Not long ago, our church’s Wednesday night speaker deceived us. It was a betrayal of bait-and-switch proportions.
“God made sex really good!” was the title of the video. The first 5 minutes were spent describing the Song of Solomon with words like hot and erotic. Our hopes were bolstered that this video would focus on the approval of sex in marriage. Then, our hopes were busted. The other 25 minutes were spent on the sin of objectifying women and lust.
Before I go on, let me be clear, I am not disputing the sin of lust and objectification.
Dave (and I) were ready to hear about the transformation that happens in a marriage when sex is celebrated. Instead, we got the same old caution of, “Don’t look where you’re not supposed to look!”
However, the message of God’s good and positive gift of sexuality in marriage is not being preached enough (at all?) because I get emails from young women who don’t truly believe that a “good Christian wife has God’s permission to enjoy sexual intimacy to the fullest.” As a low libido wife, hearing how God approves of sexual intimacy goes a long way toward helping understand the benefits of sexual intimacy in marriage.
So, here are 25 ways God made sex really good for married people.
1.God made sex to be intoxicating.
“Enjoy the spouse you married as a young person! …May your [spouse’s body] satisfy you. May you ever be intoxicated with [your spouse’s] love,” Proverbs 5:18-20 [my edit because I think this goes for both husband and wife].
“We will praise your love more than wine,” Song of Solomon 1:4.
Get drunk on the wine of love making with your spouse. It’s encouraged!
2. God made sex to extend the meaning of marriage beyond best friends, buddies, or friends with benefits.
Marriage is more than just living under the same roof. Marriage is more than a legality so that you can jointly file taxes. He creates a new unit when you pledge yourselves to each other.
“Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union?” Malachi 2:15.
God glues a husband and wife together. In Mark 10:7, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife…” The word cleave is translated from the Greek word, proskollao. Its essence means to join as if glued together.
This covenant is sealed with more than a kiss. It’s sealed with conjugal love. Sexual intimacy, which creates one flesh, reflecting the spiritual intimacy we should seek with God.
Love making not only seals the covenant, but each time you make love your body also creates silken emotional bonds, soft and oh so very strong. God created sexual intimacy in a way that it releases chemicals in our brains that create trust and companionship.
See, Why Sex?
3. God made sex as playdates for mates
Tired of adulting? Fine. Take your middle school mind into the bedroom and have some fun. When there is an accidental *pfffting* or someone falls off the bed, all the better for your inner middle schooler.
Remember when you were in middle school and everything had a sexual connotation because adolescent hormones were firing? Well, read this next verse with your adolescent attitude and think of your spouse.
“I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley, to see if the vines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom.” Song of Solomon 6:11.
4. God made sex with the divine spark.
Sexual intimacy is the only place where we truly get to aid God in the mystery of creation. Sex sometimes produces new life, babies. Therefore, it has a bit of the divine.
Conjugal connection also creates life in another way. Sex speaks life into a marriage with mismatched sex drives. Sex says to the higher drive spouse, I take your needs seriously. Sex speaks life into a messy marriage. Sexual intimacy says, we value our connection as a husband and wife. Sex speaks life into a hurting marriage. Sexual intimacy says, I can lay down my anger and find love for you.
5. God made sex messy so we remember that life is messy.
Well, who could really forget that life is messy? Some seasons are better than others, but life is hard. Yes, you can take measures to contain the mess in life and in the bedroom. But, that just stifles the mood. Roll with it. Let God be in control, in your life and in the bedroom.
Chances are your spouse doesn’t care as much as you about the mess. Embrace the mess, those fluids contain the divine spark! Maybe think of it as, “Liquid Awesome!”
6. God made sex to help us know him in the most intimate way.
Just as God uses communion and baptism to represent spiritual meaning, have you ever thought that sexual intimacy could mirror the type of intimate relationship God wants to have with us?
In the way that Adam knew Eve, God wants to know us. Why would I make such a bold statement? The key is a little Hebrew word, Yada. Yada is the Hebrew word for “intimately know,” to know someone as intimately as a lover.
“Be still and know [yada] that I am God,” Psalm 46:10.
“Oh, Lord, thou hast searched me and thou knows [yada] me,” Psalm 139:1.
This yada, or intimately knowing, is part of the mystery Paul speaks of in Ephesians 5:32, “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, but I am speaking about Christ and the church.”
7. God designed the orgasm.
O Lord! How manifold thy works! (Psalm 104:24)
All things were created by God (Col. 1:16).
God delights in his creation (Zephaniah 3:17).
God delights to give his creation good gifts (James 1:17).
When he created orgasm (one of those good gifts), God probably said with a wink, “Oh, they’re going to like this!” Orgasm is encouraged and if you’ve never experienced orgasm, give yourself permission to pursue it with research.
And maybe, just maybe, he created the ultimate moment in sexual intimacy to mirror the ecstasy we will feel when glorifying him in his presence. Maybe the moment of ecstacy is just the preview.
8. God made sexual fulfillment of equal value for the husband and wife.
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife.
Do not deprive one another, except by mutual consent for a limited time, so you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again, so that Satan will not tempt you through your lack of self-control,” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.
Get that? The husband’s sex drive is not more important than the wife’s. The wife’s sex drive is not more important than the husband’s.
In other words, neither spouse’s sexual need in a marriage trumps the other. One does not get the privilege of saying, “No,” all the time and the other doesn’t get the privilege of demanding a, “Yes,” all the time. You figure out a happy common ground. And yes, I think marital duty includes helping each other feel fully satisfied. Don’t deprive one another.
If you’re a low drive spouse, I completely understand how this seems hard. But, you know what? You knew going in that sex was meant to be a common practice in your weekly marital life. Besides, you couldn’t wait to hop in the sack in the newlywed days, right? That hotness can be re-discovered, honest! (Honest, you can learn to yearn for sex again.)
9. God made sex to give us a moment’s peace.
A busy life singes our joy like a hot sun. Low libido sisters, we have to pursue arousal amidst busy minds. Once we find arousal, there are a few moments of yearning to press on. During the moments of yearning, we can escape the hot sun of busyness and rest, to “delight to sit in his shade,” (Song of Solomon 2:3), to savor a moment’s peace.
For those brief moments of peace, “You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon,” Song of Solomon 4:15.
10. God made sex as crosstraining for man “junk” and lady “junk.”
Sexual intercourse is like jazzercise for your vagina. Dr. David Eibling, OB/Gyn, sees better vaginal elasticity and lubrication for those having consistent sexual intimacy.
According to the Harvard School of Medicine, frequent ejaculation seems to protect against prostate cancer.
11. God made sex with almost anything goes (for married people).
Here’s another place we can use the divine spark and harness creativity. Get creative in ways to please each other since there are so few limits.
If it’s almost anything goes, what are the limits? There are large boundaries that God sets.
Does it involve only you and your husband? No third parties, real or virtual (whether on screen or in your mind). Hebrews 13:4
Then there are smaller limits defined by each couple’s thoughts, preferences, and opinions framed in their Christian worldview.
Does it uplift your emotional relationship? It may be permissible, but is it beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23)?
Does it embody the fruit of the Spirit? These are the things God encourages; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such there is no law. (Galatians 5:22&23.)
Does it honor God? You are his creation and as a Christ-follower, you have the Holy Spirit within you (1 Corinthians 10:19). No one likes to see their creation destroyed.
I watched the Netflix series, The Crown, and was horrified at the part where Winston Churchill destroyed his painted portrait. The painting was a masterpiece but Churchill didn’t like how the image portrayed him. So, he burned it. I couldn’t imagine the devastation the artist experienced. I wonder if that’s how God feels when we destroy what he deems sacred?
12. God made sex to help us lighten up.
Sexual intimacy isn’t very dignified.
The other day, I answered someone over lunch with a mouth-full of food and it was somebody I wanted to impress. I was embarrassed and realized that I’m not always that classy. My embarrassment lingers. But, it is what it is. That’s how it is with sexual intimacy. It is what it is. A bit gooshy, a bit contorted, a bit unpredictable, a bit unmannerly. The marriage bed is a place to impress with love, not impress with Emily Post etiquette.
There’s another good thing about lightening up before you meet in the bedroom, it can lead to sexual desire.
13. God made sex to keep you youthful.
Yep! Did you know that sex is cheaper than plastic surgery?
14. God made sex for the seasons of life.
Song of Solomon 2:11-12, “See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.”
Remember Abraham and Sarah? Remember John and Elizabeth? Both couples had babies in their elder years by God’s miracle. Sexual intimacy isn’t only for the young. It’s for all seasons of marriage. It tethers husband and wife to the sacred moments of years of marriage. As experiences of life bring wisdom and bodies evolve with time, sexual intimacy is the act that connects the two of you to the moments of your young marriage, when life was full of sweet anticipation.
Sex is a little like time-travel.
15. God celebrated sex and sex can be a way to celebrate!
He looked around and he said it was very good (Genesis 1:31). I’d say he was pleased with his work. When you are pleased with a moment in your life it calls for a celebration!
The chorus in Song of Solomon stated, “We rejoice and delight in your, we will praise your love more than wine,” Song of Solomon 1:4.
“…We’ll celebrate, we’ll sing, we’ll make great music…” Song of Solomon 1:4 (the message).
Celebrate like you are a 2016 Cubs fan.
16. God made sex to comfort.
Sexual intimacy has a sweet, quiet side. David comforted Bathsheba after their child died as told in 2 Samuel 12:24.
17. God made sex so you could quit pretending.
The goal of sexual intimacy is intimacy. Intimacy is knowing someone deeply, warts and insecurities and all. The only way to achieve intimacy is to quit pretending. We are naked physically in the marriage bed. We should unclothe emotionally, too.
“Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame,” Genesis 2:25.
18. God made sex so we’d have a way to extend grace.
Who of us hasn’t been tainted by sexual pollution before marriage or during? If not that, who hasn’t transgressed through something like discord, selfish ambition, jealousy, fits of rage, dissension (Galatians 5:20). Some of those transgressions were against your spouse.
If our marriages are mirroring Christ and the church. Then, marriage is fertile field to cultivate grace. When my heart is hurt or I’ve hurt his, we have to reach a place of compassion, empathy, and forgiveness. The only way to do that is to realize where the ultimate grace comes from: God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.
19. God made sex to help us stretch the borders of our life.
The most vulnerable place in the world is in the middle of your marriage bed, naked with your spouse. It is in this most vulnerable place that we have tremendous power. We can nurture or we can destroy with the inflection of voice and one word.
Offering grace when you’ve been wronged or trying to please your spouse in a new way, both will stretch you. The stretch will allow more room in your heart for love.
20. God made sex so we could understand yearning
When we are young and invincible and full of raging hormones, was the soft quiet yearning for spiritual goodness outshouted by physical realities? For some, ears aren’t tuned in to the subtler cues of Christ. God gave us the physical yearning to help us understand spiritual desire.
Through experience and hopefully maturity, you see that the physical world never truly satiates the hunger. You thought it was hunger for food or sex or even human connection that you desired. But really, the hunger was placed there by God and only connecting with God and working toward His purpose in our life will we find a glimpse of satisfaction or completeness. God placed eternity in our hearts to help us know and desire something far higher than this earth (Eccl. 3:11).
“Yes, Lord,….your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you…” Isaiah 26:8&9.
“All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him…I will search for the one my heart loves….when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go…” Song of Solomon 3:1&4.
21. God made sex so you’d know complete acceptance.
In a group of 5 kids, were you ever the kid who didn’t get paired? Exclusion happens to adults, too. We try to not worry about little slights, like not being asked out to lunch with the rest of your co-workers, but they still happen.
When you and your spouse are enjoying a moment of deep connection, you are completely accepted and accepting.
This is how God completely accepts you, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God,” Romans 15:7.
22. God made sex unique.
There’s no other connection like it.
23. God made sex to give us vision.
God made sex to give us vision beyond the physical pleasure of sex. There is so much more to sexual intimacy between husband and wife. When the Holy Spirit resides in you, all of life has a spiritual essence which includes sexual intimacy.
“Where there is no revelation [no vision -KJV], people cast off restraint [perish – KJV]; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction,” Proverbs 29:19 (NIV).
24. God made sex to give us a higher and nobler IQ.
It doesn’t take a whole lot of life experience to fully embrace the fact that God’s ways are higher than our ways (Is. 55:9). Sexual intimacy is a place where we will never quite know why he created what he did. It’s powerful. It’s visceral. It’s spiritual. It’s mystifying.
When you’ve been a part of godly sexuality and have a strong marriage bed, you never want to dabble in the scheme of Satan again and his counterfeit intimacy. Experiencing godly sexual intimacy helps you have a higher understanding for protecting that relationship.
25. God made sex really good because there are enough bad things in the world.
The minutes spent in your “verdant bed” are important minutes. Godly sexual intimacy is a place where your marriage is building a fortress against the enemy who loves to distort every one of God’s good gifts. The comfort of sexual intimacy, the vision, the acceptance, all of this list counters the messages we are bombarded with by the Prince of Darkness.
“Sex is inherently good because it was made by a good God,” Tim Challies.
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