Let's enjoy a swim in the Tidepool and share laughs and tears about how these struggles have shaped

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Sample the Nectar


Two cultures came together that first Thanksgiving in 1621 to celebrate a harvest of not only food but relationship. 

Half of the English foreigners died from starvation the previous winter.  The foreigners laid aside their attitude of superiority to learn when the natives’ offered their successful farming techniques.

For a season, both cultures laid aside prejudice.  At the first Thanksgiving, both cultures came together to celebrate a Great Spirit that helped them survive with bounty. 

Gratefulness shared with others seals friendship.  What a celebration it must have been!

I am so grateful for the moments when we can lay aside our prejudice.  Thanksgiving to me is most about connection without pretense with our fellow man.

The opposite of prejudice isn’t tolerance, it’s humility.

Humility is Christ’s holiness within us.  I’ve always struggled with thinking I’m holy, even when Christ says I am.  Holy says divine and sacred to me.  Yes, Christ within me is divine and sacred.  However, nothing about my human self is divine or sacred, except the spark of life, which again is from God.

God shows me holiness feels like humility in my heart.  We are set apart.  We are set apart knowing that everyone needs to be loved, whether they seem like they ‘deserve’ it or not.

Sometimes humility comes from a little scolding when we get too big for our britches and are brought down a notch or two.  Or sometimes humility wells up out of love and compassion.  

Humility is looking at the dirty, homeless woman in the park and knowing she could teach you something.  She must have a brilliant creative streak.  She ingeniously lives on the streets.  Could I survive on the streets?  Probably not.

Humility is looking at the husband you are sometimes disgruntled with and seeing he could teach you something.  He has useful qualities you don’t have (and I don’t mean male plumbing).  Humility takes your heavy heart and makes it grateful for the talents of others.

When others have hard things to tell us, humility listens with safe, accepting ears.  Humility doesn’t listen for the right moment to attack.  Humility listens for the right moment to love.

Humility is knowing you have the power to unleash incredible good out of people.  This power comes from love.  The kind of love Christ showed.  He knew everyone had something wonderful inside of them.  He valued every quirk and weird behavior because he knew their hearts.  Christ saw a short adult man scurry up a tree.  This short little man was a con and maybe a bully.  Christ saw Zacchaeus’ heart and invited himself to Zacchaeus’ house.  Christ unleashed incredible good out of Zacchaeus that day when Zacchaeus pledged to never con again and pay four times over what he had stolen.

Be humble with yourself!  It’s OK to graciously acknowledge God gave you talents that others don’t have.  You have the power to unleash incredible good out of yourself.

Humility tastes like honey.  As low libido wives, it’s easy to look on the surface of sex where the bees live.  If we don’t look deep inside to see the honey, all we hear is the sting of, ‘he only wants me for one thing.’

Looking deep to see the honey is to understand that physical connection is how your husband’s heart embraces your essence.  It’s not easy to think about sex differently than you always have.  Even so, you have the choice to do so.

Once we see the honey, we can reach in with a fingertip and sample the nectar. 
Sexual intimacy isn’t something I have to do.  It’s something I choose to experience.  It’s something I choose to unwrap.  I choose to overcome my low libido nature with the divine help of the Holy Spirit.  If I hadn’t made the choice I wouldn’t be relishing the sweet happiness of melded hearts, as well as a beautiful physical experience.  And, as my good-willed husband sees me working to understand his nature, he begins to consider mine.

I pray connection without pretense with your loving man, especially since I realize sometimes it does feel like two foreign cultures trying to understand one another.  I pray the joy of celebration over you both.

Gratefulness and humility shared with your husband isn’t solely about sex.  However, I think sex is a part of a healthy marriage that celebrates what God designed.  I pray Thanksgiving in your bedrooms.


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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

For the Folksy Fiddlin' Bedroom





This week the United States celebrates a day known as, Thanksgiving.  Since not all my readers are from the United States, here’s a bit of history about the USA’s holiday of Thanksgiving.

Folksy Fiddlin' is the sound of Thanksgiving.  It conjures up jigs and reels of colonial days.  I imagine the first feast was full of celebration.  A happy violin player was probably among them.

Consider this my Thanksgiving Blessing to you.  I hope you find it a welcome addition to your bedroom playlist.



Some devices won't open the video.  Here's is the direct link:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOb-ZEd-ooA&index=12&list=PL1775qAjM_cnnsEv1A6vRB1F2fbVAn6Vv



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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Silver Linings....10 Unusual Things I Appreciate



Painting the Deck …. I spent several hours with my sons, in the quiet outdoors, painting our deck together.  We talked and laughed and at times, we were just silent.   I was sad when the project ended.  So, I’m thinking fishing may have the same feel.  We’ll give it a shot.

Learning Curves … When I finally grasp a new concept, I feel wonderful.  The best new concept I ever grasped was understanding the spiritual and emotional natures of sexual intimacy.  Recently, I’ve been grappling with blogging technology.

Sweat – I do not like to ‘glisten.’  However, it’s a sign I’m burning calories, keeping my cardio-vascular system pumping and my muscles engaged.  If I happen to be dancing, that’s an added bonus.  Plus, who knew that exercise truly ramps up your libido?  Yeah, sweat literally stinks, but I shower.

Dog Vomit & Out of Town Company – It appears just when I need that extra motivation to clean.

Water Bug/Roaches/Palmettos – Whatever you want to call them, I HATE them.  In the south, they are everywhere.  Fortunately, they are the perfect target for my frustrations.  I truly enjoy slamming the shoe down on their squishy bodies.  Plus, they help me help the local economy when I hire an exterminator.  Mr. Muscle and I used to have this agreement than anything over an inch long he would kill.  Anymore, my anger at them is more than my fear of them.

4:30 a.m. – Sometimes, this is when God nudges me awake.  I lay in bed and talk with him.

Magnolia Poop – We have this Magnolia tree that sheds a gazillion leaves TWICE a year.  The leaves are such a nuisance that when I tell Mr. Muscle, “I’m going to go shovel the Magnolia Poop,” he knows exactly what I’m talking about.  However, there is just something therapeutic about being outdoors, listening to the squirrels and crows fight, mindlessly raking and bagging leaves.  Mr. Muscle wants to cut the tree down and I’m mostly on board with that.  I wonder if I’ll miss it.

Tiger Slugs – Big stripey slugs live in the brick stairs of our front porch.  In the summer, they leave a beautiful trail of slime.  Their slow methodical gummy body is amazing.  For some reason watching them slows down my inner anxiety.  I don’t like when they eat my hostas.

My Grey Hair – You’ll never see it, because of my friendship with Ms. Clairol.  But, my crown of glory is creeping in.  I’m smiling because of this verse.  “Grey hair is a grown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life,”  Proverbs 16:31.  When I’m 60, if I’m completely white headed, I’ll go natural.

Color – I am amazed at the vibrance of God’s palette.  A black & white world wouldn’t be fully satisfying.  This isn’t quite so unusual, but I praise God for this tiny little detail.  It reminds me, God is in the details of our everyday life.  He’s even in the details of our bedroom life.  Thank you for the details, God!!!

What unusual chore or thing can you think of to be grateful?



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Thursday, November 20, 2014

Giving Thanks for My Low Sex Drive Journey



I am grateful God said, “I am that I am.”  He didn’t say, “I do that I do.”  Who I AM and who you ARE is identity.  What you DO is not your identity and not as important.

I am grateful when I realized sexual intimacy is not a DO.  Long gone is the phrase, “Let’s DO IT.”  It’s a beautiful act of ‘being one,’ not, ‘doing one.’

I am grateful there is no longer hurt silence and we are connected.  Because of our joint effort in marriage reclamation, he can now discuss his emotions revolving around his physical need and I can hear him.  We still mess up about stuff, though, no perfection here.

I am grateful when God revealed to me why sex was so important to my husband.  I felt less like a piece of meat and more like a privileged wife.  Before this, I never realized how rejected my husband felt.

I’m grateful for the moment I realized I had power over my limited sex drive.  With God’s help, I had the power to change my mindset.  I didn’t have to DO anything.    I didn’t have to have sex.  However, I could choose to be kind and understanding and realize that men aren’t just tall, hairy women.  They are biologically and organically different.   A loving wife chooses to understand her husband’s sex drive even when she doesn’t understand her own.  (AND vice versa, a man should understand about his higher drive wife, but this blog is for low drive wives.)

I’m grateful for the moment I realized I had value in spite of my limited sex drive.  In God’s ironic way, when I tried to grow my ability to desire sex, I learned that sexual intimacy isn’t the most important thing about our marriage.  Our reflection of Christ was the most important thing about our marriage.  (DUH, right?)  As a co-heir with Christ, God sees me as his beloved.  I discovered an unwritten fruit of the Holy Spirit, self-value.

I am grateful you and I both have things inside us our husbands crave.  They crave respect, peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, gentleness, self-control.  That’s true in reverse, too.  My husband’s sex drive is a physical manifestation of these needs.

I am grateful to be chosen by God to offer hope.  God allows me to talk you about my struggle and victory with low libido and sexual misunderstanding.  God hands me a surprise every day.  The wonder is in unwrapping and finding out my mission, it always involves empowering women and sometimes it also includes clearing up sexual misunderstanding and low libido.  You are chosen for this same thing, but your mission may look different!




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Wednesday, November 19, 2014

For the French Jazz Fusion Bedroom



Today's offering is Jean-Luc Ponty, French virtuoso violinist and jazz composer.  Frank Zappa and Elton John have both teamed with Ponty.  His classic-pop-jazz fusion is surprising.  He can be both deep and light.

ENJOY!

Some devices will not show the video.
Please click this link to hear the music:  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGe13kNnPtc&index=4&list=PL0B63E76797544F7D


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Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Sex Chat With Bonny: Getting Comfortable Talking About Sex

Hi friend!  May you find this video post encouraging.  I made it just for you.  

By the world's standards this post is tame.  However, it still may not be suitable for work or if little ears are present.  I would recommend earbuds in these situations.

I'd love to hear what you think about my suggestions in the comments.



For more on talking about sex out loud...

If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome!  Please see why sex is my focus, peruse the archives and don't forget to follow me via facebook fanpage or twitter (@oysterbed7)
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Monday, November 17, 2014

52 Week Sex Drive Transformation....Coming Soon in ECalendar Form!!



SSsshhhh…..it’s been a little secret.  But, I don’t want it to be a secret anymore!

I’m taking down the Unlock Libido page in a couple weeks, just in time for the new year.

Because, 52 Weeks to Unlock Your Libido: a Sex Drive Transformation (a previous OysterBed7 series) will be available as a weekly calendar ebook very soon!!

I’m busy putting the final touches on a series you found helpful.  The numbers and your comments have told me so.

52 Weeks to Unlock Your Libido will be in a weekly calendar format.  It uses God’s Word, science, and outside-the-box-thinking to help you create a new mindset.  God designed sex and it’s OK for you to be a sexually charged wife!

Read this introductory Sex Drive Transformation post for details about how it works.

There will be more info coming as we get closer to the December unveiling.  I'm so excited!!


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