At 13, my oldest son broke both of his legs. The tibias in each leg were completely displaced, although not compound through the skin. The fibulas each had a more minor, but spiral type of fracture.
He jumped from a 17 foot ledge with the intention of impressing some girls and getting an adrenaline rush. He got more than he expected.
Isn’t that like the marriage bed? We go in with bright, shining anticipation. We know there could be bumps in the road, but don’t fully expect them. Then, one wrong decision has the potential to stain the entire relationship. All decisions in marriage influence your sexual relationship.
My coordinated son landed squarely on a pad of concrete below. The bones snapped six inches above each ankle. In retrospect, he said he should have tucked and rolled.
In marriage, we can’t go back to change the hurt. Hurt revolving around sexual issues is greater and more personal than others. Transform regret into helpful, retrospective thinking. Build wisdom for the next time. Ask yourself, “What can I do better? What can I understand better?”
In the Emergency Room, Dave and I were faced with a decision. Do we repair the damage with titanium rods? Rods could possibly damage his growth place and sentence him to remain his 13 year old height. Or, do we let the docs set the bones and hope for God’s best?
“If this was your son, doc, what would you do?”
“I’d set the legs, not risk damaging the growth plate.”
Like in marriage, sometimes you don’t know quite what to do. Don’t be afraid to ask someone with experience.
We did not pray over our decision. An answer was needed immediately. This is when you trust that the prayer-filled life you are already leading keeps you in tune with God.
If you are seeking God diligently by reading his word daily and are trying to apply Biblical principles to your life through intentional actions and meditative prayer, his presence is already constant.
“…that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience, with joy giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light. He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son He loves,” Colossians 1:9-13.
Very early in the morn, our son’s legs were set in the ER. X-rays were taken. The doc wasn’t happy with the alignment, so they took him into the operating room and put him under general anesthesia to more aggressively manipulate the bones.
Sometimes, you wish for heavy sedation when dealing with the torture of a raw heart from sexual issues in marriage. Unlike getting your legs set, healing the marriage bed needs to be done with eyes and heart completely aware of the situation. I’m sure you are well aware the part your spouse played in the damage. However, you must understand the part you have played in it, as well.
He came home from the hospital in two hip length casts, white with red candy cane stripes. It was Christmas time.
One week later, his casts were ‘shimmed’ to straighten the backward curve of the bone-set. (Think of an archer’s bow, our son’s legs had too much bow in the calves. They needed to be straight.) This was done with no sedation. We both cried from the pain.
Two weeks later, he went back into the OR for another aggressive set. There is a two-week window while bones are ‘sticky,’ but not completely cemented. This was the last effort to give him the ability to walk, run, swim, and be an active teenager.
Fortunately, there’s a much longer window than that for marriage reconciliation. It’s never too late!
God’s provision returned our son’s legs to full function.
He didn’t allow the injury to frighten him from enjoying life. He still took risks. He pole-vaulted on his High School track team, falling time and time again. Fortunately, he always landed on a big, cushy pad.
We can’t allow the fear of future pain to keep us hesitant. We have to persist in pursuing a relationship with Christ. Also, persist in pursuing intimacy on ALL LEVELS with your spouse. It would be easy to run from a spouse that is hurting you and find someone else to comfort you. Don’t let others be substitutes for your spouse. Do not let your kids, girlfriends, or parents become your most emotionally intimate companions. When your marriage is in pain you are vulnerable, STAY AWAY from sympathetic friends of the opposite gender. Let God help you figure out how to heal your broken marriage with God-honoring resources.
Both of his calves healed with a slight backward curvature. One has a more severe curve and therefore is shorter than the other leg. This is causing hip, back, and ankle problems. We knew his serious injury would have long term consequences. We just thought it would be when he was nearing 50, not in his late 20’s.
15 years later, our son is returning to the operating room for corrective surgery.
It’s never too late to address the sexual problems in your marriage, whether these problems are a build-up of small annoyances, one big glaring one, or a combination of both.
A satisfied marriage bed is going to look different for different marriages. Do the best you can to address these two things with your spouse: 1. your needs and 2. your responsibilities. Talking about your needs is easy. To start the healing process, we need to be just as aware of our responsibilities.
A side note: Please pray for our sons upcoming surgery. I will be flying down to help in his recovery.
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