Those I Salute

I finally read Tom Brokaw’s book, The Greatest Generation.  It gives honor to the humble and hardworking who survived the great depression and then fought a major World War.  This generation has insight into life’s priorities that few of us garner.  It was the outcome of much deprivation and self-sacrifice for the greater good.

Each Greatest Generation vignette was a replica of the chapters I heard in real life.  Dad was active in the veteran organization, Submarine Vets of WWII.  I attended an occasional function.  By the time I was able to soak up the living history, WWII had been over for 35 years.  Enough years had passed that the extreme emotions associated with war memories had receded.  WWII vets were starting to talk about their experiences.  I was on the front lines to hear their stories.

But, there are other great heroes in my eyes that come from a later generation.  Hear me out….

In May 2008, the new, sleek, black submarine, USS North Carolina, was christened at the Wilmington, NC, seaport, just two miles from my home.  Tickets for this event were procured through Wilmington’s local subvets chapter.  I explained the situation of my father’s service in WWII and his recent widower-hood.

We had a vellum, white Washington DC invitation in the mailbox within days.

As an added honor, the WWII vets were allowed to tour this nuclear submarine the night before the christening.  At the time of the tour, my dad met her Captain, Mark Davis. 

The day of the christening, armed homeland security guards were heavily present.  Hundreds of people attended.  Dad and I were just a speck in the crowd.

Fast forward one year.  My husband and I, by coincidence, met the same naval captain, Mark Davis, and his wife at a social event in Wilmington.

I was ecstatic.  In my less than mild manner, I explained to CAPT Davis and his wife that my dad was a WWII vet and he had toured USS NC the day before the christening in 2008.  Captain & Mrs. Davis were so very gracious to patiently listen to my stuttering.  My heart warmed even more because of their appreciation of my father’s service.

Captain Davis took my father’s address and hand wrote a letter to him.  He commended my father’s patriotism.  When dad received that letter he was incredulous, “He called me a patriot!  I didn’t do anything but work in a dirty old engine room.”  Of course, like all the honorees in the Greatest Generation book, dad is self-depricating.  He just did his duty.  And to me and Mark Davis that makes my dad a patriot!

Captain Davis, Sir, I salute you for honoring an old man.  The time you took to write simple words in a letter made my father beam with pride.  It was a moment of happiness as he still endured the grief of my mom’s loss.

I also salute those who take the time to shake hands with the old guys who now don the WWII VET baseball cap.

Not long after dad received the letter, I escorted him to Hawaii to visit his 90 year old sister.  (It was too long of a journey for an 83 year old to do alone.  I'm full of self-sacrifice.)  Dad wore his WWII VET ballcap the entire journey through several airports.  I was surprised and thrilled at the great number of citizens, including children urged on by their parents, who stopped my father and shook his hand with thanks.  Normally socially shy, dad beamed and spoke with authority.

The affirmation and gratitude offered these men is due them and is consolation (if only a small bit)  on this side of the veil for their sacrifices.  The youngest of the WWII vets are in their late 80’s.  They won’t be with us for much longer.

Memorial Day is about honoring those who were lost due to combat.  Although, I speak of honoring the living, in honoring them we are also paying homage to their comrades who have fallen.

"Coincidence is just God remaining anonymous," Albert Einsten.

Thank you, my friends and readers, for obliging me to stray from OysterBed7’s normal focus.  If you would do my family the honor of praying for my father, he isn't doing well at the time of this writing.  Thank you from the depths of my heart.

Also see OysterBed7's 2012 Memorial Day Tribute:  FEISTY

My Parents

Just Talk

Bonding and building emotional libido with my guy was as simple as getting him to talk.....  Simple?  No, it wasn't simple.

He was not a talker.  He did not come from a family of big talkers.  I come from a family that never shuts up.

We built the skill together with a deck of conversation cards.  After a while, we didn't need the cards.  Another boon to our marriage was when Mr. Muscle became a member of the business development team (i.e. sales).   Now, he talks (and listens!) for a living and his skills have overflowed into our marriage.  :)

So, today, I want to point you to Lori Byerly (the_generous_wife).  She has generously developed 366 questions for your marital conversational pleasure.  May it overflow into emotional libido and bedroom pleasure, as well!

Click on the heart below and it will take you to the pdf.

Week 21: See the Hero in Your Husband

If you are just joining the Sex Drive Transformation Challenge, WELCOME and please see the INTRODUCTION HERE.

(Husbands, if you are reading, you are invited to pray these scriptures and thoughts over your wives.)

Even though men aren’t wired for communication like women, words are equally powerful to both sexes.

I truly believe spoken words hold huge power.  The words themselves don’t hold power.  It’s the speaker who projects their energy.  I don’t want to sound all mystical.  But, what comes out of our mouths can do SO MUCH GOOD.

Have you seen the hero in your husband lately?  If not, just look, because the hero is alive and well.  We just need to speak to the hero to coax him out of the phone booth.

Usually, it’s just a simple statement.  “You are my hero.”

My dad is a WWII vet, so he really is a hero.  When my mom told him he was her hero, I could visibly see transformation within his spirit.  He stood taller and was softened with humility and honor.  He was her hero partly because of his naval service, but mostly because:

He went to work every day.

He took care of home maintenance.

He was very affectionate (hugs and kisses).

He made time to do stuff with mom.

These weren’t extraordinary characteristics.  He was a simple guy.  He did average guy things.

Sure, I occasionally heard about the stuff mom wasn’t happy about.  No relationship is perfect.  But, she didn’t dwell on that.

Push aside the reasons that tarnish your mister’s hero status.  This Memorial Day Weekend tell the Superman who shares your bed 3 specifics of why he is your hero.  I have found when people speak positive words into my life, I work harder to be worthy of those words.  Your hero is worthy, let him know!

Not only will he stand taller, but you might need a reminder, too.

Part of our libido reclamation is being proud of who we married.  Positive feelings build libido.  Negative feelings do the exact opposite. 

Week 21

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen,” Ephesians 4:29.

 “So the Lord spoke kind and comforting words to the angel who talked with me,” Zechariah 1:12

Positive Affirmation (verb: celebrate)

I celebrate sexual intimacy with my husband.  I celebrate God-ordained sexual intimacy.  I celebrate that my sexual interest is increasing every day.

Are You a None?

Today, I am taking Paul Byerly's (the_generous_husband) challenge to celebrate my husband's sex drive.

If you are married, celibacy is not your spiritual gift.

So, why do so many married men feel like they are living in a monastery?

There was a time I was a none.   In our marriage, I’ve lived on both sides of the convent wall.

I work on gut instinct, intuition.  Mr. Muscle’s sex drive isn’t intuitive for me. ( Yes, that’s present tense.)

Because it’s not intuitive, in the dark phase of our marriage, I counted his sexual need as frivolous.  I think I know why.

In 1Corinthians 7, the apostle Paul speaks words that say it is not a sin to be married.  But, it is better to be unmarried.  If you are unmarried, your concern is not divided between the Lord’s Kingdom and your relationship with your spouse.  This could be construed to imply that sexual intimacy is what is keeping one from their right relationship with the Lord.

I discovered St. Paul is not saying that the absence of sex is what helps us focus more on spiritual matters.  He is saying the absence of the entire spousal relationship is what frees a single person to devote more of their energy to serving and loving the Lord.   Add children into the mix and you have even less time to devote to the Lord.

Sexual intimacy is not counter to our spiritual life.  It’s God ordained!!  He created it not just for procreation but for recreation.  Sexual Intimacy can rock your marital spiritual life and leads to better individual spiritual lives.

Even as a low libido wife who doesn’t intuitively understand my husband’s aching need, I feel blessed to have Mr. Muscle’s urge to keep us connected in that way.  We’d just be roommates if it weren’t for slipping out of the monastery to celebrate our love in a physical way.  Now that I’ve experienced the harmony consistent lovemaking brings to our relationship, I never want to settle for being roomies again!

I’ve encountered the healing of sexual harmony.  YOU can, too!!!!  Don’t settle.  If lovemaking is something you struggle with, do some serious introspection and PRAY.

Pray for a feeling of gratitude about who your husband is.  You married a guy who set you on fire.  He was and is amazing.  But, forced into a life that doesn’t include consistent sexual intimacy may have changed his demeanor (can you say grumpy, crabby, absolute jerk?).

 

Pray for release of fear.  I think we fear that we will have to manage some uncomfortable situations if we give ourselves permission to be a sensual wife.  It’s quite the opposite.

If there are more serious issues within your relationship, pray for the right resource to be revealed to you.  But, don’t give up!!  He didn’t sign up to be a monk and you didn’t sign up to be a none.

Week 20

If you are just joining the Sex Drive Transformation Challenge, WELCOME and please see the INTRODUCTION HERE.

(Husbands, if you are reading, you are invited to pray these scriptures and thoughts over your wives.)

I believe you possess enormous courage.

Doesn’t it feel good to have someone in your corner?  An acquaintance, nearly a stranger, told me this the other day.  It made me feel so comforted and awash with renewed vigor.

Dear friends, gorgeous ladyfish, I know that you can create a beautiful life of love and lovemaking with your husband.  The courage and conviction to do this is within you.

Libido is so much more than just a physical craving for sexual intimacy.  Libido is a zest for living life; a zest for the daily grind and a zest for new experience.  For me to have a successful life of sexual intimacy, I need the ambience of zest within the other areas of my life.

Libido is an all encompassing passion for life.  It’s being grateful for the blessings we have and grateful for the experiences that challenge us and help us blossom into the kind of person that models Christ.

Libido is the fruit of the positive energy you pump into your life.  Negatives are intentionally pumped out, for the positive to flourish. 

My life libido is like my iris bed.  The entire plant has to be healthy to produce blossoms.  The green foliage comes up every year, but that's not always an indication that blooms will appear.  To produce the lovely blossoms, I have to weed and fertilize.  The weeds are persistent and profuse.  Eradicating weeds takes constant attention.  It even takes self-sacrifice.  I hate enduring the sweltering, buggy days of August to work in the yard.  Fertilization doesn’t happen quite as often, but it is necessary to produce the blooms I adore.

Sexual intimacy is the blossom.  It’s only a small fraction of the total care of your marriage, but it is MOST necessary.  The blossom is beautiful by itself.  But, it's presence enhances the foliage of life.

I believe in your courage to eradicate the weeds of fear, increase zest for the green foliage of daily life, and bloom with sexual intimacy.   I am praying over you, my friends.  Find your libido of life.

WEEK 20

“David also said to Solomon his son, ‘Be strong and courageous, and do the work.  Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished.’,” I Chronicles 28:20.

 Positive Thought (action verb: Free)

I free my courage from deep in my heart.  I am free and strong to weed the negatives out of my life.  I free my sexual energy.  I free the knowledge that sexual intimacy is God-ordained.

Turned-On in 10 Minutes?

Why have I not seen this before?

I visited Gina Parris’, WinningatRomance.com, site several months ago and my interest was piqued by her claim that she could help anyone ‘get in the mood.’  I wanted to buy her DVD’s.  It just wasn’t in the budget at the moment.

You may be thinking, "Why does Gina Parris ring a bell?"  Well, if you are a hotholyhumorous.com reader, you've seen Gina's pretty face in a sidebar button for 'Sexy Summit' teleseminar and her website is listed in J's blogroll.

Today, I found a free audio/pdf she has available, 5 Keys to Really Great Sex Tonight - even if you're NOT in the mood.  The audio/pdf has probably been around for a while, I just missed it…..

She is on to something!!!

I respect what she has to say.  Actually, I was excited about what she had to say.   She speaks succinctly and knowledgeably about things I've been coming to understand.  I've been grasping at them and trying to make sense of it all.  She's got it down!

Unlike me, she is a professional in the field of psychology, specifically sports psychology.  I think she is bringing a philosophy into light that may be very beneficial!

So, today I’m directing you over to Gina.  You will have to insert your email address where it says FREE AUDIO.  A link will be directly sent to you.  You will have the choice of hearing audio or reading the pdf.  

Mentioned at the end are products available to buy.  I haven’t purchased anything, yet.  But, I don’t think you have to purchase anything to come away with some great advice and knowledge.

5 Keys to Really Great Sex Tonight - even if you're NOT in the mood.

Gina is also involved in marriage & sex advice podcasts found at www.sexymarriageradio.com.

Seeds of Legacy

The deep midnight irises were in an aluminum bucket full of water.  It was cool against my legs.  I was sitting in the back seat of the car, straddling the bucket to keep it steady.

We were visiting grandma again, my mom’s mom.  Aunt Lois (grandma’s sister) always let us cut the irises from her back yard to take.   This time, Aunt Lois was going, too.

I always liked visiting grandma.  We only went when the weather was as bright as Aunt Lois' polished silver tea set.

Visiting grandma was one of the rare times when mom would let me roam free.  The well manicured lawn felt good under my bare feet.  I hated shoes, still do.

Mom didn’t have to worry that I’d break anything.  The cold grey headstones weren’t budging no matter how hard I tried to topple them.

Grandma’s neighbors had all sort of strange names and dates.  One of Grandma’s neighbors was a drummer boy for General Washington during the revolutionary war.

That’s my first memory of my maternal grandmother.  To this day, cemeteries hold a strange allure for me and I adore deep midnight bearded irises.

By the time I accompanied mom to the cemetery on that Memorial Day, Grandma Lucy had been dead 20 years.

Grandma Lucy was a woman of strength.  Lucy Anna Crowe had been raised on a farm in Bowling Green, KY.  At around 13 years, she broke her hip.  She didn’t pay any mind to the doctor who ordered her to stay in a horse sling to help the hip set properly.  Lucy’s mom didn’t pay much mind to her healing daughter.  Lucy’s mom was trying to keep up with the other 9 kids.  As a consequence, Grandma Lucy always wore a built-up shoe to compensate for the shorter leg.

Lucy married Robert William Wall in 1917.  Robert William contracted a horrible bacterial infection from the Army’s communal innolucation needle.  He succumbed to this infection in the early 1930’s.  He left Lucy to raise 4 very young children during the depression.  As a crippled widow, she somehow kept 4 little ones this side of hungry.

She took in laundry, sold handmade quilts, and was humble enough to accept help when offered from the women at her Methodist church.  She also took in boarders.  She received no compensation from the Army.

When WWII broke out, all three of her sons went to war.  All three came home, too.

Someday, I will meet my grandma Lucy.  What a wonderful reunion it will be.  Although, I never met her, I know her.  Grandma Lucy died when my mom was 26.  20 years later, mom spoke of her almost daily.

I know her because I watched my own mom tackle nearly any problem head on.  How could you not learn courage from a crippled widow who kept you clothed, fed, and sheltered during the worst depression in history?

I first learned the power of faith because of Grandma’s lucite mustard seed necklace.  Mom described the meaning behind the clear little ball and it’s occupant seed with the verse in Matthew.  “…truly I tell you (says Jesus) if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you,” Matthew 17:20.

I’m blessed to have inherited her black hair, blue eyes, lucite mustard seed necklace and maybe a little bit of her spunk.  But, I’m most blessed to have witnessed through my mother’s eyes that life doesn’t have to be easy to be full of deep seated joy and even laughter.

We will be but vapors someday.  However, the mist of our influence can waft through generations.  Consider the legacy you will be leaving.

1952, Grandma Lucy's last Mother's Day.
Lucy is wearing a hat and a Mother's Day corsage.
My mother, Mary, with corsage, is standing on Grandma's left.

(The "Mustard Seed Faith" graphic shown above is an actual photo of grandma Lucy's necklace.  I wear it a lot.)