In Budget Minded Gifts for Him, I suggest romantic yet thrifty gifts that touch his five senses.
Today, gentlemen, I’d like to suggest gifts for your wife that scream pursuit.
Just because you won (her hand in marriage), doesn’t mean you’re done (thinking about your relationship). Do you know one difference between a miserable marriage and a magical marriage? Pursuit.
Wives like to be pursued all year long, not just at Christmas-time. If you haven’t been pursuing her, I suggest you start now during this season of generosity. Carry it through the new year and watch the atmosphere of your marriage change.
What does it mean to pursue your wife? It means to integrate her into all your man-brain compartments like when you were dating. She was constantly on your mind back then and you were doing nice things to get her to notice you and like you.
This low-libido gal didn’t realize she wasn’t being pursued until Dave started pursuing me again. It definitely was a factor in my low-libido. I won’t guarantee that pursuit will rev your low-libido lady’s physical engine, but it will raise her emotional libido.
Emotional connection is paramount toward a low-libido gals desire to do the ‘Christmas Party Hop.’
Here are some seasonal suggestions for how to pursue her.
Pursue her like Buddy the Elf, with enthusiasm.
Act happy to be around her. Smile. Say nice, over-the-top silly things. Bring her an unexpected night cap, hot-cocoa with tons of marshmallows. Tell her that she’s the prettiest Girl Elf you’ve ever seen. Watch the movie, Elf, for more inspiration.
Pursue her like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, embracing your uniqueness.
Maybe your nose isn’t aglow, but you both love a nice crossbow, or good dog show, or a trip to Glasgow (Kentucky or Scotland).
Remember the sweet little weird things you have in common and take action by giving the odd gift you know she will adore whether it’s a toy from childhood, singing an NSYNC duet, or unusual cuisine for a dinner date. Are you both Doctor Who fans?
Clarissa encouraged Rudolph’s rare gift. Pulling out this peculiar thing in common will tell her you cherish the rare gift of your marriage and your unique relationship.
Scrooge forgot to pursue and had regrets.
Ebenezer’s fiancé called him out. He had a new mistress, his job!
“Our contract is an old one. It was made when we were both poor and content to be so, until, in good season, we could improve our worldly fortune by our patient industry. You are changed. When it was made, you were another man,” Belle (A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens).
Ebenezer realized too late the truth of Belle’s words.
Have you become another man? Don’t be singularly focused on your job (or some other hobby). Earthly gain and pleasure is not the abundant life Jesus spoke.
“I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly,” John 10:10.
Abundant life is full of his peace and Paul’s contentment (Phil. 4:11). His abundant life is full of the Holy Spirit’s fruit. The abundant life has nothing to do with material things and everything to do with pursuing relationship, whether with your wife, your children, your friends, and most of all with Christ.
Pursue relationship with your wife by giving her your undivided attention; leave work at the office, limit your gaming time, and mute the game’s sound when she wants to talk with you. Yes, time and attention are inexpensive but precious gifts.
Pursue Christ like the Little Drummer Boy
Nothing draws the heart of a Christian wife toward her husband more than to see him pursue Christ and Christ’s character. Husbands who pursue Christ, pursue the best for his wife and children.
The purpose of life isn’t to accumulate wealth, power, or the friendship of influential people. The purpose of life is to be within God’s will. Our entire being should shine with the light of God, our lives should glorify him at all times. Receiving the gift of Jesus’ peace comes through walking more and more within God’s will for our lives.
So, my last gift suggestion is that you go out and choose a Bible study or Bible based marriage book for the two of you to work through together.
Buy two identical books if you think this is better logistically. Wrap them up and put them under the tree. When she unwraps it tell her you’d like to read a little each week so the two of you can talk about it, share ideas or likes/dislikes in what is being said.
(Now, if you’ve been having some kind of conflict, pick a neutral type book. Do not pick a book that is ‘proving your point.’)
These 4 gifts of pursuit will be the best investment you ever made.
- Be Buddy the Elf, happy to see her and bring her a treat
- Be Rudolph, embrace your unique interests and implement them.
- Don’t be Scrooge, scale back on work and gaming/hunting/golfing to show her some preference.
- Be the Little Drummer Boy, grow together in your pursuit of Christ.
Disclaimer: I realize men would like to be pursued, too. And if you read Budget Minded Gifts for Him, I think you’ll see tables turned.
“A more loving marriage may be the only aphrodisiac your marriage needs,” Michele Weiner Davis.