Week 23: Body Awareness

If you are just joining the Sex Drive Transformation Challenge, WELCOME and please see the INTRODUCTION HERE.

(Husbands, if you are reading, you are invited to pray these scriptures and thoughts over your wives.)


PROPRIOCEPTION:  The unconscious perception of movement and special orientation arising from stimuli within the body itself.

INTROCEPTION:  In neurophysiology, “…the physiological condition of the entire body and the ability of (the) visceral afferent (neurons’) information to reach awareness and affect behavior, either directly or indirectly,” Wikipedia.

PROPRIOCEPTION + INTROCEPTION = BODY AWARENESS

My first important encounter with body awareness was in 1987.

Son #1 was born organically. “Without the aid of pesticides?” you ask.  No, without the aid of DRUGS.  It was natural childbirth by default.  The little hippie hospital where he was born didn’t offer epidurals or anesthesia unless you needed a C-section.  After the first 5 minutes of ptosin induced labor, I would have killed for a long needle in my spine injecting narcotics.

I wanted to support the pharmaceutical industry on the occasion of my first experience with childbirth.  But, alas, since it was clear from the first doctor’s appointment it would not be so, I begrudgingly attended Lamaze class.

What I put into practice that sunny September 14^th was finding my focal point during the contractions.  My focal point wasn’t a postcard from Cancun or a teddy bear.  It was inside my eyelids.

I shut my eyes as each contraction brutally seized my inward focus.  Somehow the Lamaze training kicked in.  It was amazing how the Lord's hand was tangibly present.  In spite of not remembering whether it was time to pant or ‘Ha,’ I located the immense will to relax every fiber outside of my uterus. 

Internal focus served me well that day.  It can serve you well, too. 

You can use body awareness to help describe symptoms so the doctor can diagnose an ailment.  You can also use body awareness to enhance your libido.

Libido’s biggest organ is the brain, but the second biggest ‘organ’ is our body.   Perceiving the world mostly through what’s above our necks, it’s easy to forget about this body we carry around. 

(It’s important to understand body awareness has nothing to do with body image.  Body awareness is about what’s below eye level, inside our skin.)

Being body aware helps inward focus on the pleasure of sexual intimacy during a rendezvous.  (Of course, let hubby know if there is ever any pain and adjust accordingly.)

Focusing your body awareness during lovemaking helps the multi-tasking female brain to quiet.  Intentional inward attention can dissolve the cares of the day into a mist.

Never contemplated Body Awareness before?

Here’s a yoga type exercise that may help facilitate your Body Awareness:  http://www.huggermugger.com/blog/2012/nadi-shodhana-2/

or similar thoughts at Psychology Today:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-wise-brain/201305/be-the-body

Dance is a way to enhance body awareness, especially when you dance to express your emotions.  “Dance to express, not impress,”

Exercise helps you understand body awareness.  (Gaye at www.calmhealthysexy.com is a great advocate of exercise and all of its sexual benefits; health, function, and pleasure.  I agree with her exercise philosophy wholeheartedly.  Check her out!)

Massage is another way to promote body awareness.  It helps you take notice of the correlation between muscles, touch and relaxation.

Body awareness is considered a sixth sense by scientists.  Neurologically, body awareness has been defined as residing in the parietal lobe of the brain.  The parietal lobe is where the other 5 senses (sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste) are seated, as well.

There is proven incidences of the other senses heightening libido (certain sights, foods, smells, touch).  Why couldn’t there also be a brain libido factor with body awareness?

WEEK 23

“This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones:  I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life,” Ezekiel 37:5.

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, whom you have received from God?....So use every part of your body to give glory back to God…” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

Positive Affirmation (perceive)

I perceive my inner physical being and delight in it.  I perceive the God ordained sexually intimacy and it is glorifying God to bond with my husband through sexually intimacy.

Reception Essentials?

At the most recent June wedding we attended, I was brought to tears by a tenor when he hit the high note in Mollette’s arrangement of “The Lord’s Prayer.”  My goosebumps continued when the bells of the cathedral chimed for the newly minted “Mr. & Mrs.” 

We retired to a reception at the local country club.  Little white lights twinkled and the menus were written on chalk boards.  

The shrimp and crab cakes dissolved into blissful mouthfuls.  An acclaimed regional band played beach music.

May the newlyweds find their path ahead filled with delectable scallops all the days of their life.  Symbolically, of course.  I love them and their respective sets of parents dearly.  We were truly delighted to be partaking in the family's blessing.

Many couples only aspire to this kind of magnificence to christen their union.

And so, I’m taking this opportunity to expound on my personal and somewhat counter-cultural philosophy regarding the post-altar event.

I am all over a celebration, especially when you are joyously surrounded by the dearest people of your life.  Savor the moment, because the next time such a precious crowd gathers might be at your funeral (or when your winning Powerball ticket is announced). 

Society’s  ‘Affluenza,'  Disney, and bridal shows on cable tv have created Reception Mania for the Princess Bride.  It’s very good for the local economy.  But, it sets up unrealistic expectations for many little girls and some boys, too.

Who says one last hurrah for the soon-to-be-dirt-poor couple is such a bad thing…..???  If no one is taking out a loan to boogie, then enjoy!!

Savor the shining moment of romance.  But, the wedding reception isn’t what really matters.

The days AFTER the wedding are what matter.  What matters is how you hone your life.  Sharpen your wisdom daily with the sword of God’s Word.  What matters is how you both embody the servant nature of Christ, let the Holy Spirit work in your heart and live it out in your marriage.

(And to be fair, the couple from this weekend understands this.)

All of us look back upon our weddings with sweet nostalgia.  I'm not slamming receptions.  I'm trying to encourage where the focal point should be.  

The ceremony and its accouterments hold no indication or guarantee of future marital happiness.

Will you spend the majority of your pre-ceremony energy recreating your pinterest findings or in grabbing a marital advantage through the following list?

~Discuss what your faith will look like as a couple.

~Get pre-marital counseling (I would recommend from a pastor/minister with counseling education in their background, not all pastors/ministers have this)

~Read books like the ones in the­_generous_wife’s marriage library.

~Find a seasoned married pair who have fun being together and start a conversation.

~Find a divorced person and start a conversation about marriage.

~Celebrate your sexual union by reading things like: Preparing for the Wedding Night (hotholyhumorous.com)

future marital happiness is not always intuitive and definitely not dependent on a buffet line.

Unhinged

My father is not doing well.  Oct. 2011, he had a quadruple bypass.  Within days of surgery, he had a massive stroke.  His left side is now paralyzed.  Fortunately, he retained his memories, intellect and his wit to keep his nursing staff entertained.  

Since Memorial Day, he has had some major setbacks and currently is in ICU.  Please, dear friends, lift up my papa in prayer for comfort and peace.

Dad has always been a churchgoing man and a servant.  For the latter part of his life, the Holy Spirit has been knocking on the door of dad's heart.  Recently, dad took steps to reconfirm his faith.  He is at spiritual peace.

I am resting in the comfort of my father's faith in a faithful God.  Our life on earth is just a pilgrimage.  Even with this knowledge, I'm a bit of a mess.  Being hundreds of miles away from him, I'm helpless to assist in any way.  But, I can pray.

On a good day, I'm a.d.d. (no caps).  On a more frustrating day, I'm A.D.D. (all caps).  But, right now I have nearly no ability to focus.

I recognize this weird mental state from when my mom passed 5 years ago.  I know we all deal with grief differently.  For me, it's a strange sensitivity.  I'm sad, yes.  But, there is more.  

I feel like I'm loaded with the potential to explode at the least provocation or collapse from the smallest breeze of adversity or even cackle maniacally.  My usual strong sunny disposition is fragile and gloomy, unsettled, even unhinged.

My husband, Dave, is being extremely loving and compassionate.  I frequently find solace in his hugs where I nuzzle in and have a perfect fit.   Dave understands.  Heaven gained a wonderful woman last summer, his mama.

But, my complete solace rests in Jesus.  I will find my rest and unburden my unhinged mind through prayer.  I will be still and wait on the Lord.  It's at times like these that my subconscious coping method is to go into emotional neutral.  I don't feel emotions acutely until later.  For that, I'm grateful.

However you deal with the crisis of life cycles, let it first begin with Jesus and the Word of God.

I may be a bit distant from the OysterBed for a brief season.  Weekly sex drive transformation challenges will be routinely posted.  

Thankfully, you and I have many wonderful blogger friends writing to encourage your marriage.  

So, don't miss me......OK, maybe I want you to miss me a little.  ;)

To read more about my papa, see Those I Salute

Sex Drive Transformation: Week 22

If you are just joining the Sex Drive Transformation Challenge, WELCOME and please see the INTRODUCTION HERE.

(Husbands, if you are reading, you are invited to pray these scriptures and thoughts over your wives.)

A puppy-faced, adolescent grey male seal is hanging out on the beach where my son lifeguards.  The seal is moulting, exchanging a winter coat for something cooler.

He’s the first on record to ever travel this far south.

He’s a ragamuffin.  Even in his disheveled and denuded state, he’s still a tad bit more regal than a Chinese crested dog.  (no offense to CC owners….)

My son said the seal doesn’t do much, ‘It takes a lot of energy to moult.  So, he just lays there.’  Subconsciously, the pup is directing his physical energy to a necessary process.

All change requires energy.

The emotional and physical effort expended to create transformation within a marriage can be overwhelming.  What an expenditure if you are a low libido spouse taking the challenge seriously to ramp up the sexual connection!  But, it’s so worth it!

Directing energy toward libido enhancement may mean you exercise more, spend more time with your husband, or spend more time in Bible study.  But, there’s a trade off in your schedule.  You only have so much time in a day.   With your shift in priorities, there will be a shift in where you spend your time. 

We can’t all take a time out from the world like this seal pup to moult.

For libido renovation, shed activities that don’t enhance your marriage

I adore my sisters in music, the ladies I sing with in my barbershop troupe.  Sometimes, they do movies nights or dinners out together.  Since Mr. Muscle travels extensively for business, when he is home he gets my focus.  I forgo the girlfriend outings to firm up the connection between the two of us.  The last time I declined an invitation a comment was made, “Don’t you love us?”  I told them, “Of course, I love you all.  But, I love my husband more.”

How do you decide which projects to shed so that energy can be focused for libido renovation?  I think the bottom line is asking, ‘Does this honor the Lord?’  If all things honor the Lord, then start down the priority list.  If you are in the midst of libido renovation, your first priority will be your hunk-of-a-spouse.

WEEK 22

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is,” Ephesians 5:15-17.

Positive Affirmation

I shed any guilt about not participating in extra activities that occupy my time and don’t build up my marriage.  I shed negative beliefs I have about sexual intimacy.  I exude sexual energy.  I fully accept that sexual intimacy is God-ordained.

Those I Salute

I finally read Tom Brokaw’s book, The Greatest Generation.  It gives honor to the humble and hardworking who survived the great depression and then fought a major World War.  This generation has insight into life’s priorities that few of us garner.  It was the outcome of much deprivation and self-sacrifice for the greater good.

Each Greatest Generation vignette was a replica of the chapters I heard in real life.  Dad was active in the veteran organization, Submarine Vets of WWII.  I attended an occasional function.  By the time I was able to soak up the living history, WWII had been over for 35 years.  Enough years had passed that the extreme emotions associated with war memories had receded.  WWII vets were starting to talk about their experiences.  I was on the front lines to hear their stories.

But, there are other great heroes in my eyes that come from a later generation.  Hear me out….

In May 2008, the new, sleek, black submarine, USS North Carolina, was christened at the Wilmington, NC, seaport, just two miles from my home.  Tickets for this event were procured through Wilmington’s local subvets chapter.  I explained the situation of my father’s service in WWII and his recent widower-hood.

We had a vellum, white Washington DC invitation in the mailbox within days.

As an added honor, the WWII vets were allowed to tour this nuclear submarine the night before the christening.  At the time of the tour, my dad met her Captain, Mark Davis. 

The day of the christening, armed homeland security guards were heavily present.  Hundreds of people attended.  Dad and I were just a speck in the crowd.

Fast forward one year.  My husband and I, by coincidence, met the same naval captain, Mark Davis, and his wife at a social event in Wilmington.

I was ecstatic.  In my less than mild manner, I explained to CAPT Davis and his wife that my dad was a WWII vet and he had toured USS NC the day before the christening in 2008.  Captain & Mrs. Davis were so very gracious to patiently listen to my stuttering.  My heart warmed even more because of their appreciation of my father’s service.

Captain Davis took my father’s address and hand wrote a letter to him.  He commended my father’s patriotism.  When dad received that letter he was incredulous, “He called me a patriot!  I didn’t do anything but work in a dirty old engine room.”  Of course, like all the honorees in the Greatest Generation book, dad is self-depricating.  He just did his duty.  And to me and Mark Davis that makes my dad a patriot!

Captain Davis, Sir, I salute you for honoring an old man.  The time you took to write simple words in a letter made my father beam with pride.  It was a moment of happiness as he still endured the grief of my mom’s loss.

I also salute those who take the time to shake hands with the old guys who now don the WWII VET baseball cap.

Not long after dad received the letter, I escorted him to Hawaii to visit his 90 year old sister.  (It was too long of a journey for an 83 year old to do alone.  I'm full of self-sacrifice.)  Dad wore his WWII VET ballcap the entire journey through several airports.  I was surprised and thrilled at the great number of citizens, including children urged on by their parents, who stopped my father and shook his hand with thanks.  Normally socially shy, dad beamed and spoke with authority.

The affirmation and gratitude offered these men is due them and is consolation (if only a small bit)  on this side of the veil for their sacrifices.  The youngest of the WWII vets are in their late 80’s.  They won’t be with us for much longer.

Memorial Day is about honoring those who were lost due to combat.  Although, I speak of honoring the living, in honoring them we are also paying homage to their comrades who have fallen.

"Coincidence is just God remaining anonymous," Albert Einsten.

Thank you, my friends and readers, for obliging me to stray from OysterBed7’s normal focus.  If you would do my family the honor of praying for my father, he isn't doing well at the time of this writing.  Thank you from the depths of my heart.

Also see OysterBed7's 2012 Memorial Day Tribute:  FEISTY

My Parents

Just Talk

Bonding and building emotional libido with my guy was as simple as getting him to talk.....  Simple?  No, it wasn't simple.

He was not a talker.  He did not come from a family of big talkers.  I come from a family that never shuts up.

We built the skill together with a deck of conversation cards.  After a while, we didn't need the cards.  Another boon to our marriage was when Mr. Muscle became a member of the business development team (i.e. sales).   Now, he talks (and listens!) for a living and his skills have overflowed into our marriage.  :)

So, today, I want to point you to Lori Byerly (the_generous_wife.com).  She has generously developed 366 questions for your marital conversational pleasure.  May it overflow into emotional libido and bedroom pleasure, as well!

Click on the heart below and it will take you to the pdf.

Week 21: See the Hero in Your Husband

If you are just joining the Sex Drive Transformation Challenge, WELCOME and please see the INTRODUCTION HERE.

(Husbands, if you are reading, you are invited to pray these scriptures and thoughts over your wives.)

Even though men aren’t wired for communication like women, words are equally powerful to both sexes.

I truly believe spoken words hold huge power.  The words themselves don’t hold power.  It’s the speaker who projects their energy.  I don’t want to sound all mystical.  But, what comes out of our mouths can do SO MUCH GOOD.

Have you seen the hero in your husband lately?  If not, just look, because the hero is alive and well.  We just need to speak to the hero to coax him out of the phone booth.

Usually, it’s just a simple statement.  “You are my hero.”

My dad is a WWII vet, so he really is a hero.  When my mom told him he was her hero, I could visibly see transformation within his spirit.  He stood taller and was softened with humility and honor.  He was her hero partly because of his naval service, but mostly because:

He went to work every day.

He took care of home maintenance.

He was very affectionate (hugs and kisses).

He made time to do stuff with mom.

These weren’t extraordinary characteristics.  He was a simple guy.  He did average guy things.

Sure, I occasionally heard about the stuff mom wasn’t happy about.  No relationship is perfect.  But, she didn’t dwell on that.

Push aside the reasons that tarnish your mister’s hero status.  This Memorial Day Weekend tell the Superman who shares your bed 3 specifics of why he is your hero.  I have found when people speak positive words into my life, I work harder to be worthy of those words.  Your hero is worthy, let him know!

Not only will he stand taller, but you might need a reminder, too.

Part of our libido reclamation is being proud of who we married.  Positive feelings build libido.  Negative feelings do the exact opposite. 

Week 21

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen,” Ephesians 4:29.

 “So the Lord spoke kind and comforting words to the angel who talked with me,” Zechariah 1:12

Positive Affirmation (verb: celebrate)

I celebrate sexual intimacy with my husband.  I celebrate God-ordained sexual intimacy.  I celebrate that my sexual interest is increasing every day.