The waning of my physical sex drive was one of the biggest blessings of my life. Maybe yours, too, if you’re a low libido wife.
“WHAT??” I hear in unison.
Being sexual with a throbbing physical yearning is easy. No offense to those ladies who still retain that (and yes, I’m just a little jealous). We are all at different places. If you have a healthy physical libido, it is not an obstacle to complete understanding.
But, for me, when my physical libido was present in the fullest, I was distracted from experiencing the complete realm of marital sexual intimacy as God-ordained it.
With the first layer of libido (physical) diminished, I began to examine the other layers of sexual desire. Within marriage, sexual craving is an integrated appetite of delights involving at least three aspects.
This is the most tangible layer. It is easily seen, easily felt. It is biochemical in nature.
This is when you are at ease with your husband and the two of you are emotionally connecting. You don’t feel like there are any secrets between the two of you. You both enjoy time together and discuss freely whatever comes to mind. This bond makes you receptive to lovemaking, with or without physical libido.
The deepest layer of sexual intimacy. It’s a desire to unite with the very soul of your husband. It gives an enhanced definition to the term ‘one flesh’. It’s a concept not easily understood. We will each come to understand it and experience it in a different way.
Low-libido ladies, I think it is very important to understand there is a spiritual need for sexual intimacy with our husbands, even if we don’t grasp it conceptually. That’s why it’s called a mystery.
Ephesians 5:31&32, “ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
Back in Ephesians 1&2, Paul has emphasized the mysterious nature of our unity with Christ, the Savior.
Eph. 1:9-10, “He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure that He planned in Him for the administration of the days of fulfillment, to bring everything together in the Messiah, both things in heaven and things on earth in Him.”
Marriage is used as a symbol to correlate the divine mystery of our spiritual connectedness to Christ. The true essence of our union with Christ will never be understood while we live on this side of the veil. But, we get a tiny little glimpse through the vulnerable, intimate marital relationship.
The Lord Jesus brought our relationship with God the father to a level of intimacy the Old Testament people never dreamed of. It’s supernatural because it’s unseen.
Just like the spiritual union with your husband is unseen. Spiritual libido is supernatural.
Here’s a possible analogy: Have you ever been in a discussion and the exact right words come out of your mouth and you have no idea where they came from? (That’s something along the lines of Mark 13:11.) In the moment of crisis, have you said a quick prayer for peace only to find calmness sweep over your being like a sigh? That’s the Holy Spirit (John 14:26&27).
I know the Holy Spirit is there even if I don’t understand his essence. Couldn’t that be comparable to Spiritual Libido? It’s craving to commune with your husband’s unseen soul. It’s to become one seamlessly, body and spirit, as two puzzle pieces make a whole. It’s a desire to give of yourself and truly know your husband on all planes.
Yada Yada Yada
This probably is not news to you, but the original reference to sexual intercourse in the Bible is Genesis 4:1, “And Adam knew Eve, his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, and said, ‘I have acquired a man from the Lord.’”
The Hebrew for ‘knew’ in this instance is yada. (Try to squash that Seinfeld audio that just popped in your head….) Yada has an intimate meaning of ‘know.’ It is used over 1,000 times in the Old Testament. In Gen. 4:1, it is a euphemism for sexual relations. I even found one reference for yada’s meaning to be ‘co-mingling of souls.’ In the academic Hebrew translation sites I researched, it wasn’t listed. But, I like that imagery.
Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”…He wants us to yada him.
Psalm 139:1, “Oh Lord, Thou hath searched me and known me.”
Galatians 4:9, “But now, since you know God, or rather have become known by God, how can you turn back again…”…GOD YADA/KNOWS US!
God wants us to know Him. He wants to know us. He wants husband and wife to know each other completely. Supernatural sex is more than sex, it is Spirit-filled lovemaking and loveknowing.
See Julie Sibert’s post, “Worship the Lord, Make Love to Your Spouse.”
See Megan at DoNotDisturb’s, “Sex is Receiving.”
See Sheila Gregoire’s thoughts, “Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy While You Make Love.”
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You may want to start by reading, “Why Sex?”
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