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I like to know, "Why?"
And I lean toward the scientific side.
When my libido did a Houdini and disappeared, I questioned why a libido was necessary? I went as far to question why sex was even necessary. Mr. Muscle and I were done pro-creating by mutual agreement. Sex was important to him, but was it necessary? Why is it so important to most men?
Yes, the Bible counsels it to be so:
"...Since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come back together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command," 1Corinthians 2-6.But, WHY??
Why is pornography such a lucrative business?
Why do most men have this innate need?
"Their brains are wired differently," you may answer.
Yes, but HOW??
I prayed the Lord would unveil his truths.
Thus began my quest in understanding a few why's about SEX.
This is what I found:
For example: The Corpus callosum connects the right and left hemispheres of the brain. The corpus callosum helps the two hemispheres 'talk' with one another. Women have 6 or 7 language centers in both hempisheres to process and verbalize. The male Corpus callosum is 25% smaller than female. He also only does language in the left hemisphere, in part because the smaller Corpus callosum doesn't communicate as effectively.
The amygdala is larger in men. Part of the amygdala's function involves aggression. The hippocampus is smaller in men. Part of the hippocampus' function involves retaining new memories and their emotional responses.
It was in the CHEMICAL arena that I found my answers!!!
Male brains are bathed in LESS serotonin and oxytocin, calming and bonding chemicals. Oxytocin is divine, drenching us in feelings of calm, happy and connected. It is because of the lower oxytocin level that it takes a man longer to form emotional bonds.
Women have 10 times more oxytocin bathing their brains than men. For women, conversation is a key distributor of oxytocin. If she talks out her troubles to a friend, her brain releases oxytocin.
Guess when the level of oxytocin in men is equal to that of women???? At the time of male orgasm, oxytocin is released by the bucket fulls. At the time of orgasm, our men feel complete bonding with us. At the time of orgasm, their brains are happy as clams!!!
That's all I needed to know. Libido and sex are important because that's how Mr. Muscle bonds with me.
This epiphany was another confirmation to me of how our Lord knows us and loves us. He gives us mandates for our benefit.
"Praise the Lord, my soul, all my inmost being praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits. Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desire with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's," Psalm 103:1-5.Yes, having this biological understanding of sex made me a better person. I became more empathetic to the aching need my husband, Mr. Muscle's, brain had for higher levels of oxytocin. I held less disdain and became more empathetic to male sexual need (but not condoning acts outside of God's guidelines). Sex is more than a physical union, there is a spiritual aspect. But, it helped me immensely to understand the underlying physical processes.
This may all sound very clinical, but it screamed romance to me! At the time my libido disappeared, I felt disconnected emotionally from Mr. Muscle. He felt disconnected from me, too, because he was getting limited amounts of his 'oxytocin fix.'
Thus began my libido resuscitation.......
What has been your experience, if any, with low libido? Ladyfish, how have you been able to reclaim your 'sexy?'
Connected with The Unveiled Wife: 6 Ways to Laugh More With your Husband
Connected with Sheila Gregoire's Wifey Wednesday: Submission Doesn't Mean Lying Over and Taking It.
For more beautiful thoughts on the spiritual nature of our physical union, please read:
Do Not Disturb's, "Sex is.....Connection"
hotholyandhumorous', "Gospel in the bedroom"
And for futher reading on the very mysterious male inner workings, please read,
What Could He Be Thinking, by Michael Gurian.