I did everything I knew to do to honor our marriage. The house was kept as clean as any home with three rowdy boys. The Wal-Mart Cashiers and the Emergency Room attendants knew me by name as I tried to keep our boys fed and alive. As a one-income household, I squeezed pennies until they surrendered.
A great compliment was to tell me I was productive.
We attended church as a family. The boys and I, as a cabin counselor, attended church camp for nearly a decade of summers. In my very limited spare time, I was serving others, but not with my husband. He said he was proud of my work, so I kept at it. Work I was good at, playing not so much.
In spite of all of these actions, my relationship with my husband didn’t thrive. Didn’t thrive is an understatement. Our marriage was a walking corpse. Maybe, if I could just work hard enough wouldn’t everything be OK?
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart,” Jeremiah 29:13.
‘Seeking him with all my heart,’ took on a whole new fervency.
I wasn’t just seeking. I had collapsed with palms up at the foot of the cross. My husband was there in a heap with me. I was ready to say yes to whatever God had in store for us. It didn’t matter if God’s answer left me bleeding by the side of the road as long as the misery in my heart lifted.
And then God answered. We got a new preacher.
New Mr. Preacher-Man and his wife were certified to facilitate a marriage class. We took this class and it forever changed our life. It was God’s miracle. Because, before this we had already sought counseling and it wasn’t working.
God’s miracle involved much prayer. It utilized the peace of the Holy Spirit to help us find the emotional neutral zone. It took listening with unselfish ears to frank conversation and talking without accusatory tones. It took an active choice to not be offended.
But, most of all, it involved me looking at God over the top of my reading glasses,
“Bonny, my child, you need to strengthen your understanding of marital sexual intimacy.”
God was asking me to put a lot of effort into an area that wasn’t ‘productive’ in my book. It was not my natural inclination. Remember I mentioned that playing doesn’t come easily to me? Well, that includes playing in the bedroom with my husband.
I think our #saywhat moments usually have to do with a weakness God is trying to strengthen. For me it was discovering and understanding the powerful spiritual nature of physical intimacy. For others, it may be forgiveness or walking in trust and faith. It may be an introvert being asked to learn extrovert tendencies.
#saywhat moments will be a place where you are blindly pushed over the edge to fall into the palm of the Lord’s hand. It’s faith that the Lord’s plan is always the best.
I never would have guessed that by strengthening my understanding of physical intimacy, our marriage’s emotional and spiritual intimacy was also strengthened. There was a synergy about it. It all worked together.
If we don’t heed the #saywhat moment, we will never clearly see how amazing God is!!!
My #saywhat moment overflowed into OysterBed7, this blog.
OysterBed7 is to encourage the low libido spouse. But, it is also to counter comments like the one made at an informal ladies’ function I attended years ago. Some of the women were discussing sexual intimacy. It was a fact filled conversation, personal yes, but not obscene or coarse joking. Then, another lady present said, “We shouldn’t be talking about this.” All sharing ceased.
If we can’t talk about physical intimacy with our Christian sisters, who will point us to Christ, where can we speak of it?
All marriages, situations and people are different. My words are not meant as an accusation against anyone who has endured the agony of divorce.
I am also aware that in at least 25% of marriages, the wife is the higher drive spouse.
My heart aches for those who have suffered the consequences of sexual pollution. Please know that I am aware of what a tender topic this can be when there are wounds. God wishes to reclaim sexual intimacy from the clutches of the dark one. Gently engaging in a Christ-centered dialogue regarding sexual intimacy is the beginning.
If this is your first time visiting OysterBed7, Welcome!
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