“I can live for two months on a good compliment,” Mark Twain.
Positive words are nutrients for my heart, like manure for a flower garden but with sounds and smells that are sweeter. Cover me in positive words and my heart and behavior blooms.
Mr. Muscle (a.k.a. my husband) learned this awhile back and now often tells me that I’m beautiful. He doesn’t get fancy. He just looks me in the eye and says genuinely, “You are beautiful.” After about 3 months of consistently hearing these wonderful words, I started to believe them.
“Praise makes us brave,” Beverly Sher via assumelove.com.
Bravery comes because we want to live up to these wonderful things that have been said about us. Bravery is solidified for Christ-followers because of his promises.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” Philippians 4:13.
Once I started to believe and be brave, I found a way to make the statement of my alleged beauty more valid. I found time in my busy schedule to exercise. It had been needed for awhile. His words of my beauty motivated, inspired, and lured me.
Praise needs to be the manure of your marriage, to grow your wife’s heart. Even if the positive words feel foreign and sound foreign, they are not BS, but a source of nourishment.
What if praise and positive words aren’t your nature?
- Pick one or two things about your spouse to focus on. Having trouble narrowing it down? See the Bible scripture below, focus on those things.
- Be sincere, honest, genuine, non-manipulative with your praise.Women can smell alternate agendas like fresh manure from miles away.
- Women dismiss probably half of compliments they receive due to poor self-image.As she hears them consistently, though, she will start to believe them.
- Don’t go overboard with too much daily praise.There’s a balance to be struck. How will you know if you’ve crossed the line? She’ll probably tell you with some serious eye-rolling or ‘are you kidding?’ expression.
- Accept his praise, ladies. Help him be as comfortable as possible if this is tilling new ground for your husband.
Disclaimer: If you are just starting a habit of praise, you may also get eye-rolling and ‘are you kidding?’ expressions. But, this will only be because she is not used to it. Believe me, it won’t take her long to start soaking it up and probably reciprocating.
What’s this got to do with low-libido?
“It is very arousing to me to have someone verbally and physically appreciate my body,” Participant in Kinsey Institute 2004 study on Female Sexual Arousal and Inhibition.
- Improve self-image. She will be more likely to engage if she believes you find her beautiful (or whatever quality you choose to praise). If you find her beautiful, maybe she should find herself beautiful. If she finds herself beautiful, her behavior will alter to make it true. Improved self-image = improved ability to see herself as a stunning, sexually charged creature.
- Bravery and Courage. When these are placed in the heart of a woman, she will tackle things head-on. Bravery and courage in the atmosphere of love and acceptance from you, will allow her to contemplate the tougher issues in her life, like low-libido.
- Improved Emotional Intimacy. She will connect with you on a more intimate emotional level. Genuine praise reveals a bit of your heart to her. She wants to know your heart.
It’s crucial, essential, mandatory for a low-libido wife to have a strong emotional connection with her husband to overcome the lack of physical motivation to engage in sexual intimacy.
It’s that simple. It really is.
Are you starting to see that Sex Drive Transformation isn’t that mysterious?
Keep up the good intentions, my friend! More importantly, keep up with the follow through!
Week 32 Meditation Verse
“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things that are:
the best, not the worst;
the beautiful, not the ugly;
things to praise, not things to curse.
Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies,” Philippians 4:8&9 (the message).
Positive Thought (positive verb: accept)
I accept the praise my husband gives me. I accept that I am a sexually charged creature. I accept that sexual intimacy with my husband honors God.
To understand the power and influence of positive verbs in improving low-libido, please see: Unlock Your Libido: 52-Week Sex Drive Transformation.
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