Body awareness is being in tune with your senses, muscles, alignment, aches, pains and pleasure. In dance, it is important to be mindful about your body to create the visual, moving art. In exercise and dance, it’s important to know your limits so that you don’t injure your body.
For low libido wives relying on emotional libido, the physical libido gets pushed to the back burner because it doesn’t fire up like we want. Practicing awareness of our bodies, may increase satisfaction in the physical element of sexual intimacy.
However, sometimes certain areas on our bodies can have emotional residue attached.
Specifically, I want to discuss when our husbands are playful and want to grab our goodies…..
In my own life, I’ve brushed up against sexual pollution. It’s always been focused on my breasts.* I was the girl who was wearing a trainer in 2nd grade. Because of the boys’ interest in my bra straps, we had a classroom discussion in 3rd grade about proper behavior. At 11, my breasts received improper attention from one of my father’s acquaintances. I did not keep quiet about the incident. At 16, a teacher had undue interest in my breasts. I did not keep quiet about that incident, either.
Even though I feel these situations were handled the best way possible, I don’t like my breasts to be touched out of the blue by my husband.
Consistency with personal space.
A book I read recently had a couple of paragraphs focusing on wives praying away the annoyance of being grabbed (breasts or buttocks). I didn’t quite agree.
I think we are allowed personal space. Yes, my body is not mine. But, neither is his. My breasts are his. His hands are mine. If he esteems me, he is not just going to grab boob when he knows that it is unpleasant to me in ‘just playing’ kind of situations. To me, grabbing my breasts is not an appealing way to ‘just play’ because of my background.
The key is consistency. Men aren’t mind readers. If your mood dictates whether his grabbing is okay or not, that’s a different scenario. Be a considerate wife and communicate what’s going on in your head/heart if it’s a bad day for playful touching.
But, for me, sexual pollution has made me very sensitive about that area.
And so, I reach my second point…
Tell him where you don’t like to be touched unexpectedly/playfully and why. If you can’t figure out why, let it ruminate. You may or may not figure it out, but be consistent.
Tell him what is enjoyable for you in flirty playtime.
Mr. Muscle (a.k.a. my husband) can grab my posterior all he wants. I’ve worked hard getting this thing from buns of cellulite all the way to buns of memory foam. He can tickle my neck or inner thigh. He can even run his fingers through my hair any time he wants.
Where on your body can your man touch at any time that will be fun for you? That’s what he needs to hear.
It’s very important to focus on what we like. If we have to discuss what we don’t like, it should be done outside of the bedroom as to not hurt anyone’s feelings. I used the word ‘annoy’ during an inopportune moment and it seriously hurt his feelings.
That is part of our responsibility, low libido wives. We have to take responsibility for our own discomforts and pleasures. We have to communicate them in a loving fashion. In communicating, we are taking responsibility for our part of sexual intimacy. I think all men will love and respect their low libido wives stepping up to the plate to communicate gently and effectively. In the end, it should improve the way we relate through sexual intimacy.
Give him alternatives, not ultimatums.
*I realize that there are many who have dealt with far worse sexual pollution than this. I am in no way minimizing anyone’s experience.