to God your bad attitude.
Surrender to God your need for emotional connection with your husband.
Surrender to God and He will show you the answer.
“Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you,” James 4:10.
Protect your husband. He’ll protect you.
If you are meeting your husband’s sexual needs, he isn’t going to be looking elsewhere. He’s not even going to be tempted. (See Intimacy in Marriage’s “Could This Wife’s Story Be Yours?”)
As commented by T B, on my post, Why Sex, men don’t want to seem like jerks or animals constantly clawing to have their sexual needs met. They give up eventually and wither into an emotional fetal position.
If you are meeting your husband’s sexual needs, he’ll be in a place where he can meet your emotional needs. You won’t be vulnerable to an emotional affair.
Because our husbands’ brains and emotions are wired differently from us, if they are not fed sexually, it’s difficult for them to engage on the deep emotional level that most wives need. (I realize there are exceptions to the majority.)
Here’s where God is amazing.
Ladies, sex is as good for your health, physically, emotionally and spiritually as it is for your husband. His brain and body just tells him he needs it more intensely than your brain and body.
Emotional connectedness is just as good for your husband physically, emotionally and spiritually, as it is for you. His body and brain doesn’t tell him he needs it like your brain and body.
That’s why constantly practicing the one-flesh of marriage is the best plan. Husbands’ and wives’ cravings work in conjunction to fill each other’s weak spots. Weak spots we didn’t even know we had. Aren’t the silent vulnerabilities the most critical?
I was ‘Her Royal Icyness.’ Satan fooled me into thinking I enjoyed that kind of nobility. My crown wasn’t fitted with jewels. It was a jester’s crown because I was fooling myself.
As God warmed up my heart, the ice melted away into a pool of conviction and blessing. This ice princess became a Sexy Tsarina. Well, moderately sexy, and I’m not of Russian descent, but it was a good alliteration.
All it takes is one decision, ladies. In your heart, you know it’s true. It only takes you deciding to do whatever is necessary to restore your lost libido. Because, when we ladies put our minds to something, we conquer with Christ.
I’ve written quite a number of posts on libido restoration. Female libido is a delicate wonder. As time marches on, successful libido is a complex tangle of components, which revolves around physical, emotional and spiritual health.
In my next few posts I’ll be sharing with you, “Interview with a Menopause Hormone Specialist.” We’ll be hearing from my doctor, Tabetha Smith, FNP and her thoughts on libido loss.
You might also like to check out webmd’s “10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex.”
Linking with Shelia Gregoire’s Wifey Wednesday: Sex Is Great!
If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome!