Is it possible to be both? That’s a hard one to wrap the mind around, at least for me.
As my husband and I learned to give each other more verbal praise in Phase 2 of our marriage, I often shook my head when he told me I was sexy or beautiful. “No, I’m not. But, you are sweet to say so.”
I wasn’t being coy. I just didn’t believe my outer shell to be all that spectacular. Then, one day, after this exchange, he looked at me in exasperation on the verge of anger, “Are you calling me a liar? Don’t you trust what I say?” He was hurt that I didn’t believe he thought I was beautiful.
I began to contemplate his words seriously and do research.
Believe that you are beautiful and alluring to your man, pretty lady!
“I stored up silver and gold for myself. I gathered up treasures of kings and their kingdoms. I got some male and female singers. I also got many women for myself. Women delight the hearts of men,” Ecclesiastes 2:8 (NIRV).*
Men get a tiny bit ‘high’ viewing a curvaceous figure.
The ‘baby-got-back’ reward
There is documented science. The ‘reward centers’ in a male brain are triggered when a curvy woman is in view. Research at the Georgia Gwinnett College, through MRI technology, measured activity in two pleasure centers of the male brain when an hourglass (smaller waist, larger hips) figure was in view. The overall weight of the woman did not matter, it was just the waist-to-hip ratio.
The brain regions affected are:
1. The orbital frontal cortex (the ‘reward center’)
2. The nucleus accumbens (where the high of drug/alcohol abuse resides)
Yep, there’s proof. You take his breath away and make his brain go all juicy, especially when he sees your naked body.
Women wish their value to be based on inner beauty more than outer beauty. But, men are wired to respond to outer beauty. Isn’t that just like our Lord, to fashion us as puzzle pieces, one needing the other? In my opinion, subconsciously, females need to be convinced of outer beauty and males need to be convinced of inner goodness.
Nurturing a beautiful spiritual heart is of utmost importance (IPeter 3:3-4). God’s word speaks of this for both sexes (Psalm 119:1-12). This article is about knowing that it’s OK to acknowledge your physical beauty. Acknowledging physical beauty does not go against God’s word. It’s when the pursuit of physical beauty trumps everything else, that there’s a problem.
As I began to trust that Mr. Muscle really did see me as beautiful, I became more free in my nakedness. It was a slow progression. I constantly had to remind myself that he saw me as beautiful.
Now, we leave the lights on. I am not afraid to sleep sans nightie. Once, I even walked through the house ‘nekked.’
I realized I had been afraid to believe Mr. Muscle about his perception of my beauty. If I let myself be built up, there was a chance my heart could be crushed in the future. I had to let go of the fear and trust Mr. Muscle with my heart and self-image.
Isn’t this what we have to do with our faith in God? We have to trust him with our fears, our inner-most vulnerability. HE has never let me down. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to His purpose,” (Romans 8:28)…..In your life, hasn’t He proved this over and over?
It doesn’t matter what shape a wife’s figure is in.
Men delight in the female form. A wife’s female form is the only one a husband is supposed to see naked. AND, as many other writers have pointed out, but let me re-iterate, your husband chose you!!! You light his fire. He adores your face, and what’s below it. He loves your heart and brain, too. But, he can’t SEE that.
The years roll by and the effect takes a toll on both husband and wife. There may be flawless females in the media at every turn. He knows they are airbrushed. He wants a real live curvaceous lovely with a heartbeat and more than that, he loves who you are!!!
God said, “It is good,” Genesis 1:31. We don’t doubt Him. Your naked form is good.
Now, a strange thing started to happen…..
As Mr. Muscle saw that I trusted him about my OUTER self. He started trusting me with his INNER self. He began to reveal more and more to me about the workings of his heart. We were connecting emotionally and that filtered over into the boudoir….I was a Christian feeling Sexy.
Let me clarify, pressure to reveal nakedness will cause the opposite effect. Praise and positive words are the keys to the kingdom. But, the words have to be authentic, men. There can be no ulterior motive. “If I talk sweet maybe I’ll get lucky,” doesn’t work! Love your lady through genuine gentle verbal communication. I’m willing to bet that if husbands become more open and honest about INNER self, wives will respond. It doesn’t happen overnight. Gentlemen, pray with your wives that they can accept their OUTER beauty and you can share your INNER heart.
Beautiful friend, let your heart accept praise and absorb the truth of it, savor it. (Believe it and Receive it!!)
TRUST your Mister’s words about your beauty and sexy-ness, don’t downplay them.
SEXY is an attitude. Look in the mirror (naked) and like what you see, my sisters. If you don’t like what you see practice changing your mindset. Decide to like what you see. Better yet, look in the mirror with your husband (both naked)….after you both stop laughing, tell each other your best characteristics.
PRAY that the Lord will unveil your heart regarding your beauty to your husband.
“Lord, please reveal to the beautiful woman reading this the value of her OUTER and INNER beauty. Give her peace of heart and mind. Bless her marriage with the satisfaction of emotional, spiritual and physical union. May her children view a marriage displaying the love and grace of Jesus. In Jesus’ Name I pray.”
(An aside: Who still has their 45 rpm of “The Streak” by Ray Stevens?)
Also see, What if….Your Husband Really Does Love Your Body?, by Scott at Journey to Surrender
Also see, Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder, by Stuart Tutt.
For the flip side (male perspective) on beauty of the female form, please read: The Most Beautiful Woman in the World at Songsix3.
To get the conversations started and maybe share a little of your inner selves, check out: Do Not Disturb’s 30-Day Communication Challenge
*The New International Reader’s Version takes a slightly more erotic tone than other versions.