Do you take the same route to work?
Do you listen to the same radio station?
Do you visit the same 2 restaurants and order the same 2 entrees?
Like a memorized dance, is your lovemaking beautiful, yet routine?
I can easily do all of the above. Familiarity makes me feel comfortable. I know what to expect. If I don’t park in the same area of the parking lot, I become a doddery old lady walking through the lot pushing my remote key’s panic button in hopes of a response from my car.
Sometimes, juggling everyday life, I’m just too tired to try to deal with the unknown.
According to StonyBrook University and University of Michigan researchers, novel experiences shared with your mate promotes long-term marital satisfaction.
Of 123 married couples who participated in this study, those who felt bored with their marriage at year 7, showed greater dissatisfaction at year 16 than those who didn’t feel bored at year 7.
Doing new things together not only enhances your bond as husband and wife, but new stimuli can keep your brain healthy. Experiences that show us new ideas or perspectives pushes our brains to build new pathways. (The Adaptive Brain: Aging and Neurocognitive Scaffolding.)
When your marriage was new, libido was not a problem. Granted, hormones were plump and juicy and love banks were overflowing. Could this also be because most of the experiences were first time fresh? Introducing novel experiences into the marriage can enhance excitement. If this new experience is sexual, I bet it can promote libido.
Low libido women typically have to be more mindful about their love making.
Here’s why the extra effort is good news!
Planning a new element to you and your husband’s rendezvous will allow your thoughts to wonder to sexuality throughout the day. It’s intentional thought, not obsession. Decide will this be a surprise or does your mister need to be in on it to help carry it to fruition?
It takes courage to try something new, no matter how slight the variation. Courage builds self-confidence. Whether the variety lights roman candles or just sparklers, either way it’s a success.
Planning a novel experience allows you to grow in relationship with your husband. Trying something new is opening yourself to growth. Growth usually comes from a new experience.
Thoughts on how to add variety to your lovemaking
Novelty can start small, like….
Fragrance sheets with something different. Buy a new cologne for you or him. Use a new candle fragrance in your bedroom. May I suggest you read Smellin’ Sexy for fragrances with aphrodisiac qualities?
Use a new collection of music that is outside of your ordinary tastes. Why not try Christian Hip Hop or Hard Rock? or go Classical with Rachmoninoff’s hard pounding piano or Debussey’s lyrical cascades? Try some ‘50s Do-Wop, Country (“If I Told You, You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me”), or barbershop (“Everybody Wants to go to Heaven, But Nobody Wants to Die”).
New Lubrication or Body Oil
If you haven’t tried coconut oil, I highly suggest it. See Buttery Love.
Contemplate glitter, temporary tattoos, vajazzling, or different personal body grooming (Brazilian anyone?)*
Novelty can start bigger, like….
Take a lesson from J using stick figures.
New Clothing, Costuming or Lingerie
With the Halloween stores open and preparing to outfit the children for the season, there is a plethora of cheap costume ideas. I think it’s pertinent to mention that costumes should not promote fantasy disassociation. In other words, don’t fantasize that your costumed husband is anyone other than your husband. But, it’s not a far stretch to see your husband as Superman who jumps dead car batteries in a single keyturn, or a Salty Pirate who wants to ravish YOU, his marriage booty.
This can be a tough one if children are still in the house. However, outside in a tent in your backyard would be interesting. Pitch it for the ‘kids’ and you can take advantage of it, too, after they are asleep. Take the baby monitor with you. You can use different rooms in the house after kids are asleep. A car parked in the garage is another idea. Vacations are good for new location. (Check out this site for unique backyard tent creations.)
Will all of these things be a ‘comfortable’ experience? Well, if your car is a Mini-Cooper, the answer may be no. But, it’s the effort that matters.
Not only will novelty enhance libido and increase brain health, it can sustain a feeling of camaraderie and lightness of heart.
Give it a shot! The worst that can happen is that it will be a failed attempt. But, that just lets you know what not to do next time. The failed attempt may not be orgasmic, but I bet it’ll be full of humor. When your hubby says, “Hey Honey, let’s go check the yard for fire ants!” You’ll know exactly what he’s thinking! Who doesn’t love an inside joke?
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights…,”James 1:17.
I know I’ve not even skimmed the surface of creativeness here….what have I forgotten???
*J at hotholyandhumorous has touched on these subjects, go over and check her out!!
Linked with Jolene at The Alabaster Jar: Marital Oneness Monday
Linked with Sheila Gregoire at tolovehonorandvacuum: Wifey Wednesday