Let's enjoy a swim in the Tidepool and share laughs and tears about how these struggles have shaped

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Giving Thanks for My Low Sex Drive Journey



I am grateful God said, “I am that I am.”  He didn’t say, “I do that I do.”  Who I AM and who you ARE is identity.  What you DO is not your identity and not as important.

I am grateful when I realized sexual intimacy is not a DO.  Long gone is the phrase, “Let’s DO IT.”  It’s a beautiful act of ‘being one,’ not, ‘doing one.’

I am grateful there is no longer hurt silence and we are connected.  Because of our joint effort in marriage reclamation, he can now discuss his emotions revolving around his physical need and I can hear him.  We still mess up about stuff, though, no perfection here.

I am grateful when God revealed to me why sex was so important to my husband.  I felt less like a piece of meat and more like a privileged wife.  Before this, I never realized how rejected my husband felt.

I’m grateful for the moment I realized I had power over my limited sex drive.  With God’s help, I had the power to change my mindset.  I didn’t have to DO anything.    I didn’t have to have sex.  However, I could choose to be kind and understanding and realize that men aren’t just tall, hairy women.  They are biologically and organically different.   A loving wife chooses to understand her husband’s sex drive even when she doesn’t understand her own.  (AND vice versa, a man should understand about his higher drive wife, but this blog is for low drive wives.)

I’m grateful for the moment I realized I had value in spite of my limited sex drive.  In God’s ironic way, when I tried to grow my ability to desire sex, I learned that sexual intimacy isn’t the most important thing about our marriage.  Our reflection of Christ was the most important thing about our marriage.  (DUH, right?)  As a co-heir with Christ, God sees me as his beloved.  I discovered an unwritten fruit of the Holy Spirit, self-value.

I am grateful you and I both have things inside us our husbands crave.  They crave respect, peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, gentleness, self-control.  That’s true in reverse, too.  My husband’s sex drive is a physical manifestation of these needs.

I am grateful to be chosen by God to offer hope.  God allows me to talk you about my struggle and victory with low libido and sexual misunderstanding.  God hands me a surprise every day.  The wonder is in unwrapping and finding out my mission, it always involves empowering women and sometimes it also includes clearing up sexual misunderstanding and low libido.  You are chosen for this same thing, but your mission may look different!




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Wednesday, November 19, 2014

For the French Jazz Fusion Bedroom



Today's offering is Jean-Luc Ponty, French virtuoso violinist and jazz composer.  Frank Zappa and Elton John have both teamed with Ponty.  His classic-pop-jazz fusion is surprising.  He can be both deep and light.

ENJOY!

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Please click this link to hear the music:  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGe13kNnPtc&index=4&list=PL0B63E76797544F7D


If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome!  Please see why sex is my focus, peruse the archives and don't forget to follow me via facebook fanpage or twitter (@oysterbed7)
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Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Sex Chat With Bonny: Getting Comfortable Talking About Sex

Hi friend!  May you find this video post encouraging.  I made it just for you.  

By the world's standards this post is tame.  However, it still may not be suitable for work or if little ears are present.  I would recommend earbuds in these situations.

I'd love to hear what you think about my suggestions in the comments.



For more on talking about sex out loud...

If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome!  Please see why sex is my focus, peruse the archives and don't forget to follow me via facebook fanpage or twitter (@oysterbed7)
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Monday, November 17, 2014

52 Week Sex Drive Transformation....Coming Soon in ECalendar Form!!



SSsshhhh…..it’s been a little secret.  But, I don’t want it to be a secret anymore!

I’m taking down the Unlock Libido page in a couple weeks, just in time for the new year.

Because, 52 Weeks to Unlock Your Libido: a Sex Drive Transformation (a previous OysterBed7 series) will be available as a weekly calendar ebook very soon!!

I’m busy putting the final touches on a series you found helpful.  The numbers and your comments have told me so.

52 Weeks to Unlock Your Libido will be in a weekly calendar format.  It uses God’s Word, science, and outside-the-box-thinking to help you create a new mindset.  God designed sex and it’s OK for you to be a sexually charged wife!

Read this introductory Sex Drive Transformation post for details about how it works.

There will be more info coming as we get closer to the December unveiling.  I'm so excited!!


If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome!  Please see why sex is my focus, peruse the archives and don't forget to follow me via facebook fanpage or twitter (@oysterbed7)

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Thursday, November 13, 2014

Top 10 Sexplanations: How to Turn on Your Sex-Drive



God’s intricate design of our brains amazes me.  I marvel at the science of our bodies and how it relates to our sexual interest.  I can never learn enough about it and how it can be applied to arousing my purrrr.  Maybe that’s why I’ve been called a sex nerd.  I love to apply science and scripture to my life.

Top 10 Sexplanations To Increase Your Sex Drive 

1.  When my libido crashed and burned, I wondered, “Why Sex?”  Have you ever wondered, too?

2.  A Key to Understanding Orgasm: The Exquisite Clitoris and Company (plus links to the entire Orgasm series, 11 posts in all)

3.  Can Pedicures Affect Your Sex Drive?  Feet and Sex

4.  Can you be both?  Christian and Sexy?

5.  Keep it Simple Sexy, A Monday Quickie.

6.  Trust




10.  Turnin’ on the lovin’ with Oysters and Sauerkraut.


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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Music for the Alternative Metal Bedroom: Creed





Today's offering is the Hard Rock, Post Grunge, Alternative Metal band called, Creed.  Their songs are heavily laced with Christian Theology.

Enjoy!


Some Devices will not show the video link.  
You can click this link to find Creed:  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7F8-aL4Exk



If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome!  Please see why sex is my focus, peruse the archives and don't forget to follow me via facebook fanpage or twitter (@oysterbed7)
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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Should You Consider Flibanserin? (Will I be taking it?)



We are all given something to struggle against so that we can let Jesus’ strength work through our weakness.  Jesus said to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.’

Finding strength in your weakness is finding faith.  Finding strength in your weakness also means you will grow.

The times in my life when I have grown exponentially have all involved struggle, even devastation.

Achieving a satisfying sex life has been a struggle.  The struggle softened my heart with compassion and convicted my spirit to persevere.  With each spicey step toward sex drive; better physical health, better emotional connection, making time to have fun (outside of the bedroom), scrutiny of the scriptures; I gained hope and self-value.

Would all this have happened if I’d been able to pop a pill?

I don’t know.

Listening to a recorded Patient Perspective session from the FDA Female Sexual Dysfunction workshop, I heard a wide range of experiences.  There was low libido and no libido, loss of well-being and loss of identity as a woman.  There was a variety of landmark moments when the libido disappeared; cancer, children, hysterectomy, SSRI’s

Some of the questions the FDA wanted answered were, “What is the ideal treatment for your condition?”  “What is your opinion on quality of engagement versus quantity of engagements?”

These questions weren’t answered clearly because these women just wanted to be heard.  They finally had a chance to voice frustration.  If these women are frustrated, there are men behind them just as affected.

One gallery comment struck a chord with me.  She said, “We must educate women on the non-medical components of arousal.”  I completely agree.

Another item that struck me while listening was that only 25% of those present had undergone any kind of relational intimacy education.  Relational education should be at the top of the list for non-medical arousal components.  My libido perked when my husband and I finally began to emotionally connect. 

Here’s my background.  My dad was a senior bio-chemist at Eli Lilly.  He helped develop human synthetic insulin (humulin) among other things.  I was on a panel of kids that helped formulate just the right bubblegum flavor in amoxicillin.  My husband is a pharmacist and works in the manufacturing industry.  I believe God gave us plants to use as medicine.  God gave scientists wonderful intellects to discover new molecules.  And God gave you and I the ability to make choices.

Even though big pharma has fed and clothed me all of my life, I believe in some cases a prescription should be a last resort.  This is one of those cases.

I agree with Dr. Stephen Snyder, M.D., NYC sex therapist, that medical innovation is good.  Women should have this choice.  “I know lots of women with good relationships who've done all the right things to bring back their libido, and nothing has worked,” Dr. Stephen Snyder.

“I have a right to be a sexual being,” commented another attendee on October 28th.  Absolutely.  But, unless you’ve exhausted all other mediums, keep persevering before you pop the pill.

One FDA moderator stated, “Libido is multi-factorial.”  What have I been saying to you for nearly 3 years?  That’s why it will be very difficult for the medical community to treat female interest and arousal disorders.  Libido issues may or may not be just faulty mechanics of our body.  Libido issues are emotionally charged, as well.  Each one of us has a different scenario, so that makes 16,000,000 scenarios in the US.  (According a 1999 study, 16 million US women suffer from low or no libido).

Hopefully, the FDA will be able to identify trends and group similar scenarios.  But, please don’t wait on the FDA.  You can start working on your libido at any time, especially if this is a point of contention in your marriage.  There are tons of non-medical steps you can try.

Figuring out your libido is like getting lost in a cornmaze.  It’s trial and error.  It’s frustrating, but when you make the right move you know it and are elated!

Now, to answer the question, would I be willing to take Flibanserin?  The answer is yes.  I am extremely curious about whether it’ll put my sweet juicy tingle back into action. I would like to be able offer advice to you all about its effectiveness, also.

If you are a low libido and feel little to no sexual desire on a consistent basis, the FDA wants to hear from you.





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