You probably know from experience that when sex is not a point of conflict and happens frequently, the sharp edges of your marriage are creamy and pliable.
Harmonious living is great. Honoring God’s design is wonderful. These are good reasons to be willing to romp.
But, are you thinking, “I’m tired of just being willing. How do I grow the willingness into want?”
How do you grow from a bland shrug of your shoulders, saying ‘OK,’ to a deep need in the pit of your being to join as one with this man who is your husband? This is the question that began my quest for fire.
Initially, I thought my lack of desire was strictly a physical limit.
How do I physically ramp up my craving for sex?
In spite of hating to sweat, try to exercise 3 times a week.
What happened surprised me when I tried this. Yeah, there was the improved strength, stamina and flexibility. But, there was something else.
I became aware of my body.
I had been living in a state where my thoughts and my body were two separate entities. Exercise helped me reconnect them.
This connection helped me be more in-tune with sensations during our bedroom experience. Which led me to remember luscious feelings through the coming day, which helped me anticipate the next sexual encounter in a more positive way. It’s a cycle!
Exercise helped my body-image.
I saw improvements here and there. No, it didn’t take away my crepe-paper, twin-skin stretch marks, but my calves were becoming more defined. My skin got a good workout from the sweat. I craved more water and overall my complexion improved.
Empowerment happened, too. I no longer feared walking in the Wal-Mart parking lot after dark. Although I never want to find out, I am pretty sure I could deck somebody if they threatened me.
Exercise improves overall mood.
I scoffed that exercise would help release feel-good brain chemicals. I’ve experienced it, though. After an hour of exercise calms my nerves and I feel at ease, although exhausted. Sometimes, I even feel frisky.
Find what you love or you won’t stick with it.
Be persistent in trying all kinds of exercise, until you find your niche.
Your husband will cheer you on!
He wants the best for you and your health not just what it’ll do for your libido and looks. If it’s hard to find time in your schedule for exercise, maybe your husband would pick up a chore or two to help you out.
Researcher has shown that exercising thirty minutes before sexual intercourse significantly reduced the libido-damaging effects of antidepressants and increased female sexual function (including orgasm). They noted that regular exercise at other times — before or after sex — improved sexual function as well, just not as much as in that thirty minute window.
My thinkin’, if exercise counters the effects of SSRI’s, it’ll help many other low libido reasons.
Other ways to improve physical libido is to eat healthier. Reduce processed foods and up water intake. This takes a while to make a habit, a chart like this helps. And at 1270 calories a day, you might shed a few extra pounds. Eating smaller meals closer together helps you feel satisfied for most of the day.
Get Your Hormones Checked
I wrote about Hormones here:
I’m not sure what happened. Whether it was flourishing under Mr. Muscle’s pride, a brain chemistry change, or feeling accomplished. But, the task I had hated helped me feel kind of saucy.
Mysteriously, inner-sensuality replaced mom-frump.
I began to feel sexy. I even went all ‘oo-la-la’ and bought French-cut Hanes undies and they were not white!
And as weird as it is for me to write this, I miss my exercise time and actually even yearn for it.
Hhhmmmm, that makes me think about sexual intimacy with my husband. I thought I hated it, but I was slowly changing. I felt HOPE.
I could see that maybe, just maybe….yearning was right around the corner.
My ‘quest for fire’ was a journey of several years. The journey revealed the multi-dimensional character of libido.
Low libido isn’t solely a physical limitation. How we emotionally connect with our husbands plays a huge role. The last revelation involved mystery. Sexual intimacy is a spiritual necessity in marriage.
I will rejoice with you as you find the path from willing to want!
“When she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin which I had lost!” Luke 15:9.
Coming soon: “Can I spiritually yearn for sex?” and “Will I Emotionally Yearn for Sex?”
Also see: My Not So Secret, Secret to Libido
Sharing with Calm.Healthy.Sexy’s Let’s Get Real Party