My name is Bonny Logsdon Burns. I blend science, scripture, and stories of my own life to encourage and empower the low sex drive wife and her marriage. You write what you know and I know about low sex drive.
My husband, Dave, and I have been married over 30 years. We have three sons, two daughter-in-loves, and a grandblessing. I have a Christian Counseling certification (not licensure) and am working toward my master’s in Family and Marriage Therapy.
Why share my most vulnerable part of marriage, low sex drive?
Because, I want your marriage to thrive, too.
Not long ago, I was at a function with women I’d known for awhile. However, they hadn’t known Dave and I before, when our marriage was pretty miserable.
Going around the group, we were asked to give a 5-minute life-story. I shared about my heart for hurting marriages. “Because,” I told them, “at one point, Dave and I were on the brink of divorce.”
I didn’t expect the reaction of slack-jawed shock I received. One woman said, “I can’t even imagine you two arguing.” That made me snort because we’ve had some doozies, usually about sex.
I tell you this not to gloat but to give you hope. Our story wasn’t over and neither is yours. Low libido and miserable marriages aren’t permanent conditions.
God asked us to join him in transforming our marriage. At times it was miraculous and at times it felt like I was wielding a 100 pound hammer on a 100 degree day. With God and practical tools, we built a better marriage and you can, too. That’s why I write about practical things you can do and think about.
Dr. Henry Cloud says, “If you’ve been trying hard and hard isn’t working. Try different.”
My part in ‘trying different’ to rebuild our relationship was learning to understand the importance of sexual intimacy in marriage and then figuring out how to find my sex drive.
If you are tired of the arguments about sex, I understand.
If you are trying to do everything in your power to emotionally connect and it’s still not happening, I understand.
If you’re mad and don’t care if you ever have sex again because of porn, I understand.
If you just wish you had a little more spark in the libido department, I understand.
I’ll make a deal with you. If you read without judging and try to lay aside your broken, angry heart, I may be able to help through God’s Word and science.
It’s hard work. However, there is hope through Christ. I know because I was just like you.
OysterBed7 has two focuses.
One is for the wife of a hurting marriage where sex is a major source of contention.
The other focus is the wife who knows that she has a low sex drive.
Both, a hurting marriage and a low-libido wife, need to know that there is hope.
Miserable marriages and low-libidos do not have to be permanent conditions.
“Know also that wisdom is like honey for you:
If you find it, there is a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off,” Proverbs 24:14.
Other Random Facts:
We have three adult sons (and yes, we had our kids early in our marriage).
I grew up surrounded by cornfields in Indiana, spent most of our married life on the coast of North Carolina, and now live amongst the palm trees of south Florida.
I love pedicures and hate shoes.
I mostly dislike yard work. Okay, let’s be honest, I loathe it. We live in zone 8 where plants grow like they’re on steroids and poisonous creepy things live in the plants. Fortunately, lawn service is affordable down here.
Mr. Muscle (a.k.a. my husband, Dave) and I are less opposites than we used to be. We share our faith in the Lord. We also love music, laughter, trying new food, and travel.
I am in the process of getting my Master’s degree in Family and Marriage Therapy, but I’m not licensed, yet. So, be aware, I am not a licensed counselor, just someone who’s lived through some stuff.
My favorite genre of movie is post-apocalyptic. I like to ponder if I would have the wits and guts to survive a zombie epidemic or alien invasion.
Genealogy is my continuing hobby (since 2000). I love the combination of history and family. It promotes great chit chat at parties. Only a genealogist would ask you what your mother’s maiden name is. I’m related to crazy King Henry VIII and Mr. Muscle says that explains A LOT about me. 😉
I was our church secretary for 10 years.
I love body glitter, sequins, pixie dust, rhinestones, and a moonlit ocean. If something sparkles, it’s my favorite. Dave rolls his eyes when I buy gold shoes.
Music is a part of my soul. It brings me to tears and gives me goodsebumps. I play a couple of instruments and love to sing and dance.
Cleaning house annoys me because it has the audacity to get dirty again. I love to cook, but when I do too much of that Dave and I both get fluffy around the middle. So, when we’re home we eat simple meals. We love to go out and try new restaurants. In West Palm Beach, there’s no shortage of those!
Personal posts you might find interesting:
My WWII era parents were FEISTY.