Let's enjoy a swim in the Tidepool and share laughs and tears about how these struggles have shaped

Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Effort of Ecstasy

I’d like to tell you climaxing is effortless, but you already know that it’s not.  There are days when reaching orgasm is like a breathy, halted journey across a swinging rope bridge.   It’s exciting and gets your adrenaline pumping, but it takes diligence, courage and playful work on your part.  And that’s OK.

The soul of the diligent is richly supplied,” Proverbs 13:4.

Playfulness is the point of lovemaking, not orgasm.  Focus on sensations with no expectation.

It’s good to have knowledge of different sensations that you enjoy.  If you find one sensation isn’t ramping up the arousal, switch to something else.  Then, come back to it, if you want.  Orgasm is about firing up as many nerves as possible.  Use the entire orchestra, not just the soloist.

Remember, God created orgasm.   Every generous act and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights; with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning,” James 1:17.

These next few items can help anyone who struggles with orgasm, but are geared toward the woman who is pre-orgasmic and is working toward her first O.  

Choose the right time of the month
In an ultrasound study by Cesare Battaglia, the dorsal clitoral artery was found to have a better flow of blood depending on the woman’s menstrual cycle.  It was shown that there was an increasing blood volume to the clitoris between day 3 until about day 14.  From day 14 until day 20 the blood volume held steady and then started to decline.  The greater blood flow means greater oxygenation to the clitoral nerves and greater ability to cause the divine spark.

Daily clenching and unclenching your pc muscles (i.e. doing your Kegels). 
There are many benefits of toned pelvic floor.  Clenching and unclenching before and during a rendezvous can help coax an orgasm. 

If you read through the Exquisite Clitoris, you know that there is a complex network of clitoral tissue.  This clitoral tissue is sandwiched between your pelvic floor muscles.  So, when you clench and unclench you are directly manipulating your female erectile tissue.

As you clench and release, you may feel a nice sensation.  To double the sensation, try crossing your legs, then clench/release. 

Lots of foreplay(See How a Husband Can Help)  Arousal is the key to orgasm.

Lots of Lubricant (coconut oil is very nice and cheap).

Relax your throat and open your mouth slightly (smile)! 
This helps your entire body relax.  Don’t forget to breathe, especially if things are starting to build.  Don’t hold your breath.  You need the oxygen to keep your nerves on fire.

Don’t be afraid to coach your husband. 
You’ll be able to best coach him if you’ve already discovered your sensitive zones by previous exploration, even achieving orgasm by yourself (See O Exploration).  He can’t read your mind. He wants you to gently tell him what feels good and what doesn’t.  If your orgasm is his goal, too, he will not be insulted.  He will be elated that you are taking an active part in finding your climax.

Orgasm is described as ‘falling off the edge. 
One theory of achieving orgasm is to tease to high arousal and then back off.  You are brought to the edge through clitoral stimulation and then slow down or cease physical stimulation, only to begin building again.  If you aren’t having luck with continuous stimulation, this may be worth a shot.  Use differing types of touch; strokes, circles, taps, etc.

Eventually, you reach the precipice and there is no backing off anymore.

For the lady with O-potential, clitoral stimulation is going to be the best bet to achieve your first orgasm.  You may want to consider oral sex. 

I know, I know…..relax.  Just think about it.  (See Forgiven Wife: Do I Have To?)

Arching your back. 
As the tension builds and it feels like you nearly can’t stand it in a good way, some women find it is easier to entice an orgasm by arching their backs.  This can help you position the anterior (front) of your vaginal wall to experience more direct stimulation (See Delightful Urethral Sponge).  Here’s the caveat, don’t tense up the rest of your body while arching!

Lengthening your spine
During the arousal process, sometimes it is helpful to continue stimulation, while you lay back, tilt your chin up slightly and relax.  Imagine a ribbon running through your spine and out the top of your head.  Imagine pulling ever so slightly on the ribbon to decompress your spine.  Again, don’t tense up the rest of your body. 

Advanced technique:  Arch your back while lengthening your spine and staying relaxed.  (i.e. hop on one foot, rub you tummy and pat your head.)

Don’t empty your bladder.  Some women find it helpful to start with a bladder that is not empty, but not full, either.  A bladder in this state will be larger than when empty.  This gives the urethral sponge and inner clitoral network something to push against. 

This isn’t helpful for all women, so it depends on the woman.  If you have a problem with UTI’s, do not attempt this.  You should urinate before and after sexual activity to flush the microbes.

Some women say they feel like they have to pee when highly sexually aroused. What I suspect is this has to do with female ejaculation (See Delightful Urethral Sponge).  If your bladder wasn’t full to begin with, you probably are not going to urinate.  Ride through the urge and see what happens.  You could be very happy with the outcome.

Surf through all of this with no expectations.  Just feel the sensations and relax.

What does it feel like to approach orgasm?
You are sitting on the runway in a jet, next for takeoff.  In moments, you’ll rocket to the end of the tarmac.  You’re a little edgy.  You want to relax, but there’s just a bit of adrenaline rippling through your veins.

The pilot finally accelerates.  The forward thrust pushes you into the back of your seat.  You breathe deeply and grip the armrest.

The plane bullets toward lift-off.  Adrenaline is still surging.  Your heart is racing a little faster now.  You try to calm and think happy thoughts.

You tell yourself to relax and try to release muscle tension.  There’s still uncertainty, will you lift-off the ground?  The tension doesn’t quite leave and you are getting closer and closer to the end of the run-way.  You realize you are holding your breath and you exhale just as you feel the wheels leave the ground. 

For several seconds, you live in this place between being fully relaxed and still very tightly wound.  And then finally in an explosion of relief, you know that you are sailing safely through the air.

Final thoughts
Playful practice makes perfect.
No expectations, just work toward being fully aroused.
Then, take a trip to the airport.  ;)

If anorgasmia burdens your heart, please let me pray for you.  Pearlmail3@gmail.com.

Also sharing with Calm.Healthy.Sexy.

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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Music for the Sensual Bedroom

Bedroom Soundtracks
Offering you samples of eclectic music
to enjoy and consider for your personal lovemaking playlist:

Skyrim: Lindsey Stirling and Peter Hollens

I am sorry if some devices won't open the video clip.  Here is the link:

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Newlywed Advice from 26 of my friends

Newlyweds, 26 of my friends share from life experience what keeps the romance alive.  

I asked my eclectic (divorced, married, single, old, young) set of friends on facebook, “What one bit of advice would you give to Newlyweds to keep things spicy in the years to come?” 

Here are their unedited answers.  I’ve made comments in italics under some of them.

Live every day like newlyweds, even after 10 or 20 years.
Ok, I get the gist behind this statement.  I value the friend who suggested it.  The next question would be HOW do you continue to live like newlyweds?  Practical suggestions found from other friends below.

Suprise one another. Take time for one another, plan dates and stick to them. Make each other a priority, even over the kids, at least once a week.

Keep it passionate beyond the bedroom.

Don't cheat on each other.  Once it's done there's no going back and it's never the same.  Live up to the values you said to each other everyday (ps she's always right even when she's wrong lol)

Make time for each other. Also, put little surprise notes everywhere. The little things are the things that are remembered the most.

Be best friends
I’ve always had a hard time with this one.  Because, relating with your spouse is different than relating with a same sex friend.  Husbands won’t necessarily be a ‘girlfriend’ to shop with and paint toes.  But, he does need to be the one you discuss deep things with, get advice from, accept/give help and have fun with more than anyone else.

Keep laughing

If and when you argue, don’t talk badly about each other to family and friends.

Get rid of expectations.  They can ruin the joy of, ‘what is.’
So true.  Neither of you are the perfect romantic ideal of what you thought as newlyweds.  But, in order to keep the newlywed feeling going, you have to accept them with their imperfections.  His dirty laundry sits on the floor a day or two, so?  At least he takes the laundry to the laundry room and even puts in a load or two.

Some personal habits need to be kept private, using the bathroom, shaving legs, etc.
This depends on the couple, but do be sensitive to this.  Familiarity can smother romance, but familiarity can breed romance, too.  Being very comfortable with each other is a good thing, like showering together.  Keep an open dialogue to know where your mutual line is.

Pamper your wife.

Look into each others eyes when you talk, really connect when you are telling each other how you feel.
Eye contact is very important.  Take the time to acknowledge each other with this little, but important, action.

The grass is greener where you water it.
Water your marriage with time, be interested in what your spouse is doing, ask questions, engage.  Don’t just pass each other in the hallway and grunt.

Continue to date

Learn each other the best you can, respect and love each other enough to give what the other needs...gladly.

Put God first. Be selfless and try to out serve each other. Continue to develop a deeper friendship with each other. Make time to be alone and have fun together. Weekly date night. A getaway at least once a year with just the two of you. Learn each other's love language. Oh sorry, lol you said ONE.

Always put each other first.
Serving others is important, but not at the expense of your family, especially your spouse.  Serving took a precedence over my husband/family at one time.  I was out of balance. 

Remember to go out on date night.

Never take each other for granted. ... live every day like is the last with each other.   Love like there is no tomorrow.

Always look good and keep the surprises going.

Never stop talking.

Take a break from each other once in a while to remember and honor that you are an individual with strengths all your own, and you'll have more to share with them.
I understand what is being said here.  You possess God-given talents.  You are valuable, apart from your spouse.  However, ‘taking a break’ depends on your circumstance.  If a husband travels for business, further time apart can be detrimental, even if it’s ‘once in awhile.’  For me, personally, I needed more time with my husband without the kids around than anything else.
Openly discuss each others likes/dislikes in your sex life. Be open to try new things and pray together for each other and your marriage.

Never stop dating!

Life isn't about being right; admit when you are wrong, apologize sincerely and learn from the experience. Wish I knew "then" what I know now....

Cherish, communicate, compromise, and Christ.

What practical bit of advice do you wish you’d known as a newlywed? Please tell me in the comments.  Thanks!

Messy Marriage

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Thursday, August 14, 2014

Create the Atmosphere for Orgasm

As I’ve mentioned multiple times, orgasm is not essential to lovemaking.  However, if you are a low sexual desire wife, being able to orgasm is a lovely perk.  For the pre-orgasmic wife, there are wonderful things awaiting.

The Task at Hand.
God supplies each of us with tasks.  I used to think these tasks were only outward jobs to perform to help reach people for Christ.  Now, I see our tasks are equally inward.  

And some of these tasks do not fit into what a Christian typically thinks of as godly.

Pursuing an orgasm is commendable when your fears and insecurities are surrendered to God.   It is godly when you fill the empty spot that fear left with trust to be a part of the marriage bed.  Surrender is an act of worship, because you are saying, ‘none of me and all of you, I have faith you know what is best, Lord.’

It was very confusing for me to understand God was asking me to pursue sexual intimacy and orgasm.  Really God?  Isn’t that unproductive?!  I could be accomplishing so much more for the kingdom outside of the bedroom.

While God chiseled away my stubbornness, he prepared my heart for a revelation.  Sexual intimacy is a spiritual and emotional experience, not just physical.

The Holy Spirit brought a peace into my heart as I tried to understand God’s message.  Maybe my husband’s most intimate conversation is through sex not words?!  Wasn’t I craving and praying for a better connection with my husband?

God gave me the task of embracing sexual intimacy because it makes me slow down and play.  He is helping me balance personally, as well as, connect powerfully with my husband.  There is a time to laugh and there is a time to make love as well as a time to plant and a time to construct.

(Disclaimer:  I’m not saying putting yourself aside for anything degrading or abusive.  The marriage bed should never e.v.e.r involve something that goes against God’s plan.

My assumption here is that you have a kindhearted man.  He tries to show you the love of 1 Corinthians 13, but sometimes his sexual frustration comes through as grumpiness.)

Back to the task at hand:  Our ability to orgasm is knitted with an emotional thread.  With that in mind, here are some of my thoughts on how to create an atmosphere for orgasm:

Call the Holy Spirit into one of the most hidden parts of your life, your marriage bed.  Pray for true intimacy to overtake you and your husband, spiritual, emotional and physical.  Allow the peace that passes all understanding to wash over you.  Pray that God will increase your faith in His perfect design of marriage, which includes sexual intimacy.

Find a Trusted Friend to Pray with You
Does your orgasm struggle weigh on your heart?  I will be happy to pray for you!  Also, find a Christian wife (friend/mentor or counselor) to talk with.  This is very delicate information and you need to be discerning in your confidante.  Let her share your struggle.  Let her pray over you.  And if you laugh about it a little, that’s OK.

Speaking of joking…
As I told the husbands last week, orgasm is not the goal of a lovemaking session, playfulness is.  There’s nothing playful about pressure.  If y’all have had some foul plays of pressure, wash those memories out of your minds.

Come to the bedroom with a cute pick-up line or a corny joke to lighten the mood.  Look up jokes on the internet if you are not comically inclined. 

A couple of my personal favs: 
“Did it hurt?”  “When?”  “When you fell from heaven.” 
Or “Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead.” 
Or “Is your name Faith?  Cause you’re the substance of things I’ve hoped for.”

Fresh Starts
Clean Slate.  Do-Over.  Maybe there are some attempts that would best be purged from the database.  Every encounter is a new moment.

You have your entire life to find an orgasm.  Be patient.  Don’t worry about your husband either, he is going to get the fringe benefit of all the ‘jam sessions.’  He doesn’t care how long it takes.

It Takes Practice
You know that liquid inky eyeliner?  I tried it.  I looked like Uncle Fester by the time I got done smearing that stuff under my eyes.  It took me weeks to realize I just needed to go back to a pencil liner.

OK, that’s not a good example, but you get what I’m saying.  It takes practice to hone any skill.  And reaching orgasm can be considered a skill.

You don’t have to be a natural, you have to be willing and 45 minutes.

Act like you have the body your husband says you have.
Remember Fresh Start?  Well, clear your mind of what you hate about your body.  Doesn’t your husband love your body?  Make love believing what your husband says is true.  Act like you have the body you’ve always wanted.

Heightened Body Awareness
Tune into your body.  Practice by massaging lotion onto your freshly shaven leg and be aware of the nerves firing and how your brain registers the smooth strokes of lotion application.  Now, later in the day, replay those sensations in your mind.

Each bedroom experience, find one sensation that felt really good.  The next session, find another sensation.  Replay those sensations in your brain daily until you make love again.

You are learning to play the instruments of the orgasm orchestra.  Your Beethoven’s 5th will finally pop after much practice.

Explore all of your territory.  However, don’t worry about anything other than clitoral orgasm.  The other types of orgasms will be discussed in my upcoming 'advanced class.'

Inhibition – let it go.
In your mind, return to grade school.  You’ve been antsy all day and cannot wait for recess.  It is painful how slow the day is going.  Finally the recess bell rings!!!  Remember how free you felt?  And how much noise you made yelling at your friends and screaming with laughter?

Pretend the recess bell just rang.  Give yourself permission to make love with abandon.  You don’t care what you look like.  You don’t compose your face.  You let the good feelings contort every muscle!!!  Don’t hold back your sounds.  It’s so awesome because you are getting to have recess with your very best friend.  And he loves what you look like naked.

What can you add to this list to help create an atmosphere for orgasm?  Your input is invaluable!

Join me next Thursday, for the Effort of Ecstasy (Do I Make It Happen or Do We?).  I will lay down some helpful physical hints to help you orgasm.  Real maneuvers that can aid the explosion.

Intimacyinmarriage with Julie Sibert has a great list of orgasm posts by her and other Marriage Bloggers.

Sharing with Gaye at CalmHealthySexy, Let's Get Real Party

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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Bedroom Soundtracks: A Consideration for Yours

Bedroom Soundtracks
To enjoy and consider for your personal playlist.
Joe Bonamassa:  Rhythm and Blues

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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Think Yourself Steamy

NYTime columnist, Daniel Bergner, speaking with Adriaan Tuiten, a Dutch scientist, regarding female desire: 
“This interplay of experience and neural pathways is widely known as neuroplasticity. The brain is ever altering. And it is neuroplasticity that may help explain why hypoactive sexual desire disorder {low libido} is a mostly female condition, why it seems that women, more than men, lose interest in having sex with their long-term partners.” 
“If boys and men tend to take in messages that manhood is defined by sex and power, and those messages encourage them to think about sex often, then those neural networks associated with desire will be regularly activated and will become stronger over time.” 
“If women, generally speaking, learn other lessons, that sexual desire and expression are not necessarily positive, and if therefore they don’t think as much about sex, then those same neural networks will be less stimulated and comparatively weak.” 
The more robust the neural pathways of eros, the more prone you are to feel lust at home, even as stimuli dissipate with familiarity and habit. 
In other words, young girls hear messages that sex is bad or a no-no in an effort to keep them on the path of sexual integrity.  Their brains accept this as 'truth' while they become women and wives.  Because they do not associate sex in a positive frame of mind, their brain reinforces this by having weak paths to sexual desire.

The awesome message of this paragraph is in the second sentence.  Your brain is changing all the time.  You can change your brain.  

Science says, think about sex with your husband as good and you can change your neural wiring to help you experience more sexual desire.

Can you think your way to sexual desire?  Yes. 

I have been writing about marital sexual intimacy for nearly 3 years.  Many times throughout the week, I focus on sexual information.  Some thoughts are as bland as chemical molecule diagrams and some are steamy thoughts of my husband.  But, all thoughts have a positive bias that sex is good and part of God’s perfect design.

This rewires my brain to say sex = good!

The very last statement of the paragraph means:  As wives, once the initial hormonal explosion of romantic love quells into stability, the message ‘sex is bad’ returns, unless, we purposefully change our thoughts to say sex = good.  When we view sex as positive this will strengthen the paths toward desire.

What if it’s too hard to think about sex in a positive light?  Baby steps work.

Capture all the negative thoughts about sex and reframe them to be at least neutral.
“I don’t mind when my husband touches the nape of my neck.”
“It may be a little messy, but I have a towel close by.”
“I guess I look OK to him.”

Try to have neutral thoughts daily about sexual intimacy.

In a few weeks, you can make stronger positive statements. 
“I think I would like some full body contact the next time we hug.”
“Maybe when he says I’m hott, he really means it.”
“I liked it when he touched me there last time.”
“I might not mind being sexual with my husband if he seems interested.”

Try to have positive thoughts daily about sexual intimacy.

In a few more weeks, you may even think, “I kind of feel like having a steamy rendezvous tonight.”

Give it a try and let me know how it works out.

Messy Marriage
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Friday, August 8, 2014

How A Husband Can Help

All wives are unique and wonderful, but some have not yet achieved orgasm or have a very difficult time with arousal.  Here is my advice for husbands of beautiful nearly-there women.

After yesterday's post, I know y’all are waiting for me to unveil the secret to end all secrets.  The one technique that will leave her a quivering heap.  It ain’t like that.  The path to a wife’s orgasm is through her cranium not her clitoris.

I’ve seen some interesting theories on how to bring a woman to ecstacy.  But, if an idea doesn’t involve her heart, there’s no way a shy orgasm is going to be coaxed on stage.  Anorgasmic women do not function well feeling emotional pressure or time pressure or physically coerced.  

Change the focus from orgasm to playfulness.  And find a time to play when there is little on the schedule (good luck with that, right?)

If women do orgasm, it’ll be through the 80/10/10 rule.

It’s 80% connection with you outside of the bedroom.

Cultivate your spiritual intimacy.  Pray together.  Pray for her.  Make it a priority to go to church each week.  Read the Bible together.  Let her see you loving her as Jesus. 

She’s afraid she doesn’t measure up.  When she understands that you accept her with all her flaws, and in spite of the flaws, you think she is completely and utterly amazing, she will be released from her own fears.  Then, she will be able to relax and start to see things from another perspective, yours.

This total acceptance will also help her heal if she has bad sexual experiences in her past that she is still trying to work through.  (If sexual pollution is a major part of her anorgasmia, I highly suggest finding a therapist.)

Cultivate your emotional intimacy.

I have talked and talked to my readers (low libido wives) about doing things that are counter-intuitive.  Sexual intimacy doesn’t make sense, Lord! 

I’d like to suggest there are counter-intuitive actions necessary from husbands, as well.   Here is an article that spells out what it means to connect emotionally.

Sometimes, there are things a husband or wife does that kills the spirit and keeps even the best attempt at emotional connection from working.  Here is an article that helps you understand how you may be sabotaging your best effort at emotionally connecting with your wife.

What can bring about orgasm is the same thing that can bring about more frequent sexual encounters, atmosphere of love and complete acceptance.
"So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love," 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 (the message).
Practical Ways to Show Love Daily
Speak with a nice tone of voice to her, always.
Make eye contact.
Never belittle, insult, or talk down to in public or private.
Wink at her in public.
Flirt, sweetly, not too much sexual innuendo until the atmosphere is warmer.
Ask her questions about what she thought, did, see, hear, etc…
Tell her she is beautiful daily.
Ask if she has one thing special you could help her with over the weekend.
Read the Love Language book together.
Look her in the eye and give her your undivided attention for at least 20 minutes a day, more if possible.
On your off hours, do more stuff with her than you do with anyone else.
If you travel for business, she must have your devotion on non-business-travel days.

Pray for God to reveal ways that will be especially meaningful to your wife.

10% is her body’s physical sensitivity.

OK, let’s say emotional and spiritual intimacy are not a problem.  You have lots of non-sexual affection in your marriage.  She is receptive to lovemaking sessions, but still hasn’t reach the big O.

Touch is very very important.  It gets her nerves firing.  Even before the clothing is off, you can linger over some highly sensitive places during the day with soft kisses or a gentle brush.  Skin is thin in the following places and easier to stimulate.
The back of the neck
The ears (whisper sweet things in her ear through the day)
The back of the knees
The small of the back at the tailbone
Inside the elbow
The scalp
The clavicle

Once clothes are off, pay special attention to the feet and the entire length of the spine, from the nape of the neck to the dimple above the booty crease.  Large nerves travel closer to the skin along the spine.  Kiss, lick, stroke, massage with lotion or oil.  

Don't forget the spot between the breasts.

Also, the navel is immensely erogenous.  During fetal development, the navel and the genitals were formed from the same tissue.  (See The Origin of Orgasm Tissue.)  The genital-navel connection can still exist in some people.  Loving on the navel can send a tickle straight down.

The ‘invisible touch’ can stand her hairs on end and is very non-threatening.  With a flat hand, pass over your wife’s skin just a fraction of an inch above it.  It’s tantalizing and builds tension.

Tension leads to arousal.  Arousal is the key to finding orgasm.  Send her nerves firing by looking in her eyes with adoration and telling her the she's God's blessing to you.

10% lovemaking technique.

Orgasm is only going to occur when she is highly aroused and her brain has turned OFF.  High arousal will help her forget what’s in the hallway on the other side of the bedroom door.  She will focus on the conclusion.

Be a student of your wife outside of the bedroom.  Does she love a pedicure?  Then send her with a gift certificate to get one and then concentrate on her feet in the bedroom that night.  Be creative.  Play her favorite music.  Create a playlist of sensual music that transitions into more rhythmic music.  Wear the fragrance she likes on you.  Wear a bowtie.  Creating the setting for your playground is considered a lovemaking technique.

Talk about her sensations (good and bad) while outside of the bedroom.  Don't be afraid to think outside of the box (a box that you both agree upon) in experimenting with sensations.  Maybe it seems like a certain action should be slow, but fast will be more effective.   Remember counter-intuitive?  

Don't go for 'the goods' immediately, come in for a landing very slowly.  Approach her breasts and nipples after she is adequately warm.  Build even more tension by not approaching her female bits until she is very steamy.  Remember lubrication and gazing into her beautiful eyes.  (If she refuses lights to make it possible to see her, ask if she will allow a small tealight candle so you can see her eyes.)

Don't forget to tell her how beautiful she is while you are making love.

Your confidence helps her relax and arouse.  Have confidence in the love you have for her.  Have confidence God created sexual intimacy and really wants you to keep practicing.  Remember Keep Knocking, Keep Seeking, Keep building tension.

Final Thoughts

Warm her up with truth!  She is the only girl you ever want to be with.  It’s not the act that is so important, as who you are doing the act with.  Again, this goes back to her fear of inadequacy.  And if you watch porn, stop it!  Because that feeds into her fear of inadequacy and hurts you and your marriage in so many ways.

Remember, emotional, spiritual and physical arousal is the key to finding orgasm.

Arousal is conceived and nurtured when connecting with your spouse spiritually and emotionally.  Arousal grows in intensity with flirting and touch.

Everything in life vanishes when the ache of arousal is intense enough.  That’s the point where you have to bring her to help her achieve orgasm.

Also, search The Marriage Bed Forums for specific instructions on lovemaking actions (Oral sex, positions, toys, etc.)  

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