Happy New Year! While all the other more organized blogs are offering helpful advice for a more sane and sexier 2016, I’d like to ask a gift from you.
I’ve been waiting to get this off my chest. If you’ve wondered why my posts were sporadic this year, here’s the answer:
My new daughter-in-love and I are getting used to each other and at times it doesn’t go so well. 9 months later, we are in a much better place.
Our A/C completely dies during the first heatwave of summer and it takes three weeks to install a new one. (First world problem, I know.)
June, I had an ablation to squelch 6 months of tremendous nonstop bleeding, recovery was a bear. (The high doses of progesterone I was on leading up to this event made me extremely sensitive and angry – my poor family!) 10 days later, I fly to Miami to help my oldest son with surgery.
July, during my family reunion in Indianapolis, Dave saves my 4 year old nephew from being crushed at the expense of Dave’s head. We spent most of the day in the ER getting stitches, thank God is wasn’t a skull fracture.
I have my first vulvar biopsy (results – all clear).
In August, I’m again in Florida for my son’s second surgery and my husband accepts a position at a new company, which is in Florida of all places. Dave moves to FL permanently to begin work. (I’m unsettled, to say the least, at being uprooted after 17 years from our lovely town, Wilmington, NC. Again, first world problem.)
Through September, I’m prepping our NC house for sale and overseeing hired help. (I purge three truckloads of stuff, donating some and blessing others with the rest. It felt good to let it go.)
October, we get the house on the market just in time to take that Hawaiian vacation we’ve had scheduled for over a year. (Again, first world problem.)
November, our very first grandchild is born which I fly to Miami for and a wild hair drives me to decide Dave and I must go to NYC the weekend before Thanksgiving to see my Rockette perfom (she’s a relative). And yeah, *hanginghead* we have a bit of a tiff over dinner at Sardi’s. Marriage bloggers aren’t immune to spats.
I have a second vulvar biopsy (results – all clear).
Just a few days ago, my NC kids and I drove south to meet up with the Florida contingent to celebrate Christmas.
Dave and I return to our new residence, a tiny apartment near his office near West Palm Beach, FL, to ring in the new year. (You may be hearing more about our adventures in the 650 sq. ft. ‘micro-suite’.)
This is what I’m clinging to:
“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints,” 1 Corinthians 14:33.
Even though it seems confusing to me, there’s a purpose. I think I see two reasons.
On the spiritual plane, I’ve been moderately peaceful (panic wells up occasionally) because of constant contact. My sanity is rooted in constant contact with the Big Guy upstairs through daily prayer, Bible reading and Christian music on Pandora. I feel off when I miss a day. (Do you have Jesus Calling? Get it if you don’t have it.)
Dave and I are in constant contact no matter how many miles separate us physically (I forgot to mention that right before Hawaii, he was in Madrid). He calls me 3 or 4 times a day. Thank God, seriously thank you, God, for cell phone technology. Facetime is amazing for feeling connected.
In surveying 2015, it’s surprising Dave and I didn’t have more arguments and conflict. I think it’s because the stress had us leaning into each other instead of away from each other for support.
We learned during our hard season to not lean on anyone outside of each other or our immediate family as confidantes. Letting friends, especially opposite sex friends, be emotional confidantes can lead to dangerous attachments. I’m not saying we don’t have friends, I’m saying we don’t look to those friends as our grounding.
Dave is the first person I call if I need to vent, get advice, or just to hear his voice, and vice versa.
It’s taken action and intention (setting phone alarms when in different hemispheres) on our parts to stay in constant contact.
Constant contact has kept our bedroom time flowing when we are in the same state. And frankly, this low-libido gal has found that absence really does make the heart grow spicy (when I’m not healing from having my ‘lady junk’ cut on).
During my time of female problems, we stayed in tune with each other’s physical needs. Separation wasn’t a bad thing during my time of recovery from the ablation and biopsy. We talked about the forced abstinence and what we both were feeling about it. Plus, there are other ways to be intimate aside from PIV.
I’m not saying we are perfect. Afterall, there was the stupid tiff in NYC. But, we managed to navigate this year feeling upbeat about each other and taking advantage of most opportunities in the bedroom. Honestly though, I’m not feeling too upbeat about being uprooted from Wilmington, but I am trying to work through my negativity.
God brought 2 purposes in mind for our difficult year. One is to reinforce constant contact.
Constant contact during difficult times helps bedroom connection later.
Constant contact with God brings John 14:27 peace.
Constant contact with your husband seals connection while distanced and allows a seamless adjustment when drawn back together.
In the meantime, remember I asked a gift of you? Would you please pray this verse over me? I feel extremely unsettled, and although I don’t think that’s abnormal, I’d really love to tap into Jesus’ not-of-this-world-peace. I deal with a lot of fear and anxiety.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid,” John 14:27.
Be safe out there tonight. I’ll see you in 2016.
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