Eyes are the window to your soul.
I like that brief soul to soul connection of looking a newly met stranger straight in the eye. Eye color is beautiful to me. It’s the trait I remember most about people.
No set of eyes are quite the same. Even my set of identical twins have a slightly different tilt, although their blue color is the same.
Eyes don’t always function precisely. Problems can usually be corrected with glasses.
Occasionally, you’ll meet a person with a perfect soul, yet their eyes are misshapen or don’t align properly. They are rare statistically, yet these people still manage to thrive in spite of less than perfect vision.
Sometimes our parts don’t work as precisely as the next person. But, they still work! Sometimes a part is even more defective than most, but you learn to work around it. Remember, the other four senses are heightened for people who are blind.
Just as we all share eyes, all ladies share the same ‘plumbing’ in our nether regions, too.
We are plumbed with a very special pop up assembly called the clitoris. It’s a hot button that turns on and off, just like a faucet. A discouraged few think that their faucet is broken because hot water never appears. When really, they just haven’t secured the O ring.
Yes, I’m talking about orgasms. If you have never e.v.e.r. experienced an orgasm you are not alone. 10 – 15% of women have never had an orgasm through any means according to Robert W. Birch, Ph.D, The Pathways to Pleasure. Women who have never orgasmed are said to be anorgasmic.
Anorgasmic ladies may think they are blind and defective, unable to see what the big deal is about. Do you think you’re plumbed wrong because you haven’t had an orgasm? Flush those thoughts! You aren’t defective! You just haven’t figured it out yet. I have two success stories among my personal friends. One gal finally found her O in her mid-40’s. The other was 70! I have read of many many other success stories.
Our plumbing comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and textures. The distance between our hot button (clitoris) and our spigots (vaginal opening) can vary greatly. The size and width of plumbing varies. Sensitivity of plumbing varies. Sometimes, we just need to understand our bodies better.
Not only is our plumbing different, but how we see things (our mental states) is also different. Some are carrying memories of sexual trauma, guilt from sexual experiences prior to marriage, perceptions that sex is bad regardless of the wedding ring. Some are ashamed of their bodies. Some are afraid to let themselves lose control and experience the sensual.
All of these differences affect our ability to orgasm.
Is Orgasm necessary?
Meaningful spiritual and emotional connection is the end goal of marital sexual intimacy, not orgasm. The media hypes us up on the explosive physical ecstasy of orgasms. But, sweet sensations can be experienced during sex even without orgasm.
No, orgasm isn’t necessary for sexual intimacy.
Here’s the rub: It’s worth pursuing.
Sex without an orgasm is like an Iris. Irises are lovely and complex flowers. Their texture is filmy like chiffon. The Iris’ beard of pollen is cute and fuzzy. But, Irises don’t have a fragrance (at least mine don’t).
Sex with an orgasm is like a bouquet of Gardenia and Jasmine. Not only are their delicate white bodies delightful, but an exquisite scent enhances their visual beauty. The scent envelopes you.
Sometimes I’m only interested in receiving a bouquet of Irises. But, sometimes I want the sensual (scentual?) bouquet of Gardenia and Jasmine. You deserve this option, too.
Causes of Anorgasmia
According to mayoclinic.com physical causes of anorgasmia include: Illness, Gynecological issues, Medications including alcohol and illegal drugs, and the aging process. Mayo also mentions psychological and relationship factors.
In one research article a female patient had a disconnect between the brain and the vaginal/clitoral real estate. The patient had measurable vaginal contractions, signs of orgasm, but the sensation didn’t register in her brain for her to experience it. There are also clitoral and vaginal anomalies.
But, I think structural maladies are very very rare. I am no doctor, but I am going to venture to say that 95% of the female population has 8000 nerve endings packed into that tiny little clitoral button. That’s twice as many nerves than the head of a penis. It is more densely sensitive than any other region of the body, including the fingertips and tongue. (Woman: An Intimate Geography, Natalie Angier, 1999).
It’s OK to Orgasm. The Bible tells me so.
Did you know, up until the 6th day, God had said his creation was only good. After he made Adam and Eve, he told them to be fruitful and multiply, implying sexual intimacy. Then, God said it was very good! (Genesis 1)
“Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made,” John 1:3
“He is the Rock, his works are perfect and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he,” Deuteronomy 32:4.
Sex and its pleasure is God’s perfect idea.
Sexual intimacy with your husband is much more than physical. However, there is nothing wrong with specifically seeking enhanced physical pleasure through sexual intimacy with your husband. Read the Song of Songs.
1 Corinthians 7:2-6 makes it clear that physical pleasure of both the husband and wife is of equal value. Physical pleasure is just one facet of the marriage bed. Satan convinces us that marital sex is just one dimensional and tries to blind us of the other two, emotional and spiritual. But in marriage, emotional and spiritual intimacy truly overshadows the physical.
One of Satan’s deceptions is to convince modern-day-Christian-Eve that sex is bad, naughty, dirty, nasty, etc….because physical pleasure is superficial. Physical pleasure within the marriage bed is spiritual. I have one friend who describes sexual summits she has had with her husband as transcendent. Which is exactly what I was trying to describe in my post, Supernatural Sex.
That may sound really far fetched to ladies who don’t enjoy sex. But, please open your minds to the possibility. Don’t limit your God.
“Sovereign Lord, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do?” Deuteronomy 3:24.
You’re just pre-orgasmic.
Have you ever considered anorgasmic women are just resting in a state of pre-orgasm? This is especially important to consider if reaching orgasm has been a desire for you. My heart aches for those I’ve sat with who have been in tears over this frustration.
There is much hope. Remember pre-orgasmia does not have to be a permanent condition. One day you will be post-orgasmic!
Pre-orgasmia means you are in a state of anticipation. Pre-orgasmia means you have an incredible journey ahead of you.
Pre-orgasmia means patience and persistence. It takes time and practice to understand the sensations. Think in terms of months.
He knows your struggles, “….for your father knows what you need before you ask him,” Matthew 6:8.
Your only assignment this week is to PRAY.
Since this introduction is running a bit long, I will post specific verses and thoughts to pray regarding pre-orgasmia tomorrow. There will be more posts in this series in the next few weeks.
Know that I am praying over you about this, sweet friend. Let me know how I can help you.
A Window Into O’s, the series:
Prayer: A Window Into O’s
The Plumbing of O’s: The Origin of Orgasm Tissue
The Plumbing of O’s: Labia Love
The Plumbing of O’s: The Vaginal Vestibule
A Key to Understanding Orgasm: The Exquisite Clitoris and Company
The “O” Zones: The Delightful Urethral Sponge
A Key to Understanding Orgasm: Deep Spots
O Explore: understanding your bodies arousal
The Effort of Ecstasy
O Potential: How the Husband Can Help
Nurturing Your Gardenia: Helpful Hints on Reaching O’s
*A Window into O’s: Introduction, was originally published in 2013.